a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content achromatic unfinished fic graveyard recs journal new stuff recent stuff my back pages January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 the five Ws, or, all about me profile e-mail victoria my livejournal the original P&R comments current mood: "pathological and unbalanced" Items of Interest People LiveJournal folks Baraita bishclone claritylit Jintian Kat Allison Kit Mason metablog mix-tapes Neil Gaiman Nestra Sarah T. Seema Shrift Sundry Mourning zendom Music Walk On - U2 Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet Town Called Malice - The Jam One - U2 The Space Between - DMB Books Lord of the Rings Catch-22 The Neely Trilogy Absalom! Absalom! Possession: A Romance Foucault's Pendulum Dreamhouse LA Confidential I Capture the Castle Sandman Waking the Moon Shows Angel Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns) Alias West Wing The Simpsons webrings < ? fanfiction ! > < ? writers ! > diaryreviews.diaryland.com NYC Bloggers Comments by Haloscan.com all links, if I haven't screwed up somehow, should open in a new browser window

2002-02-08 - 11:20 a.m. Hive Mind redux Hive Mind! Bwahahahaha! Today's Topic Friday discussion on State of the Union is about fandom and what it means to be a fan etc. Collective unconscious, baby. Don't tell me it doesn't exist! ~victoria [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-02-08 - 10:18 a.m. tunnel vision D'land is all fucked again - no stats for anything after about 1 am last night. Grr. I love my stats. I need my stats. So, been doing more thinking about things, and one thing I find amazing about slashfen [fen, for those of you a little light on the lingo, is somehow the plural of fan, instead of fans. I dunno why. I'm just mindlessly using the jargon that comes with the territory] is their tunnel vision. Not everything is about slash. If someone wants to have a huge list of links about Smallville, and only wants to reference het pairings, what's the big? Are they claiming to be the comprehensive list of Smallville links? Then, maybe, you could call them on it. Otherwise, let it be. Some people don't like slash, much in the way many, many slashers don't like het. They have that right. Possibly they don't even know it exists. Not everything is a big conspiracy; not everyone is out to get you or exclude you. Get over it. Also, sparked by something Seema said on zendom, I don't think fanfic is the end all and be all of fandom. (Not that she said that. She didn't. I'm just grandstanding now, 'cause I can.) I was in the Buffy and Angel and Homicide fandoms long before I ever even started reading fanfic, let alone writing it. I looked for online outlets for my obsessions because I didn't know anyone in "real life" who watched BtVS or H:LotS, and I wanted to share my excitement and discuss every little aspect of my shows with others who knew what the hell I was talking about. That's why I never needed to join any X-Files groups or lists. I watched from day one, and had friends who did also -- I had an outlet for discussion, and every Monday [even when it was on on Fridays], there was XF discussion at work, along with Seinfeld or Cheers or whatever. So, even beyond slashers, I'm sometimes amazed at how online fans [ficcers and discussers] have this view that they're the only game in town, and that they're a large enough presence to actually influence a show's writers/producers. Um, no. Don't think you are. Yeah, a writer will throw references in [ask Sarah T. *g* Even I had a brush with fame when David Mills gave Jeannie Boulet my porn name on ER. He had read the Great Porn Name thread of the Summer of '98 on alt.tv.homicide and a few of us got included in a script he wrote for ER], but don't think that the whims of a couple thousand people (if that) are going to influence a show. Ratings points stand for millions of people, and we are nothing but a teeny tiny drop in that bucket. In other news, someone moved my Wolvie action figure from the little back shelf of my desk onto one of the computer speakers. He looks like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever, with one arm (claws out) pointing skyward and the other... not. Okay, not *so* much like John Travolta in SNF. *g* But poor Rogue is still leaning against the snowman coffee mug. They're too far apart. Waaah! I wonder who moved him. The cleaning lady? One of my guys? Leslie used to play with Wolvie when she was bored or frustrated. One of the advantages of having toys on your desk, yes? So, yesterday I had to sit in on a meeting with the auditors, to discuss what they need from us so they can write their letters about us being in compliance. I don't get debt compliance. I really don't. I got the need for an implanted insulin pump and trademarking the Walk logo. I got the debate over rushing to clinical trials on new interferons in order to combat MS, and the need to lobby at the federal, state and local level for people with disabilities. I just. don't. get. debt compliance. And I'd forgotten the mind-numbing, soul-sucking boredom of meetings, not having been to any in almost a year. Yeah. *g* I had my six month anniversary here last week. Nobody said anything, so I suppose I'm going to have to ask about a review and a <*gasp*> raise. And it was a year ago this week that I began my five months of blissful unemployment. Man, time flies. victoria [current mood: thoughtful] [current music: The Needle and the Damage Done - Neil Young] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-02-07 - 10:59 p.m. hope for the future Was just doing a very bad thing... Eating cheetos in bed. Yes, cheetos smell like feet. I've been very vocal on this point over the years, but damn, sometimes you just need that puffy, processed cheesy goodness, with its neon orange glow and stick in your teeth-ness. Yes, I'm very hungry. I'm also showered, in my pajamas [or the old chambray shirt that's currently serving as my pajamas, for the voyeurs among you <*snerk*>], and not going out [even if there was anywhere to go in this neighborhood, even if it was safe to go there!]. So cheetos was it. I also have pretzels and popcorn, but again, sometimes only an orange processed cheese product - that tastes like corn instead of cheese - will do the trick. Random interesting links: *melymbrosia has written a cogent review of "Dead Things," which has made me think a little harder about an episode I thought was mostly bad -- the echoes of Faith with Spike, if deliberate, are quite good and subtle. I still think this episode was ... not good, but I didn't realize all the Faith echoes until she pointed them out, and it *is* an interesting look at Buffy, so convinced that she's not like Faith, and yet, here she is, three years later, becoming exactly like Faith. Gives me hope that the writers may actually know what they're doing, which I'm still not convinced of, but I guess a little of Pete's rosy-glasses view of life has infected me. *This and this give me hope that someday, women who aren't a size 1 and 90 lbs soaking wet will be recognized as beautiful. *Since everyone else is talking about it, I too shall mention the current phenomenon [fad?] of googlewhacking. Keeps me occupied when I'm bored. Of course, I get stuck on one word and then can't think of anything else. Unfortunately, fanfiction isn't in the dictionary, or I'd have gotten it with discalculia fanfiction, which appears in this very diary and nowhere else online! *g* Hey, I make my own fun, okay? ~victoria [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-02-07 - 4:30 p.m. Greg Dulli is god Sooooo boooorrrreeedddd. Gah. Could this day *be* any longer? Got some thoughts roiling around my head - another first line challenge from khaki - "They died instantly" is sort of mixing and merging with that Challenge in a Can "Logan, credit card, enraged" thing. I mean, I wrote Fiscal Responsibility, 'cause Beth wanted foof, and I thought it was funny to turn it on its ear, but I do have this angsty Rogue-death fic, or, more accurately, Logan responding badly to Rogue's death fic, swirling around in my head, and that opening line... That could be something there. I dunno. I think I'm also just trying to distract myself from the three things I'm currently actively working on - Consumption, Time's Fool and NotDL. Clever Plan is just waiting final polishing. I may post it tonight. Dunno. Still trying to figure out why I procrastinate on writing. Some of it is sheer exhaustion. I mean, I'm ready to fall asleep here, so you'd think I'd be all about writing, but instead I'm looking for distraction via email and diaries etc. And when I get home, I'm all about answering email and chatting on AIM. And I just want to snooze on the commute. I need to sleep more. More sleep = more writing. Yeah. That's it. Song lyrics currently occupying my mind: "If I speak at one constant volume, at one constant pitch, at one constant rhythm, right into your ear, you still won't hear. You still won't hear. You STILL won't hear. You still won't hear..." - A Small Victory - Faith No More "When I wake up in my makeup / Have you ever felt so used up as this? / It's all so sugarless / Hooker/waitress / Model/actress / Oh, just go nameless / Honeysuckle, she's full of poison / She obliterated everything she kissed / Now she's fading somewhere in Hollywood / I'm glad I came here with your pound of flesh / You want a part of me? / Well, I'm not selling cheap / No, I'm not selling cheap" - Celebrity Skin - Hole "You can fuck my body, baby, but please, don't fuck my mind." - Neglected - Afghan Whigs Say it with me, people... Greg Dulli is god! ~victoria [current mood: exhausted and bored] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-02-07 - 10:13 a.m. random writing thoughts So here at BEMC it's a "policy" that they've taken away our access to "control panel" so I can't change the damn colors on my screen. Grr. Saw a kid reading the X-Men movie novelization on the train this morning. Felt like jumping up and making sure he knew that all the L/J stuff in there was bunk. Of course, if he's seen the movie, he knows that. *g* Speaking of X-Men, I read Origin #4 yesterday. Jen is right. It is a little disappointing. And not much happens. Very, very slow, like a filler episode or something. I mean, yeah, Logan's grown (so has Rose, and *don't* tell me he hasn't noticed), but uh, boring. Also, out of the 143 fanfics I've finished since August 2000, 122 of them are X-Men related. I'm the Stephen King of XMM, I sometimes think. And that has its good sides and its bad sides, much as I'm sure being Stephen King does, except i don't have a bazillion dollars and am not set forever financially, nor do I get to play in a rock band with Dave Barry. Sigh. I love Dave Barry. But I digress. Out of those 122, approximately 22 of them don't revolve around Logan/Rogue, or L/R aren't lovers or aren't mentioned etc. (e.g., Real Slim Shady has L/R undertones, but it's not about them, it's about Scott, so it doesn't count). So 100 fics about the same couple getting together, breaking up, having sex (still no baby fic, which I'm sure pleases Devil Doll to no end. Hi chica! ::waves:: <*smirk*>), having angst. Is it any wonder I've slowed down my production? I'm afraid of repeating myself. The end of Time's Fool can't be too much like the end of Complications, for example. I don't mind repeating themes or tropes - I think the main thing I write about is miscommunication and how Logan and Rogue would save themselves a lot of grief if they actually, you know, spoke to each other, regardless of the advice others may have given them about their relationship. The other thing I tend to write about is forgiveness and how necessary it is, and how it's something freely given, because it's needed - by both parties - and not necessarily earned. I like to think even my PWPs aren't really, that they do something to limn the characters, and that you couldn't exchange Logan and Rogue for Jubilee and Bobby and still have the fic work, gloves and scarves notwithstanding. So creativity is at a premium now. I'm not *too* worried about originality, since there isn't anything new under the sun, and I think Jen and Dot have finally beaten that through this thick skull of mine, that creativity and originality come from execution of an idea, not necessarily the idea itself. But I do worry about repeating myself. I do worry about being just a hack. Big discussion on zendom about the dreaded words, "It's just fanfic." or "It's just a hobby." and how that shouldn't be a rationalization for badfic. And then the discussion moved on to whether people who lavish praise on badfic can really tell the difference between quality and dreck or if they just don't know better, or if there's this whole ethos that "We love ALL fanfic" and criticism isn't welcome because fic comes "from the heart" and is an opening up of one's soul to public scrutiny. And, as I've made clear before, I don't think that should be the case. Obviously, personal attacks are off-limits. Yeah, I like to draw up little psych profiles of the authors I read, based on their little quirks that show through in their stories. I'm sure you can get a good grip on my neuroses if you read through my oeuvre <-- this is me being pretentious. Actually, this is me making fun of me being pretentious, but whatever. Anyway. ad hominems are best left at the door when it comes to criticizing any work of art, but that doesn't mean that some objective standards of quality can't be applied. And I have no problem with people who are just starting out or who don't know any better. Well, okay, I do have a problem with that, but that's more to do with the educational system and its failure to give students a fucking basic understanding of the English language than it is with any individual author. I'm talking about total misuse of homonyms (I checked the spelling on that, and it says this is correct, though it doesn't look right to me) like "taught" or "taunt" for "taut" or "feudal" for "futile." These are errors that spell check isn't going to catch (though a grammar checker might, but I hate Word's grammar checker and use it only rarely. I hate Word altogether, but they won't let me have WordPerfect here. Sigh), and that a competent beta will, which is why everyone needs a beta reader. No, my problem is with the types of writers who, when you point out an error like that, or an error like, say, the repeated misspelling of the main character's name (it's ROGUE, people, not ROUGE. Rouge is red in French or a type of makeup), get all huffy and refuse to try to do better next time. It's the people who spout this philosophy that you shouldn't let anyone say anything about your writing that you wouldn't let them say about your child. Hello? That woman who said that should be strung up by her thumbs and forced to read reams of bad fanfic from all fandoms. Oh yes. Let's see how much of "Rouge caressed Magento's taunt muscles" she can take without screaming. (Thanks, DD. *Love* that example.) I think there's a serious mis-prioritizing going on there. Be supportive, yes. But be honest. Some people don't have the talent god gave a billy goat to string words together and tell a compelling story. And if they want to write, more power to 'em, I say. But 1. don't expect me to read it and praise it, and 2. if I make an honest and polite offer to help, don't rain fire and brimstone down on my head and call me a snob or a bitch for expecting fiction to be readable and *enjoyable*. It's my time you're asking for there, and dammit, don't waste it. It's too precious, and I need to waste it on other things like writing in my diary and bemoaning Spuffy. Another interesting thing that came up on zendom this morning. Seema and Christine were talking about how we all have room for improvement and there was some mention of comparing early work [I'm not going to call it juvenilia, because I have no juvenilia when it comes to fanfic, and I'm not sharing anything original I wrote when I was 10 or 14. *g*] with more recent stuff to see how much improvement there's been. Now, my first fic was betaed thoroughly. When I say thoroughly, I mean it. Probably nothing since has been gone over with such a fine tooth comb as that fic, and so I think it probably stands, by itself as one of the better things I've written. It's a vignette. I think perhaps the series it spawned is ... lesser... but that first fic, I'd put it up against anything I've written since, and it's probably better than at least half of what I've written since. For comparison purposes, here is the link to Enough for Now, written in August 2000, and a link to something I wrote almost a year later, 32 Flavors, which I consider one of my best short stories. Have I improved? I think so. But, all kidding and such aside, I think I was pretty damn good to begin with. I wasn't a novice writer when I started ficcing. I'd been writing since childhood, and done some non-fiction writing professionally as well as proofreading scientific manuscripts, and having poetry published and god this sounds egotistical, but what I'm trying to say is, there's a difference between coming to fanfic having never tried to write before, and having spent a good 20 of your 30 years on the planet putting pen to paper in some way. And I'm listening to Born in the U.S.A., which, for those of you who've joined us late, is not - repeat NOT a patriotic song about the great things in this country. It's a protest song about the way Vietnam vets have been treated. As I'm listening, I realize that I had a whole rant on patriotism planned, based around those sickening commercials for the Olympics, as well as all the patriotic crap shoved down our throats during the Super Bowl, but I guess that can wait until later, as fanfic rose to the top of my mind, as always. In other news, cantaloupe smut is with the betas, and I hope to post sometime soon. ~victoria [current mood: thoughtful and yet egotistical *g*] [current music: Born in the USA - Bruce Springsteen] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. If you do not like or agree with the contents herein, or find them to be offensive on more than one occasion, please go elsewhere and don't come back. Management is not responsible for any adverse reactions to content within. The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme. The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney. This site is best viewed with IE4+ | 1024x768 | true color | verdana | tables