a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content achromatic unfinished fic graveyard recs journal new stuff recent stuff my back pages January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 the five Ws, or, all about me profile e-mail victoria my livejournal the original P&R comments current mood: "pathological and unbalanced" Items of Interest People LiveJournal folks Baraita bishclone claritylit Jintian Kat Allison Kit Mason metablog mix-tapes Neil Gaiman Nestra Sarah T. Seema Shrift Sundry Mourning zendom Music Walk On - U2 Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet Town Called Malice - The Jam One - U2 The Space Between - DMB Books Lord of the Rings Catch-22 The Neely Trilogy Absalom! Absalom! Possession: A Romance Foucault's Pendulum Dreamhouse LA Confidential I Capture the Castle Sandman Waking the Moon Shows Angel Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns) Alias West Wing The Simpsons webrings < ? fanfiction ! > < ? writers ! > diaryreviews.diaryland.com NYC Bloggers Comments by Haloscan.com all links, if I haven't screwed up somehow, should open in a new browser window

2002-01-23 - 9:21 a.m. FNG So they've moved a new guy into the cube around the corner from me. He's damnably cute, and Aussie, to boot. Crap. I didn't mean to rhyme. I do that sometimes. and again. Anyhow, adorably cute, seems quite nice, possibly single. You know I'm never ever going to speak to him again, right? Gack! I'm such a loser! I can already feel my palms getting sweaty and the babble pouring uncontrollably from my lips. ~victoria current mood: anxious current music: Under the Bridge - Red Hot Chili Peppers [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-01-22 - 11:28 p.m. Rated R for language Okay, can I just say how PISSED OFF I am right now? I'm answering all this email, and I can't freaking SEND any of it. Or receive any, either, because goddamn fucking AT&T's mail server is apparently on the fritz. Sometimes it just makes me want to throw my laptop through the window. Grr. Arrgh. ~victoria current mood: pissed off current music: #1 Crush - Garbage [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-01-22 - 5:35 p.m. and yet *another* stunningly accurate internet personality test See what Care Bear you are. I need to go home and lie down now. None of my shows are new. Means more time to answer email, er, write. I mean write! ~victoria current mood: tired current music: Subterranean Homesick Blues - Bob Dylan [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-01-22 - 3:12 p.m. Zeppelin & Tolkien Heard about this on the radio, so of course I had to check it out: The Zeppelin & Tolkien Relationships Page Now, the only ones I'll give them are "Prince of Evermore" and "Ramble On" since there are direct references to ringwraiths and Gollum/Mordor in them. "Misty Mountain Hop" is stretching a little, but the name is there, and hey, who knows, right? I think "Over the Hills and Far Away" is really stretching it, except for the title of the song. As for the queen of light mentioned in PoE, I'm going to dispute that it's Eowyn and say it's Arwen, since well, she's the queen, Eowyn just winds up the Steward's wife [no stewardess jokes, please]. I just thought this was funny - two sets of geeks getting together - Zepheads and Tolkien nerds. Nice conflation of interests. Apparently Jimmy Page was a big fan of the books. Which begs the question - why not get *him* to write some of the music? And go a little lighter on the Enya? Though I suppose that Celtic vibe is good for the Elvishness of it all... ~victoria current mood: bored current music: Dream On - Aerosmith [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-01-22 - 9:48 a.m. to thine own self be true Random thoughts on Tuesday morning: Chelsea Clinton looks good, but damn it must have taken forever to blow out her hair like that. And Gwynnie and Madonna looked awful and old sitting next to her. *g* *Meow* On the fashion tip - WHY are they still bringing back the '70s? The '70s were UGLY. Freakin' brown and yellow and orange geometic pattern skirts that hit just below the knee in some sort of horrid polyester blend... *who* thought this was a good idea, and where can I find them so I can kill them? I mean, the flares and platforms are bad enough. I always swore I'd never wear another pair of flares, and I've been forsworn [they were emergency pants! I had a dire pants emergency and they were cheap and they fit. I hadn't been at this job long enough to feel comfortable buying jeans and explaning the pants emergency. With female bosses, yes. With men, no. Not at such an early stage of acquaintance. Back at JDF, I used to keep an outfit in my little closet in my cube, so I didn't have to go home if I didn't want to, though I always did. But when you work for the COO, who's a woman, you can't wear the same thing two days in a row. And back then, when I was thin, I used to wear skirts and such all the time, so it wasn't like now, with my constant parade of black pants, and boy, have I gone off track, eh?] So yeah, not loving the continued '70s revival. Of course, my main fashion sense was formed by the early-mid '80s, so I'm all about pegged pants and jackets with the sleeves pushed up and skinny leather ties. Um, yeah. Okay. Not exactly. *g* Other thoughts... Seema made some interesting observations, both in her blog and in my guestbook (and how excited am I that someone posted something in my guestbook? I am *such* a loser). She wrote: I think if you write for a particular audience, you're dooming yourself to a certain level of disappointment. I know that there was a time when I used to compare my stories to other people who wrote that same pairing and then eventually realized, no matter what I did or how hard I tried, I would never, ever measure up. Is there any fanfic author who doesn't feel this way? Okay, yeah, there probably are, but I am not one of them. *g* I used to constantly think I couldn't measure up. Well, I still think that, but now I've moved on to the "not caring" portion of the program. Okay, to be perfectly honest, it's more the "trying not to care" portion of the program. *g* I'm learning to be content with my status, whatever it is, in X-Men fandom. Have I been around since the beginning? Pretty much. Have I hit the highs of the fandom and am I recced all over the damn place? Um, not quite. I don't get the recs, and my stories don't get talked about months later, and no one ever recommends me to newbies on lists who are requesting what's "required" L/R reading. So, yeah, not ever gonna be that. And I'm learning to accept it. I fly beneath the radar, and I'm actually starting to be happy about that. I'm really trying very hard not to go all BOFQ. I'll cop to bitter, slightly aged, fic viscountess. But I was bitter before I ever started with the ficcage. Really. Ask anyone. *g* More Seema: I really think the true joy in fanfic is writing the stories you want to see and read - you can't always anticipate what will move a reader and audiences out there are pretty ambiguous. This is definitely true. As in the discussion about feedback, I've found that stories I thought were amazing [both my own and by others] don't always get the same amount of feedback as stories I thought were of lesser quality. It can be an odd thing. As someone who typically writes light or foofy fic, I get nice, happy feedback. I also get the occasional push to go dark or do angst, as if that's the true measure of writer [and if you'll notice, one of my recurring themes in this journal, in addition to feedback and misogyny, and of course, narcoleptic oral sex, is angst v. foof, which deserves an entry all its own and will, someday soon, be getting one], but when I do, it don't get the reams of analysis and gushy praise for moving people etc. So I write the stories *I* want to write, and I don't worry too much about finding an audience, because eventually, I will. And if I don't, I've at least pleased myself with the story. I have to say, I do have a higher satisfaction rate with my work than some writers I've spoken with. Yes, there are some stories I'd like to disown [Xander Steps Up and Ties That Bind, this means you] or rewrite to make them tighter [Second Chances, Crossing Canada], but for the most part, except for the occasional typo [which gets fixed, if I can find it again when I'm home and have the means to upload] or clunky turn of phrase, I'm actually proud of all my stories and I don't think any of them suck. Are some, er, less good than others? Sure. But none really make me cringe. I don't think. Hmm... ::vic contemplates going back and rereading Achin' to Be and Night Visits and cringes:: Okay, maybe a couple things make me cringe. But those really were my first efforts at fic, and my first efforts at writing seriously in maybe 7-8 years. I definitely think over the 18 months I've been doing this that I've improved incredibly. And how did this become all about me? Oh yeah. My diary. *g* Anyway, more Seema: And yes, some of my odder forays into fiction have been greeted with an glass-shattering silence. Be that as it may, I don't regret writing something that did not appeal to anyone. In the end, it only has to appeal to me, right? Or is that a self-centered view? Discuss. I've been lucky enough to never get *no* feedback, though on occasion pickings have been slim. But yeah, in the end, I definitely think I'm the one who has to be pleased. What is it Ricky Nelson sings: "If you can't please everyone, you might as well please yourself"? That's become my philosophy, because let's face it, it really *is* all about me, isn't it? *g* Seriously, though, if a story makes me happy, in the end, that's all I can ask for, and I have hope that eventually, other people will see what I see in my work and value it as well. For the nonce, however, I continue to write the storylines I find intriguing, with the characters and pairings that speak to me. <*shrug*> I think that's all any writer can do. "To thine own self be true" right? Polonius might have been a fool, but he knew what he was talking about in that instance. ~victoria current mood: sleepy current music: Tumbling Dice - The Rolling Stones [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-01-22 - 12:27 a.m. you don't know Jack! Found this in DevilDoll's LJ [see left. I'm too tired to type in the link]. Loving this! Jack Skellington! How cool is that? And it suits my mood too. ~victoria [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-01-21 - 10:30 p.m. the clock is ticking Just watched Angel. Not the best ep ever, but not awful. Cordelia still kicks ass, the F/W/G triangle is coming along [so glad they gave up on Gunn/Cordy], and I'm thinking the C/A UST is about to hit the limit. How adorable, the two parents and the baby after a long day fighting evil. And babies... yesterday it was brought home to me once again how *unlikely* it is that I will ever have one, and how sad that makes me. See, I buy my nieces and nephews clothes. Lots of 'em. From Gap Kids, usually, but other places as well. And way back when my eldest niece was a wee tyke, I told my sister to save the good stuff for me, 'cause I wanted to use the clothes for my kids. It was 11 years ago. I was still hopeful in those days. Yesterday, she and my s-i-l were talking about how Helen doesn't want any of the old clothes for the new baby, so they're just going to get rid of all the boxes when M&D move [and hey, the closing is Wednesday], unless I want them and have somewhere to store them. as I am looking to move out of my spacious 6 room apt. and will probably end up in a studio or, if I'm lucky, a one-bedroom, I will not have anywhere to store baby clothes for a baby I will most likely never have. This depresses me when I think about it, because this is not how I pictured my life at all. ~victoria current mood: gloomy current music: Closedown - The Cure [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. If you do not like or agree with the contents herein, or find them to be offensive on more than one occasion, please go elsewhere and don't come back. Management is not responsible for any adverse reactions to content within. The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme. The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney. This site is best viewed with IE4+ | 1024x768 | true color | verdana | tables