a fool's musings

Boreas by Waterhouse
Fool, said my muse to me,
look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content

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the five Ws, or, all about me

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current mood: current mood

"pathological and unbalanced"

Items of Interest

    Music
  • Walk On - U2
  • Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen
  • If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar
  • Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet
  • Town Called Malice - The Jam
  • One - U2
  • The Space Between - DMB
    Books
  • Lord of the Rings
  • Catch-22
  • The Neely Trilogy
  • Absalom! Absalom!
  • Possession: A Romance
  • Foucault's Pendulum
  • Dreamhouse
  • LA Confidential
  • I Capture the Castle
  • Sandman
  • Waking the Moon

    Shows
  • Angel

    •
  • Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns)

    •
  • Alias

    •
  • West Wing

    •
  • The Simpsons

    •

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2002-02-17 - 2:20 p.m.

BOFQ Death Match - Coming Soon to PPV!

In reading the latest discussion on ClarkLex, I'm thinking it'd be damn fun to take any number of fic divas from all fandoms, and stage a steel cage match. A regular fight to the finish.

I know who I'd put my money on, but damn, even if my contender didn't win, it'd be worth the price of admission.

Two divas enter. One diva leaves.

BOFQ Death Match, coming soon to a mailing list near you.

<*snerk*>

See, this is one of those things about fandom that I both love and loathe.

I hate that people can be so disrespectful of others, and of their audience, but I love that people can discuss the brass tacks of writing and what it means to be a writer, to practice a craft, rather than just string words together and expect to be lauded.

I think there's a definite social contract at work in fandom, and I'm mulling over what exactly it entails. What do you owe fandom? What does it owe you? Is the concept of "owing" completely off-base, and we shouldn't expect any return on our investment of time, effort, and emotion?

Have I been corrupted by capitalism in that I'm going to analyze fandom and fanfic - something that is the very definition of a labor of love - in terms of cost-benefit and ROI?

So yeah, lots of thoughts swirling, nothing concrete enough to share yet.

To totally shift gears, yesterday at the wedding the parents' went to, they were talking to one of the cousins, who, it turns out, works with the wife of my brother's pre-first-grade best friend.

It is a small, small world.

~victoria
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2002-02-16 - 11:07 p.m.

Confessions of a Philistine

I know I've pissed some people off with my contention that figure skating is not a sport.

To me, if it doesn't end with a clear-cut winner and loser, and the winner isn't determined by objective measures, I don't see how it can be a sport and how medals can be awarded.

It's just a popularity contest, then.

I'm in no way denigrating the athleticism and skill of figure skaters, snowboarders, gymnasts, boxers and other athletes whose events don't depend on objective measures.

I'm just saying that to me, if you can't clearly say X won and Y lost at the end of the contest, it can't be a sport.

I know I'm not the only one who thinks this way. Interesting article here on the NBC site.

Honestly, I got sick of skating after the whole Nancy-Tonya debacle, and this only reinforces my distaste.

I do, however, like figure skating movies.

In honor of the Olympics, and to kill time before the USA-Russia game, I just watched The Cutting Edge, a movie I like a whole lot.

DB Sweeney is just adorable, and Moira Kelly does a nice job as the ice queen who finally melts.

I mean, he gives her a Bobby Hull game jersey!

I'd be *all* over that. *g*

Anyhow, this is just a lead in to mention how much of a lowbrow I am when it comes to movies.

I like movies. You can keep your films.

Don't get me wrong. I think some of the movies I love are great films - Casablanca, It Happened One Night, The Philadelphia Story, Bringing Up Baby, Roman Holiday, Breakfast at Tiffany's, Star Wars, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Silence of the Lambs, His Girl Friday, The Princess Bride, The Maltese Falcon, The Big Sleep, Pulp Fiction, LA Confidential, The King and I (the musical, with Yul Brynner, of course. Accept no substitutes.), etc.

But I also love action adventure movies - Lethal Weapon, Die Hard, Terminator, X-Men, The Matrix, Speed etc. - and romantic comedies like The Cutting Edge, The Truth About Cats and Dogs, When Harry Met Sally etc.

And I absolutely cannot stand pretentious "Oscar bait" movies that look really boring and/or depressing, but because they're "serious" everybody raves about them.

I liked American Beauty but I didn't think it was some revelation. Kevin Spacey was quite good, as were most of the other actors, but I didn't go into rapture from watching it. I'd rather watch Grosse Pointe Blank or Groundhog Day, or (and this will tell you what a Philistine I truly am) Major League or Beetlejuice.

I love Bull Durham too, just to detour into sports movies for a sec. *g*

I love Howard's End and Sense and Sensibility. I liked A Beautiful Mind a lot. Because it was a good *story*, not because it was arty or meaningful or deep.

I spend $10 at a movie, I want to be entertained. I don't want to watch three hours of people smoking, wiping their foreheads, and exhibiting ennui. I can get that in real life, regardless of how beautifully lit it is, and how nicely the shots are composed.

There. I feel better.

I've exposed myself as a lowbrow.

I tend to have the same reaction to books that are supposed to be all literary and experimental and deep and thought-provoking.

If all the characters are charmless navel-gazers who don't have a single redeeming quality and the narrative is a big stylistic experiment, I'll pass, thanks, regardless of awards won or any hip cachet attached.

~victoria
[current mood: anticipating]
[current music: Smack My Bitch Up - Prodigy]



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2002-02-16 - 3:45 p.m.

invites and petulance

So I'm sitting here reading my email, making my blog rounds, and eating nonpareils, just being happy I don't have anywhere to go today and nothing really to do. I don't think I'll even have face-to-face contact with another human being, and that's just fine by me.

The parents are at a wedding, but I may go over there to scrounge up dinner, since I don't feel like ordering Chinese and am still set on not eating fast food ever again [though I did have french fries from Mickey D's on Thursday. I figured, there's no non-meat in them, so they should be okay, and they were], and Aldo's is now Al-Medina, and to my mind, Indian food and pizza just should never, ever, mix.

Anyhow, parents are at a wedding, and I was invited but chose not to go. One reason is that it's some first cousin once removed [i.e., she's the daughter of one of my first cousins] who I haven't seen in probably 10 years, and another is that they couldn't be bothered to send me my own invitation.

Daddy tells me I'm ridiculous for getting annoyed at this, but I'm 31 years old. I've lived on my own for almost 8 years. You'd think people in the freaking family would be able to send me an invitation addressed to me, personally, at my very own address.

I don't think that's too much to ask. I mean, if I still lived at home, then maybe I could see saving fucking 34 cents in postage by writing "And Victoria" on the invitation to the parents.

But the fact is, I don't live there, and haven't since May of 1994. Many of my relatives manage to send me Christmas cards and invitations to my very own home address.

Therefore, I don't think it's crazy to be annoyed when someone doesn't.

Honestly, I think it's a double standard, because I'm single.

I'm not married, therefore I must live at home, pining away like an old maid.

Bah.

So whenever someone does that, I just decline the invitation. Because it pisses me off.

It's bad enough to see some of my cousins [and I'm the youngest of the first cousins on my dad's side, and then comes the first cousins once removed, like the chick getting married today, who are younger] talk to me as if I'm still in high school or college whenever I run into them at family events, and to have to suck it up and smile in person. I don't have to over the mail, and I won't.

Whew.

Petulance expunged from the system. I feel good.

I also feel like I should share a fic snippet, since it's been a while, I don't want you to think I haven't been writing, though I have not, in fact, done any writing since Thursday...

So, this is a bit part of Time's Fool...

When Rogue got home, Alex was sitting in her room, in the dark.

"Hey," she said, "what's up?"

"Nothing," he answered, rising and pulling her close. "I missed you."

Her eyebrows rose to her hairline. "I was only gone for six hours. What're you gonna do when you go on tour next week?"

"You can still change your mind and come with us," he said, pressing his lips to her scarf-covered neck. "Come on. It'll be fun."

"I'm sure it would, but I have responsibilities here, Alex," she said, allowing him to walk her back to the bed. “I can’t just disappear in the middle of the semester. Who would take over my classes?”

"You spend too much time with Scott," he muttered.

"Do you really want to talk about your brother at this point in time?" she teased, sliding her hands into his pants.

He grinned down at her, sucking in a breath at her skilled strokes. "I guess not. I just -- I really want you with me. It's going to be hard to be apart for so long."

"It’s hard right now," she snickered and he groaned. "I know, but it'll work out. You'll see. We'll just get really good at phone sex."

She used her legs to roll them over, all the while continuing to stroke him. With one hand, she reached into the drawer and pulled out a condom, which she managed to roll onto him, using her mouth.

He slid his hands into her hair, thrusting into her mouth. "God, Ro- Marie. Marie!"

She raised her head, brow furrowed in surprise. "What did you say?"

He blinked, thrown by the sudden loss of her warm mouth on his cock. "Marie. I said, 'Marie.'"

"You never called me that before."

"It's your name, right?"

She sat up, and he sighed. "Well, yeah, but... Nobody calls me that except -- I mean, nobody calls me that. I haven't been Marie since I left Meridian."

He ran a hand through his hair, his eyes never leaving hers. "I just thought -- you don't call me 'Havok' when we're having sex. Why should I call you 'Rogue'?"

"I," she shook her head, dropping her eyes for a second. "I guess you're right. It's just -- It's -- Never mind. That's fine. You're right. It's my name. You should use it."

She pushed him back down onto the bed and picked up where she’d left off, trying to ignore her own resistance to his use of the name, and the fact that he didn’t do it again.

***

So, you can see, cracks in the facade of their relationship, much as I like this Alex. Now I just have to get them broken up so Logan can sweep in and declare his love.

Cheers,

~victoria

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2002-02-16 - 12:33 a.m.

Hat Trick!

Hat trick!

Woohoo!

John LeClair!



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2002-02-15 - 11:18 p.m.

quiz me!

Green

You are a very calm and contemplative person. Others are drawn to your peaceful, nurturing nature.

Find out your color at Stvlive.com!

ROCK CHICKYour personality type is ROCK CHICK. You rock, girl! You love music and couldn't live without it. You are drawn to partners who seem slightly dangerous and you probably live a fairly unhealthy lifestyle. Despite your obvious femininity, you long to be accepted as "one of the lads" and have an unfortunate tendency to get drawn into drinking contests.
Click HERE to get your own personality doll

Hee!

Anyone else seeing the contradiction here?

I'm a woman of many splendors. I'll let you guess which is more me. *g*

~vic

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2002-02-15 - 11:05 p.m.

USA-Finland

Whew.

Fell asleep and slept longer than expected.

Woke up in time to watch the USA-Finland game, though, which is all I'm really interested in tonight.

I'm a little surprised that Dunham is starting instead of Richter, but I suppose Herb Brooks knows what he's doing, eh? *g*

We'll see.

Okay, can I say I don't like the advertisers on this station? Archer-Daniels-Midland, Southern Company...

Hey, I didn't know Mike York was on the team. I'm trying to figure out who Leetch is paired with, but I can't tell who's who.

I know Tony Amonte is on a line with Billy Guerin and Mike Modano, all of whom I dig (still a little sad about Amonte being traded from the Rangers, even though the trade might have directly led to the Rangers winning the Cup).

And Keith Tkachuk is a just a favorite of mine, so is Brett Hull. Jeremy Roenick.

I don't think there's a guy I don't like on this team, up to and including Chris Chelios.

You know what I did today? This is a measure of how geeky I am - I began printing out all my fic on three-hole punched paper and putting it all in binders, so I'd have hard copies of everything.

I've filled one 2" binder and am working on filling a 4" one, and have already used up two reams of paper.

Gah.

That's a lot of paper, to state the obvious.

~victoria
contemplating ice cream

PS: Pitchers and catchers today, baby. *G*

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2002-02-15 - 2:47 p.m.

Blogger Insider

Okay, there's this cool thing called Blogger Insider, where you get matched with a random blogger and you each ask and answer 10 questions.

This is my first time, and I got paired with Charles at Six Different Ways (you can read his answers to my questions there, and here are my answers to his questions:

1. I checked out your site and have to admit, I didn't understand about 90% of what I was reading."I write mostly X-Men movieverse Wolverine/Rogue shipper fic." No idea - well

I know of the X-Men. So, do you write mostly for other auteurs of fan fiction and such?

Yes. *g*

Generally, people who read fanfiction are fans who can't get enough of their chosen show/movie/book etc. Fanfic fills in the missing scenes, extrapolates out from the ending, supplies romance where there isn't any onscreen, and does all sorts of other fun stuff.

2. Would you believe I've never seen the X-Men film, Buffy the Vampire Slayer, or read a comic book? Should I?

I believe it.

I'd recommend the X-Men movie if you don't mind spending 90 minutes on an action movie. It's a fun ride, Patrick Stewart and Ian McKellen are always worth watching, and Hugh Jackman kicks ass as Wolverine, though I doubt you'll get the thrill I do from his bare chest. *g*

Buffy the movie is a fun waste of time. The series is much, much better, or it was until it began its long, slow slide downhill. I wouldn't recommend it now. It's ... not of the good.

As for reading comics, I don't either. Well, except for the ones Pete's sent me, and the Origin series, which is a limited run [6 issues] comic detailing Wolverine's previously unknown background and origins.

3. Do you think it's pretentious to spell Vampire "Vampyre?"

Yes!

Unless, of course, the person spelling it that way wrote it 1687 or something.

Also, childe.

Where the *hell* does that come from?

4. How do you like living in NYC? Pros and cons?

I love living here, though not, perhaps in the neighborhood I live in, where there's nothing to do and nowhere to go.

But I hope to be changing my location sometime this spring, to a place where I can go shopping after work without being in fear for my life.

You can get whatever you want, whenever you want, in this city. Chocolate from Belgium? Check. Vodka from Poland? Check.

Plus, the best bagels anywhere. I've had bagels in Texas and California and Washington, DC and various points in between, and nowhere do they match the bagels here in NYC.

Italian delis. German delis. Jewish delis. Bakeries and pasticcerias. Salumerias. More bars than you can shake a stick at.

Good food that doesn't come from a chain restaurant.

Central Park. Madison Square Garden. Broadway. Times Square. Lincoln Center. The sports teams. The beaches.

The fact that in the face of any tragedy, New Yorkers pull together instead of apart. The fact that even though we don't stop and chat, if you need help, you'll get it.

The way you can hear 5 or 6 different languages spoken in as many minutes, and meet people from various backgrounds/beliefs/countries.

The way the city is an embodiment of the American dream.

Um, I'll stop now. *g* I think I'm more patriotic based on my city than on the country. Even now. Maybe especially now.

Cons? It's damned expensive - rent, food, commuting, everything is expensive. And there are a lot of people. I don't particularly care for people, en masse, but mostly they don't force their company on you, so it's okay.

The subway is annoying, but when it works, it's the best damn thing in the world.

Traffic is terrible. So is pollution.

5. What's your greatest fear?

That everyone I love will die and leave me alone.

Also, bugs. Bugs freak the hell out of me. Especially roaches and water bugs. ::shudder::

6. What's the furthest south you've travelled, and why?

Acapulco, Mexico, spring break, junior year of college.

7. What cologne or perfume do you wear?

Vanilla oil mostly.

I wear a number of different things - I love Om from the Gap, but they no longer make it. Sigh. My usual scent is vanilla oil from Body shop, but lately I've been using Ginger from Origins. I also like the raspberry body splash from Bath & Body works.

I have a thing for food scents, I guess.

8. Cats or dogs?

Dogs, no doubt about it. Cats are evil. I'm also allergic to 'em, and they know it, so they like to spend time climbing on me when I'm around them..

9. What inspires you to write?

Sheesh, ask the easy questions, why don'tcha?

I've always written, in one way or another. I've always told stories, both in my head and to other people. I have a trunk full of half-written manuscripts and such, dating back to when I was 8-10 years old, as well as a ton of poetry (some of which was published in my college lit magazine many years ago).

I got inspired to write fanfiction after seeing X-Men twice in one weekend and just being blown away by the tender yet explosive chemistry between Logan and Rogue in the movie. I knew there would probably never be anything romantic between them onscreen, even in the sequels, because comics canon has Logan stupidly pining for Jean for lo these many years, whenever he's not falling in love with women who die on him *g* (typical action hero bullshit), but these two characters just… connected - with each other, and with me.

When I got online after seeing the movie, Kate Bolin recommended I read the story Safety in Numbers by Elizabeth.

Well, there it all was. It blew me away again. And I read everything I could get my hands on [check out the WRFA - it's now over 1000 stories, I think, though it didn't exist at the point I'm talking about] .

So I was home sick one day that summer, and had a scene I couldn't get out of my head, so I wrote it. I asked for some editing help on a social Buffy list I'm on, and ended up not only with 4 wonderful beta readers, but 4 amazing friends (5 now. Hi, Melissa!).

To make a long story even longer, I find inspiration in everything. Music, television, movies, other people's stories, books, magazine articles, pithy quotes, dreams - I never quite know what's going to set the muse off, and it's taken me some odd, dark and funny places, but I love doing it.

I'm in the process of outlining a story that will involve *gasp* original characters, something I've not had enough interest in doing since I started writing fanfic. But we'll see how it goes.

And that's probably way more than anyone wanted to know about Vic's fic adventures.

10. What would be your perfect weekend?

Huh.

Depends.

If I had a boyfriend, things would be different.

As of now, in my single state, I'll say the perfect weekend would be 5 days long, first of all. *g*

I would spend quite a bit of it in bed, either sleeping, reading, writing, or online.

Then I would spend some of it with my nieces and nephews, preferably outside, preferably in hot weather, in a swimming pool. There would be beer and cheeseburgers and good tanning, and ice cream for dessert. And a really exciting Mets game on television, which, of course, they'd win in dramatic fashion.

Then I would get together with friends and either go to a nice rooftop bar [it's a shame there don't seem to be any around] or a club and go dancing/drinking. Or possibly a concert out at Jones Beach.

There might be some shopping in there, and perhaps a movie as well.

If I had a boyfriend, you could add in a healthy dose of sex at various points.

Whew, that was longwinded, but not too painful. *g*

***

The above is a good example of *why* I enjoy this diary and all the stuff that comes with it.

I found the link to this article in Lori's blog, and I have to say, I think Dvorak misses the point entirely.

The reasons he lists for blogging/journaling (a construction I hate, personally. Turning nouns into verbs [verbing - gah!] is a horrid process that should be banned)/writing in an online diary are true to some extent.

Ego gratification. Some people need to be the center of attention. It makes them feel good about themselves to tell the world what important things they've been doing and what profound thoughts they've been having. Curiously, while this looks like the most obvious reason for a Web log, I think it's probably the least likely reason, since it's too trite and shallow.

Heh.

Yeah, it's a fair cop, though not, perhaps, the main reason I do this.

I think the reason listed next is my main motivation:

Societal need to share. As a cynic who gets paid to write, I have a hard time with this explanation. But it seems some people genuinely like to "share," and this is one way.

I think this guy totally misses out on the community vibe a round of regularly-visited diaries can produce.

Do I consider everyone I read a friend? Not exactly. I mean, not in the way of people who've known me for a few years and whom I know I could call at all hours with a personal problem and they'd be there for me in a heartbeat.

But in the collegial, "we're all slaves to the muse/we share an obsession" way, sure. And mostly, they have interesting things to say, about things in which I am interested.

What's not to like about that?

I can talk about writing. I can talk about X-Men, Smallville, Buffy and West Wing. I can bitch and moan about whatever's bugging me, whether it's work, life, the story I'm working on (or not working on), or my favorite character's behavior on last night's West Wing ep.

And I think the people who read my diary fairly often are people who are interested in what I have to say about writing, about fannish things, and possibly even to get a glimpse of my life outside fandom.

That's my reason for reading many of the blogs I list.

And through other links and such, I can click around and read people I've never heard of, who are interested in different things, and see what *they're* thinking about something at any given moment.

What's not to like here?

One of the things I like about fandom, when I'm in the "I love fandom" mood, IS that community feeling, that you're in touch with a whole bunch of people who love what you love, and isn't that a good thing?

Wanna-be writers. A lot of people want to be published writers. Blogs make it happen without the hassle of getting someone else to do it or having to write well—although there is good writing to be found. Some is shockingly good. Most of it is miserable. I expect to see those Open Learning classes around the country offering courses in Blog writing.

Huh.

Admittedly, I fall into the writer category. Anyone who writes, is a writer, non?

A good writer? Not everyone, granted. Not everyone who writes fic, not everyone who blogs, certainly not everyone who gets published.

However, aside from the fact that I've run into many fic writers who have no desire to go pro (probably as many, if not more than, ones who'd like to write professionally someday), has this guy never heard, as Lori points out, of self-publishing? Not vanity press, but actual self-publishing? There are a number of books that became best-sellers, and maybe even one or two that are critically-acclaimed, that began this way, though off the top of my head, the only one I can think of is The Celestine Prophecy (I won't comment on its merits as a philosophical text. As an adventure novel, it was all right) that started off as self-published books.

So, it's not like it hasn't been happening in publishing - in the paper world - already.

The fact that everyone can publish online is a good thing, I think. It serves different purposes for different people.

No one's forcing anyone to read any of it, after all.

Gah, this is almost a novel in itself, so I'll stop now because I'm boring myself and I have no idea what I'm thinking anymore, but just let me say, I love my diary. It makes me happy. If that makes me a blithering narcissistic idiot, well, it takes one to know one, right? ;P

~victoria
[current mood: still good - got a raise today *g*]
[current music: Behind Blue Eyes - the Who]

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2002-02-15 - 11:17 a.m.

Friday Five

Never done this before, but it seems like fun.

I present, my answers to the Friday Five:

1. What was the first thing you ever cooked?

I don't recall, because I've been helping cook in one way or another since I was a small child, so probably fig cookies at Christmas with Grandma and Aunt Jean.

On my own? Spaghetti and meatballs, with sauce. I was about 10, I think.

2. What's your signature dish?

Roast loin of pork or manicotti from scratch. Cream cheese cookies.

3. Ever had a cooking disaster? (tasted like crap, didn't work, etc.) Describe.

Oh god yes.

Was making a simple pepper steak dish, simmering the meat in onion soup, and I fell asleep, and the broth boiled away, and the meat burned and the whole thing smoked so bad someone called the fire department, and it stank up the house for days.

4. If skill and money were no object, what would make for your dream meal?

Hmm...

I'd like to go from soup to nuts, (and have someone else do the cleaning up), and I'd probably start with a nice cold soup - maybe a chilled raspberry thing, a pasta - stuffed shells or manicotti, from scratch, then a roast loin of pork, with all the trimmings - roasted potatoes, corn on the cob, stuffing, possibly some vegetable for people who eat them (I don't), then fruit and nuts, then for dessert, maybe a tiramisu and fig cookies, cassateddi [sp? I don't have the cookbook at work *g*] - which are like little dessert calzones.

Plus espresso and cappuccino and regular American coffee.

Ooh, and bread. I'd make bread that actually rose instead of like the last time, where the dough didn't rise enough and it was just leaden.

5. What are you doing this weekend?

Nothing. A big blessed three days of nothingness.

I plan to catch up on fic reading and fic writing, update my website, answer a ton of email, catch up on beta'ing for my gusys (sic), and sleep.

Also, watch the USA hockey team.

~victoria
[current mood: good]
[current music: Over the Hills and Far Away - Led Zeppelin]

I currently can't post to the Friday Five comments page. Sigh. I hate netscape sometimes. I guess I'm supposed to post a link there to here, so I'll have to do it when I get home. Remind me! *g*



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The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme.

The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney.

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