a fool's musings

Boreas by Waterhouse
Fool, said my muse to me,
look in thy heart and write...

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the five Ws, or, all about me

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current mood: current mood

"pathological and unbalanced"

Items of Interest

    Music
  • Walk On - U2
  • Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen
  • If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar
  • Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet
  • Town Called Malice - The Jam
  • One - U2
  • The Space Between - DMB
    Books
  • Lord of the Rings
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  • Sandman
  • Waking the Moon

    Shows
  • Angel

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2002-01-06 - 11:08 p.m.

Deep in the hundred acre wood...

As promised:


Take the 100 Acre Personality Quiz!

I was wrong. Again.

I guess I don't know myself at all.

~victoria

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2002-01-06 - 10:34 p.m.

Google!

I love Alias.

Do you hear me?

I LOVE ALIAS!

I knew what that last revelation tonight was going to be, or what I was HOPING it'd be, but da-amn, that they actually did it... I think Alias is my new favorite show. Definitely best new show of the season [sorry, Smallville isn't that good. It's pure cheese and fun and subtexty as hell, but Alias ROCKS].

Okay, so I've been tracking where you all come from who read this diary. Yeah, it's geeky, but I like to know this stuff.

So far, a few Google searches have pulled me up.

"Tiburon Galleries" - that makes sense - it was the name I used in Caveat Emptor.

"Peretti earrings" - makes sense since I talked about my Elsa Peretti earrings, which I love dearly.

"Chloe and Lex fan fiction" - one of my fics is from Chloe's POV, and the words fan and fiction occur fairly frequently, so no problemo.

Then we get to "Clark Kent and Lex Luthor boxers pulled down"... hmm... okay sure, I write CLex sex, and it involves those sorts of things, but I begin to wonder who searches for that like that...

But the piece de resistance?

"down his throat" "passing out" penis pulls up this diary. Peeps & Roaches as it was known at the beginning. Number 5 on the first page of search results...

Freaking disturbing that someone is searching for those particular terms. I mean, dude, what are you looking for? Huh? Am I missing something? WHy not just search for gay porn or slash fanfic or erotic/autoerotic asphyxiation or whatever? Why use that series of words?

You know, when I try to use a series of random words and see if the diary or my fic site comes up, it never works.

I should start dropping in odd words here and there, to see if later on, searches pull me up. Words like "rhinoplasty" and "phalanx" and "quotidian". Not to mention, "consanguinity" and "antidisestablishmentarianism." *g*

Of course, on the upside, the search "inspired trusted confident relaxed loved" brings up "Feel Me Don't You," which is a story I'm fond of, as it's the first really angsty thing I wrote, and I think it mostly works, though I'm toying with cutting Logan's final speech down to simply, "Teach me." Which is far more in character than all that chattering he does now. Hmm... maybe I'll do that after I'm done here.

Oh, and I was going to post the results of yet another personality test, but dad's PC kicked me out and I came home and did stuff.

But maybe in a little while. I know you're dying to know which member of the Hundred Acre Woods family I am. I think I'll be Piglet, but we'll see. *g*

~victoria

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2002-01-06 - 3:51 p.m.

BWAHAHAHAHAHA!

And here's the description:

Judd Nelson "John Bender"

The Criminal

John Bender, the "criminal", gets many peoples votes for favorite character. Why? It might have something to do with the quick and hilarious one-liners that come pouring out of his mouth. Bender's a rule-smashing rebel, who doesn't have a hard time finding trouble.And wouldn't we all like to be a rebel sometimes!? But underneath his tough-boy exterior, he's actually not all that bad, as his fellow breakfastclub members soon discover...

The role of John Bender was played wonderfully by Judd Nelson, who also starred in another popular 80s movie, St. Elmo's Fire, the same year that The Breakfast Club came out, earning him a title as a member of the "brat pack".

Like most of his brat pack buddies, Nelson rose to incredible fame...only to get whisked out of the spotlight after of number of duds came out in theaters. According to friends, the character that Nelson played in The Breakfast Club is pretty close to his real life. He rode a Harley, partied hard, and had a fling with Shannen Doherty.

***

I'm sorry, I can't stop laughing.

I should be Ally Sheedy or Anthony Michael Hall.

Bwahahahahaha!

I love this quiz.

I love John Hughes movies. At least, Sixteen Candles, Breakfast Club, and Some Kind of Wonderful.

I love James Spader in Pretty in Pink [hell, I love James Spader in just about *anything*], but the ending sickens me. Ducky should have gotten the girl. No doubt in my mind.

But me - Bender. Bwahahahahaha!

~victoria



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2002-01-06 - 3:19 p.m.

Feedback, fighting and football

In the grand old tradition of atbvs, here is the Smallville Scoobies as the BtVS Scoobies:

Clark = Buffy

Lex = Angel

Chloe = Xander

Pete = Willow

Lana = bizarro!Cordelia [as in, a non-intersting, layer-less version. Why no, I don't *hate* Lana, I just find her incredibly boring]

Whitney - Harmony

Jonathan - Giles

Martha - Jenny Calendar/season 3 and beyond Joyce

Just had a big blowout with my dad. I left the receipt for the cd Walkman that doesn't work here at the parents' house, and he shredded it.

Of course, I need it to return the defective walkman.

He NEVER shreds anything right away, and yet this was gone - boom! - in like two days.

So we shouted at each other for a while and he's all upset because he knows he screwed up, and I should probably feel bad about yelling at him, but I don't.

Because I'm not a nice person. Or a good person, particularly. I feel like I was right and he was wrong.

Ah well, we apologized and it's over.

So I posted a three stories on FF.net Friday night, and Consanguinity got a few reviews, but the others ... nothing.

And it makes me wonder, because Palm Springs Conversation is a pretty damn funny fic, and *I* liked Third Time's the Charm, but no one's reading them, at all.

And yet there are fics by others that are getting reams of reviews. And these fics are what I would charitably call awful. As in bad. As in, complete gobshite.

But what the hell do I know?

All this discussion of feedback has made me wonder, a lot.

I don't get tons of feedback. I get a nice amount, always have. I think probably an average of 5-7 emails for each story, less for Buffy fic.

Now I'm learning that there are people who get 20-30 FB emails per story, and damn, I don't get that.

Talk about feeding my inferiority complex. I think I write good fic. It's technically sound and interesting, and I think a good read, even if I'm occasionally a little distant emotionally [though others tell me that's bullshit, that my writing is moving. I guess because I don't get moved usually as I'm writing, I can't tell]. And yet I don't get either the gushy mindless feedback that purports to elevate me to godhood, nor do I get the serious and in-depth critical feedback I desperately crave.

I also see people saying that a lot of feedback is sent off-list [for various lists/fandoms]. I don't get much offlist feedback. That's why I'm always skeptical when people say there's a lot of FB being sent off-list. I can only go by my own experience.

I don't get much fb from my website either - maybe once or twice a month, and, as I mentioned, I may as well not exist on FF.net.

So what is the secret to feedback? Who gives it? Who gets it? Why? And for those of us who don't, why not?

What is it that spurs someone on to send feedback?

I know why *I* send it [and I send a damn lot of it, I think, even if it's just "good story. enjoyed it a lot."] - because I've enjoyed a story or been moved or been made to think. And I sent it even before the whole three feedbacks a week movement from zendom.

I know there is a secret feedback quid pro quo - "Oh, she sent me feedback and that story was cool, so I'll reciprocate."

And some of the feedback I receive is totally spectacular.

I'm not whinging about it so much as wondering.

Okay, so maybe I'm whinging a little.

But I honestly *don't* write for feedback. I know I could get a ton if I let my Jean issues run wild and wrote her as a psycho bitch from hell who does nothing but scheme to fuck Logan and try to kill Rogue. I could join DDFH and they'd worship me if I did that, regardless of the actual quality of the writing.

But I don't think that's good writing, and since I was 8 years old I've wanted to be a *writer*, an *artist*, not a hack churning out whatever appeals to the lowest common denominator in a fandom or in the public at large.

In the end, if I'm happy with a story, and my gusys are, that's all that matters. I adore getting feedback. It gives me the warm fuzzies and makes me do the dance of joy. If someone writes and seems to actually *get* a fic [as that review on FF.net for Caveat Emptor, which still makes me beam like an idiot], it makes my whole day. And if I don't get any feedback [which has yet to happen, even though my last RR fic only garnered one email], I feel like crap. I wonder what I did wrong. I eventually get over it.

Take Very Sickness - I love that fic. It got good feedback, but I thought it would get more. Apparently, my angst isn't good enough, and foof doesn't command the respect of many people.

So this was just a really long ramble on feedback, as it relates to me. Because, of course, it *is* all about me.

The Giants are getting pounded. And the officials are giving all the calls to Green Bay. That sucks ass.

song of the moment: Tiny Dancer - Elton John. I just bought the Almost Famous DVD yesterday, and I may need to watch that scene tonight.

Hold me closer, tiny dancer / count the headlights on the highway / lay me down in sheets of linen / something something day to day...

Yeah...

~victoria



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2002-01-06 - 1:23 a.m.

Splitting lists and that old community vibe

God, I can't believe it's almost 1:30 am.

That's what happens when you nap at 7 pm. You lose all track of the evening.

So I watched Shrek and god, I love that movie.

Is it so wrong to picture Logan as Shrek, Jubilee as Donkey and Rogue as Princess Fiona?

Diane H. suggested that to me way back in the summer, and I'd forgotten all about it 'til tonight. I may have to write that now. If I can find a damn transcript of the movie.

Email me if you know where one's at.

And I want to apologize for all the icky typos and such in last night's fic posting. Gah. I shouldn't type at 3 am. It's just horrid.

Oh well, that's why one has beta readers.

I dreamt last night about a bunch of stuff I don't remember, except for this: I met a guy who was in a band, and he gave me his card and said, "Come see us tonight. We're going to play 'St. James Infirmary Blues.'"

Which is a fucking *great* piece of music.

I need to copy that from Daddy - I think he's got it on vinyl, a really good version from some jazz guy whose name currently escapes me.

Also in my head, Hallelujah from Leonard Cohen - the version in Shrek. What a beautiful song.

On ClarkLex right now, they're polling to see if it should become discussion only, with all the fic going to ClarkLexFic [to which I am not currently subbed, though I may be at the end of the night *g*].

I prefer discussion mixed in with fic. Just seems a whole lot friendlier than a plain old fic-only list, and I don't see what the big deal is. X-Fiction manages to be manageable, and TWWSotU is the best freaking list ever and it's got over 1000 members. Of course, Jori and MoJo are the cat's meow as list mods, and Eil's great at it, too. That could be the difference.

They split the discussion out from the Josh/Donna list I'm on, and I'm subbed to the discussion list, but I never look at it. I'm on no mail there because I already can't keep up with my WW mail, but when it was coming to my mailbox I read a lot of the discussion.

I think it just makes for a friendlier, more community atmosphere.

And for such a damned asocial person, I do like that feeling of community. It's what I miss most in W/R, but still feel part of through X-Fiction.

At least I've got AIM, right? *g*

Oh, one last thing - Sarah T's Fandom Laugh of the Day yesterday just about made my weekend.

Fandom is a funny place and hypocrisy abounds. I'm by no means immune from it, but I just find it hilarious when it's so blatant.

~victoria



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The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme.

The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney.

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