a fool's musings

Boreas by Waterhouse
Fool, said my muse to me,
look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content

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the five Ws, or, all about me

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current mood: current mood

"pathological and unbalanced"

Items of Interest

    Music
  • Walk On - U2
  • Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen
  • If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar
  • Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet
  • Town Called Malice - The Jam
  • One - U2
  • The Space Between - DMB
    Books
  • Lord of the Rings
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  • The Neely Trilogy
  • Absalom! Absalom!
  • Possession: A Romance
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  • Sandman
  • Waking the Moon

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  • Angel

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2002-02-11 - 7:27 p.m.

well, I *was* Arwen. *g*

Who's your Fellowship fella?
Tall, dark, and RUGGEDLY handsome!

Definitely like this answer. *g*

~victoria

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2002-02-11 - 12:58 p.m.

geese and movies

You know, I think I deserve some credit for refraining from the obvious reference when discussing Canada geese.

Just thought I'd point that out.

If you've paid attention at all, and have any knowledge of movies, you'll know of what I speak.

<*grins*>

~victoria

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2002-02-11 - 11:18 a.m.

weyrleader material?


Take the What Color Dragon Should You Ride? Quiz


Made By: myway and teza


I did so love F'lar, though I expected to be queen.

I really need to compile that fictional boyfriends list. *g*

And another quiz... from Devil Doll...
I am The Friendly Gal!
My smile will brighten your day. I'm always there to help and everyone comes to me with their secrets. People trust me and my sweet face.
I'm not stupid, I know that my friendly, trustworthy demeanor helps give me the upper hand in getting what I want. Wheeee!


What kind of beauty are you?
find out at Swimmingly!

~victoria

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2002-02-11 - 9:48 a.m.

belonging v. joining

Okay, was just in the middle of a big conversation about Canadian [technically, Canada] geese and how much they poop in the parks, making said parks icky for kids to play in.

I work with a bunch of suburbanites, a strange triibe, to be sure. *g*

Apparently the average Canada goose drops 3 lbs of poop per day.

That's a lot of goose poop to be stepping around.

Anyhow, belonging v. joining...

I've always said I'm not a joiner [which is belied, I suppose, by the fact that I'm on like 25 mailing lists]. I mean, in high school I never signed up for any clubs, never did any group activities.

In college, I refused to pledge the sorority, even after it died and the girlfriend of one of my fratboy friends wanted us to revive it.

Diana and I always said if we were going to join the Greeks, we'd join DKE, since that's where all the action was anyway. We even went to one of their meetings once, because we were attempting to plan the big senior spring break trip.

That went nowhere, since everyone but Diana, Fran and me dropped out, and they decided that the three of us shouldn't go on vacation together.

I was all for it. *g*

Anyhow, it always struck me as stupid to pay money to dress up for frat meetings when we could just wait at the bar for them to get out of their stupid meetings. And don't get me started on the hazing. There's no way in hell I would submit myself to that kind of humiliation.

I mean, I do pretty well at embarrassing myself without outside help, you know? Why am I going to let other people do it for me, just so later on I can be one of them and have to go to meetings and such?

Yeah, yeah, networking etc. But you know what? You can network without that stuff if you really want to. I could have used any of those guys as an in somewhere if they'd been somewhere I wanted to be and I wanted to trade on that acquaintance. They'd have helped me out. 'Cause that's what friends do, regardless of whether I was a frat brother or not.

So yeah, not much of a joiner.

Yet I'm also not the type to impose myself on others without being invited. And even when *other* people think they've issued me a standing invitation, I'm always hesitant to actually take them up on that.

I mean, again, in college, it wasn't until late into senior year that I stopped waiting to be invited to the Coli every week, and just assumed that I'd go. They all expected I'd be there - I was one of them. But I was never really used to that, except within my own small circle of friends from high school, and even then, things were weird sometimes.

Later I found out they considered me "one of them" long before I ever did, and in fact, thought I'd been with them for certain events when, in fact, I hadn't.

Same thing with the "cool club" at JDF. I was so hesitant there, afraid they didn't want me around 'cause I worked for the boss, or that they only invited me because I overheard them talking about going out, but then there was that whole schism in the group for a while, and we went out at least once every week for almost a year, usually more than once, and then everybody got along again and it was all of us, until people started leaving.

Those were great times, though sometimes the amount of beer I drank baffles the hell out of me. Nicole and I used to calculate at the end of some of those $10 all you can drink nights that we'd had anywhere from 96 to 108 ounces of beer. Bass Ale. God, no wonder I was puking my guts out every time.

Ahem.

Anyhow, with online communities, I think there's that same dynamic for me.

I will spit out my 11 cents [Homicide reference for those of you who were wondering] in any forum without hesitation, but I rarely feel like I'm part of a group, even if I'm very comfortable there, until someone explicitly mentions that I am.

I'm one of those annoying people who, yes, is waiting for an engraved invitation. I don't like being where I'm not wanted, and I'm fairly certain [and perhaps overly sensitive, some would say ::cuts eyes at Dot::] that I'm *not* until I see otherwise.

Yeah, yeah, low self-esteem, yada yada.

What can I say, I tend not to believe people like me. I'm always amazed that they do.

One of the things that I love about online fandom is that sense of community -- finding a bunch of like-minded people who are as geeked about something [show/movie/book] as you are.

And if you're a newbie and you catch the group at the right time, you can ride it for quite a while, becoming a grizzled veteran as your obsession of choice suddenly peaks and breaks into the mainstream [I'm thinking Buffy here], part of the "in crowd" or at least the "regulars."

And maybe it's the barfly in me, but nothing made me so happy as when I was explicitly recognized as a "regular" in a group - it happened in ath, where I was so convinced no one knew who I was, even though I'd been posting there for almost a year, and they corrected me firmly that I was a regular and they did know me. *g*

So I had that sense of belonging which I crave.

Now, after a year and a half and various mailing list contretemps in more than one fandom [let's not get into the reason I unsubbed from stranger things, a list I was never active on, but was seriously turned off by the fascist new list mod, who broke her own rules about taking things off-list], I definitely still crave that community vibe, but I find it more in the blog echo than in any one list.

I suppose that's why some people say online diaries/journals/blogs are "ruining" mailing lists, but I don't believe it. I think having a place to vent, like a diary, allows people to be more diplomatic on list.

I also think that it allows for people who want a discussion that may start out Smallville- centered, for example, but that ends up being about semiotics and mythology and Jung [or something], can have it without being spanked by the list mods for OT-ness [and this isn't a knock against any listmods on any lists. Well, except for that chick on Stranger Things. That was just an example of why blogs can be good] and boring all the people who are on list only for fic or for drooling purposes, and allows people who want more than "Lex is soo coool!" to have it without pissing anyone off.

Everybody wins!

*g*

And now I've been interrupted by my boss, who is once again on about how 3M screwed up the dispensers for those little "sign here" flags. This is like his personal bugaboo. I can't tell you how often I've heard about it.

And it's totally broken my train of thought, so I'll just end now.

~victoria
[current mood: non c'é male]
[current music: Werewolves of London - Warren Zevon]

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2002-02-10 - 10:16 p.m.

Dreaming of X2

Yet again, Alias kicks ass. Even Quentin Tarantino's so-called "acting" couldn't ruin this amazing episode.

I love Sydney. I love Vaughn. I love Marshall, and Francie and Dixon, and even her father, and oh god, I love Weiss [the guy from Felicity]. Will annoys me, but his storyline means the possibility of more Ken Olin, so I'm okay with that.

This is what a tv show *should* be.

Also been emailing with various people about X2 and the fear we L/R shippers have that they're going to ram the stupid L/J idea down our throats. But the way I look at it is this: L/J/S can still be the main "romantic" focus, as long as it isn't resolved, and they can still give us some good L/R friendship/meaningful moments, and we'll be okay.

Because there's no way Janssen can match the chemistry that Paquin has with Jackman. And I'd hope the filmmakers were smart enough to see that and use it. And there will always be that third film to bring all our W/R hopes to fruition.

As long as they don't pair Rogue irrevocably with Remy [if he's even *in* the sequel] or Bobby or something.

What I figure is this - they used the standard action movie meets and falls for girl and girl dies at end of movie plot [see Lethal Weapon 2 for the modern primer on this] and well, Rogue was resurrected. By Logan.

So we don't have to have another "love interest of the moment;" we can move straight to L/R smoochies at some point. *g*

Yeah, I know. I'm dreaming. But it's such a happy place to be.

~victoria
[current mood: dreamy]
[current music: Rhiannon (Live) - Fleetwood Mac]

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2002-02-10 - 2:14 p.m.

got the Red Blues

Was watching Silk Stockings.

Love this movie.

I'm amazed at some of the double entendres and suggestive song lyrics that were allowed in the 50s. "I like the look of you / the lure of you / I'd like to take a tour of you"? "She had agitating eyes / scintillating thighs / lubricating lips / undulating hips"?

Plus one of the big numbers is about lingerie?

But damn, Cyd Charisse can dance. And what a pair of legs...

It's a shame they don't make movies like this anymore - big musicals, I mean.

I know that pop music couldn't support it - and god knows, it's highly unlikely there's anyone who could construct a story as frothy as Silk Stockings (which was, of course, based on Ninotchka or Singing in the Rain.

Though I haven't seen Moulin Rouge, and I don't know how much dancing there is in it, I think it proves that an audience *will* sit through a musical. And I *know* there are talented enough actors out there who can also sing and dance.

Ahem.

I'll refrain from singing Hugh Jackman's praises, but I will say that I would *love* to see him in that special performance of Carousel at Carnegie Hall, even though I don't particularly care for Carousel (it's damn depressing).

Speaking of Hugh, as I usually am *g*, at one point or another, just leads me to speaking of Anna Paquin, and one of the men I work with noted (after picking up my Rogue action figure) that there's something "curiously attractive" about her. *g*

And in another X-Men-ish anecdote, as we were watching the Opening Ceremonies of the Olympics, Nicki said, "Let's watch X-Men instead."

Of course, Victor piped up with, "X-Men is boring!"

They haven't seen the movie (too young), but Victor and I have watched the old cartoon together (and I can't blame him - it's a little too earnest and unfun for little kids, though I think he might like Evo) or, rather, we wrestled for the remote while the old cartoon was on. *g*

In other news, I have a ton of email to answer. If I owe you an email, don't fret. I'm getting to it. Really, I am.

I also have to start writing again. I'm sure I know what I'm going to do. I think. But I can't seem to get myself to sit down and actually, you know, write.

I tried yesterday afternoon, and managed to edit a bit of Time's Fool, but then everyone started talking and I can't concentrate when there's conversation going on all around me, and last night I was too brainfried to do anything more than do my blog rounds and chat on AIM.

So, today I'm doing laundry, and perhaps I'll get some of this other stuff done, as well as hashing out my thoughts on belonging versus joining, because I've been thinking abut it quite a bit lately. Because for someone who claims not to be a joiner (that would be me, if you're not following. God knows, I keep losing my train of thought, so I don't know why I expect anyone else to figure it out), I certainly feel a need to belong. And yet I also like to be outside the group.

Hmm...

What I mean is, I like being invited in, but saying no.

I like having the choice to belong - that I'd be accepted, so I'm the one doing the rejecting, rather than vice versa.

I suppose that's a fairly common, normal feeling, huh?

~victoria
[current mood: contemplative]
[current music: Nero Wolfe on A&E]



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The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme.

The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney.

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