a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content achromatic unfinished fic graveyard recs journal new stuff recent stuff my back pages January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 the five Ws, or, all about me profile e-mail victoria my livejournal the original P&R comments current mood: "pathological and unbalanced" Items of Interest People LiveJournal folks Baraita bishclone claritylit Jintian Kat Allison Kit Mason metablog mix-tapes Neil Gaiman Nestra Sarah T. Seema Shrift Sundry Mourning zendom Music Walk On - U2 Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet Town Called Malice - The Jam One - U2 The Space Between - DMB Books Lord of the Rings Catch-22 The Neely Trilogy Absalom! Absalom! Possession: A Romance Foucault's Pendulum Dreamhouse LA Confidential I Capture the Castle Sandman Waking the Moon Shows Angel Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns) Alias West Wing The Simpsons webrings < ? fanfiction ! > < ? writers ! > diaryreviews.diaryland.com NYC Bloggers Comments by Haloscan.com all links, if I haven't screwed up somehow, should open in a new browser window

2002-02-21 - 9:21 a.m. busy little bee Gaah! Crazy day! Everybody needs something and they all need it now! <*Leslie*>I'm only one person!<*/Leslie> (Not that she's reading this. snerk.) Of course, I don't let that stop me from eating breakfast and writing in my diary. Say it with me now: I'm an addict. My boss was using my phone when I came in, and dear *god* his cologne is about to knock me out. He must have no sense of smell [and probably no tastebuds either] left. Go amuse yourselves while I work: The Perfume or Marvel Supervillain Quiz Scarily, I got 9 out of 10 right. And here is a very interesting rant on writing and criticism, which I agree with. So, I'll let her speak for me at the moment, since I have to work. Grr. ~victoria [current mood: frazzled] [current music: Centerfield - John Fogerty] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-02-20 - 8:53 p.m. Rogue, of course I'm Rogue What X-Men Character are You? How surprised am I not? Actually, I got Scott the first time, changed one answer, and wound up with Rogue. Which is kind of what I expected. And I only answered "Beer" once, so I guess that's why I didn't get Logan. I would have picked "Harley" but Green Monkey has enlightened me about how crapass most Harleys are. *snerk* Of course, I think I'd prefer it if she didn't look like a "Flashdance" reject in the picture. Sigh. They couldn't have used one of the recent short-haired Rogue? Or Evo!Rogue? And woohoo! Go Team USA! Richter gets the shut out. Love that. Playing the Russians on Friday - 22 years to the day of the miracle on ice. Could be very, very interesting. *g* ~victoria [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-02-20 - 3:00 p.m. Hockey madness! Okay, I admit to not showing much Olympic fervor, but I'm almost giddy at all the controversy swirling around tonight's USA-Germany hockey game. I mean, Herb Brooks is snarking at the Germans. The German coach apparently is still holding a grudge from 1980. Hell, it's not even related to this particular game, but the Great One is talking smack! How often does *that* happen? Woohoo! If only Mark Messier (or, my pet name for him, The Skull) were in SLC to back him up. *g* Hey, anything to get Messier out on the ice. And you know I'm just dying for Gretzky to rip off that suit, with his uni on underneath, so he can jump out on the ice when Team Canada needs him most! It's just like when I used to watch Larry Bird coach. Come on - we all know we were hoping for it! Not that I'm rooting for Team Canada. I want my boys to bring home the gold. But if the US doesn't do it, I'd rather the Canadians win than the Russians, Czechs or Finns. Though I have to say, I really, really, REALLY hope it doesn't come down to a shootout again. I mean, is there any LAMER way of deciding a gold medal than a freaking shootout? Bah. Feh. They ought to play until someone *wins*, like in the playoffs. Anyhow, here are some links to articles and a couple quotes from today's (and yesterday's) New York papers about the whole tempest in a teacup... Canada Worries and Waits for Hockey Gold: "This has nothing to do with the Olympics, nothing to do with sport," said John McElvoy, a hoarse 29-year old fan from Ottawa surrounded by flag-waving throngs at Canada's game against the Czech Republic on Monday. "It has everything to do with life, everything to do with Canada. Hockey is life in Canada." I love our neighbors to the north. I really do. They've given us hockey and Molson. What's not to love? And, come Stanley Cup FInals time, hockey *is* life. Herb, Germans In War of Words Brooks on Offensive: Says U.S. has 'Game 7 mentality' History Suggests It Should Be Battle and a quote: "Here, at last, is an Olympic brouhaha that New Yorkers can understand. Not about figure skating judges, ordinals, nuanced body lines or triple lutzes. This baby is about one guy tanking a game the other night, and the other guy calling an entire nation a bunch of losers. "Of the two acts, there can be little doubt that Zach's behavior was more reprehensible. By refusing to pull his goalie in the closing minute of a one-goal loss to Canada, Zach manipulated the standard conduct of a game to feed his strange death wish. He gets his shot at Team USA." and this, about the whys and wherefores of Gretzky's outburst: Canada's Critics Grate on Gretzky These are from ESPN.com: Great One's complaints ring hollow Canadians find their game as the real Games begin Hee! I love this. I can't wait to get home tonight to watch. I want to see Team USA grinding it out in the corners, finishing their checks, taking their shots instead of the endless pass-pass-pass too many teams with an abundance of stars end up playing. I want to see Brian Leetch go end to end and put one past the German goalie. I want to see Mike Richter slide from post to post and make saves and cover up rebounds. I want to see Tony Amonte and Mike Modano on a give and go. I want to see Brett Hull put the biscuit in the basket. (and once more rub Team Canada's face in the fact that they didn't want him last time. Heh.) God, I love hockey. I'm antsy just thinking about it. Squee! victoria [current mood: giddy] [current music: Where the Streets Have No Name - U2] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-02-20 - 10:40 a.m. Making it... On the zendom list, there's been a discussion the past couple of days about "making it" as a fanfic writer. As in, when have you made it? Is there a difference between you thinking you've made it and others thinking you have? I.e., is it something external, that other people think about you, while you never think it at all? Can you "unmake" it? And do you have to "remake" it in every new fandom you join? I speak of "you" in the generic sense, of course. Anyhow, in thinking about this, as I have been lately, here is Vic's definition of "making it." 1. You get recommended by people other than your friends. 2. Your stories appear on poly-fandom recommendations sites like YMMV or Polyamorous Recommendations etc. I'm sure there are other sites out there that do this, but I'm blanking on them right now. *g* 3. When a newbie pops up in your fandom and asks, "Who is a must-read author? What stories are necessary to have read in this fandom?" your name and your fic are consistently mentioned. 4. It gets back to you that people you've never heard of are reccing your fic left and right, or discussing it in forums [forae?] you've never heard of, or at a con at which you are not present and had no hand in arranging. 5. When a promising new writer comes along, s/he is described as "the new you" or "she writes like *you*" and it's understood as a tremendous compliment to the newbie. 6. There is no number 6. 7. Everyone in the fandom knows your name and while they might not all like you, or your fic, you're well-respected anyway, based on sheer writing prowess. 8. You've been referred to as a BOFQ (Bitter Old Fic Queen) or a BNF (Big Name Fan - had never heard this expression til about two days about but hey, I'm all about the fannish jargon *snerk*) by someone other than yourself [self-identifying as a BOFQ doesn't count. *G*] I don't think you need to hit all eight (seven? *G*) of these, but at least three of 'em will, in my opinion, mean you've "made it" in your fandom of choice. I also think that there *is* a difference about who's made it and who hasn't, depending on whether one is the writer in question or not. I mean, I could reel off a list of names of people who I think have "made it" and I bet at least half of them would be surprised and say no. So there is a disconnect between how others see you and how you see yourself. I think that ties in with the clique thing I've talked about - we all see ourselves as "unpopular" to a degree, or, perhaps a better way of putting it is, we all see ourselves as "outsiders" (not Socs, at any rate and yes, it's a sad and obvious reference, but how could I resist the siren call of a childhood favorite? I wonder if there's any fic... No. Will resist possible slashiness of Johnny/Pony - no more corruption of childhood favorites), so to somehow believe we've "made it" or are at the top of the fandom foodchain is ... disconcerting and not in line with our own perceptions of self. Can you "unmake" it or lose that status? I think you can, if you stay away long enough or piss enough people off. On the other hand, the point was made that disappearing into the ether and becoming semi-legendary can only enhance one's status - as in "I've written the best there is in ABC fandom, so I've moved on to bigger and better things." Or, "I'm too good for the shit the PTB are shoveling now; it's not that I *can't* write anymore, it's that I don't *want* to." (thanks for that insight, Jemima. I hadn't thought of it at all.) Do you have to "make it" in every new fandom you enter? Speaking strictly from a fic writing perspective (as all this has been. If you asked me if I'd "made it" as a fan strictly in terms of discussion newsgroups, I'd say yes, I had and have passed into legendary and undead status in atbvs, because if I showed up there now, any regulars from my time who were left would be happy to see me and the rest wouldn't know who the hell I am. Of course, that would mean fertile new minds for recruitment into minionhood and C/A shippiness [which I was the proponent of *long before* this version we're getting now]), I think that most writers do not take their status with them from one fandom into another, especially if they're moving into an old, long-established fandom which already has its own high-status writers. However, fandom is small enough and there seem to be a handful of writers who either bring their coterie of "fans" with them to whatever new sandbox they enter, or are already known outside their original fandom, so they don't have to start over. So I think if you've been around long enough, you *don't* have to "remake" it. Again, I could name a few writers who seem to have that kind of following. So there you have it, my long essay on "making it" and I swear, I can't be the only one who remembers that damn early '80s tv show "Making It" with David Naughton of "Dr. Pepper" and "An American Werewolf in London" fame, can I? I can hear the theme song in my head. Ooh, and before I forget, speaking of all this, there's a new article up at Easter Egg Vinegar in Your Eye in which Lori has a conversation with her muse about these and other things related to writing. ~victoria [current mood: thoughtful and curious] [current music:: Corduroy - Pearl Jam] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-02-19 - 9:35 p.m. One Fandom to rule them all, and in the darkness bind them I feel like I should have something witty or profound to say right now, but I don't. I ate more cheese doodles at one sitting than any sane person ought to, and now I'm showered and ready to go to sleep. Yes, I know it's only 9:35. But I'm *sleepy*... Talking with Devil Doll, and she's right. There really is only One Fandom. The same personalities, the same arguments, the same conflicts, the same in-jokes and references, the same cliques and anti-cliques and BOFQs - they all exist in each and every fandom as it evolves. They differ only in actual content; the means and motives and methods are always the same. Which is why people who've been in fandom for a while (not me, technically. Though yes, I have been in fandom for years, I've only been heavily involved in fic writing for a little over 18 months) or people who've been in numerous fandoms will experience deja vu all over again, every time. Eh, this is too complicated for me right now. Instead, I bring you my desert island discs: 1. Born to Run - Bruce Springsteen 2. Pretty Hate Machine - Nine Inch Nails 3. Ten - Pearl Jam 4. August and Everything After - Counting Crows 5. Achtung Baby - U2 All lists are subject to change without notice and at the slightest whim. ~victoria [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-02-19 - 2:13 p.m. colors and slashers and torture, oh my This was snagged from Devil Doll: The Colorgenics test: You have always longed for tenderness, love and a sensitivity of feeling into which you would like to blend. You are a very gentle warm person and responsive to "All things bright and beautiful". This personifies a caring person... A person who "needs" and indeed "needs to be needed". You are a leader in every sense of the word. You know where you are going and you know what you need to do in order to get there. You exercise an inherent initiative in overcoming obstacles and difficulties. You either hold or wish to achieve a position of authority in authority by means of which full control can be exerted over events. "Compromise" is the name of the game at this time...and it is the only way by means of which you can avoid being deprived of the love and affection you so rightly deserve...so soften up a little... be flexible. You are pretending that the situation around you doesn't matter, but the effort of trying to conceal your emotions and anxieties is resulting in untold stress. The existing situation is disagreeable. You feel unwanted and lonely and you would really like to associate with someone whose ideals are as high as your own. You want to be above the standard of mediocrity... and this need to be needed and that need to need has almost become an obsession. You are trying to magnify the need into a compelling urge. You would really like to tell the world how great you are... but no... you are holding back because you feel that your peers may treat you with contempt. This is a great pity because you have in fact a unique quality of character but the continual restraint that you impose on yourself make you suppress this need for others and you pretend you don't really care. You treat those who criticise you with contempt. However, to be honest ... beneath this assumption of indifference you really long for the approval and esteem of others. You would like to be respected and valued for yourself and this can only be achieved from a close and harmonious relationship. Me: Bwahahahahaha. Okay, some of it is true. Very true, in fact, but still... leadership? Me? I don't want that kind of responsibility. Jesus, I'm lucky I can get myself out of bed in the morning. I don't want to have to worry about anyone else and what the hell they're doing. These next two come from Diebin and Donna>: I'm Aragorn/Gandalf! What LoTR Ship Are You? I'm just wondering what I'd have had to do to get Legolas/Aragorn. Hmm... Though it is true, I'm not one to worry about age gaps much, eh? <*snerk*> Victim was chained to you, then were slowly crushed as the handle was turned. Smaller versions of you held only the victim's head. Oww. You're a real pain to be around when you're angry, but you could force a confession out of the most stubborn. What torture would you be? Again, not particularly untrue, though I admit I was kinda hoping for "Boiling Oil". That's the pyro in me, though. ~victoria [current mood: snarky] [current music: Train in Vain - the Clash] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-02-19 - 9:49 a.m. cross-fandom arguments... As I go through the 125 messages I have in my inbox this morning, because obviously it wasn't just a Yahoo glitch that created "radio silence" in my email last night [damn you AT&T, after I brag about your reliability to people, that you go and dick around with my email!], I'm sort of amazed at how certain discussions will *always* take place in *every* fandom. Now, it's true that when you get more than one person in a room, you're going to have numerous opinions, but it's just weird to see the *same* arguments, almost verbatim, from one list to another, and made by people who, I believe, have never, ever met in their online lives. I've stayed out of it because, on one list, I didn't get the posts until most of the shouting was over (i.e., this morning), and on another, I just don't care enough. In that fandom, I want to read and write fic, because it's fun and because the boys are sweet and pretty and have a tragic break in their relationship that means they'll never, ever be even friends again in canon, let alone lovers, as they should be. I have no desire to rehash the old arguments about canon and characterization. I'm not that emotionally invested in it, and I'm fairly jaded in that I don't think most people who don't agree with me on these points will have their minds changed. I also think these arguments tend to polarize lists, harden people's opinions, and make newbies feel coerced into "joining" one side or another. At least, that's how it always seemed in newsgroups, where discussing a show could get just as heated and personal as discussing a text created by a fan. Though I suppose a lot of what I perceive as thin-skinned-ness on the part of fanfic writers is because the criticism is directed at their creation, rather than at Joss Whedon's or Aaron Sorkin's or Tom Fontana's etc. It's always much easier to bear criitcism of other people's "children" than it is to hear it about one's own, no? But yes, it comes down, once again, to what the writer "owes" the audience, and, in a larger sense what the fans (I'm giving up on "fen," if only because every time I see it I think stinky marshlands instead of, you know, fans of a show, which is what I'm talking about here) owe the fandom. In brief, because my boss is home sick and he keeps calling me and interrupting my train of thought, I think the fanfic writer owes her audience two things: 1. her best efforts at a legible, readable story - i.e., one that is proofread and beta'd, with grammar and spelling errors checked and caught (whenever possible. I understand typos make it through. God knows, I'm always finding one or two after I post, much to my own consternation. But at least I *try* to catch the most egregious ones), one that has the smartquotes and other funky formatting turned off, so one doesn't receive pages of gobbledygook in one's email, and one that has freaking blank space between paragraphs. I do most of my fic reading *onscreen*, and having to muddle through something that looks like one huge long block of text - well, it's not going to happen. I value my eyesight rather more than your creative efforts. 2. a story that contains characters recognizable as the characters seen onscreen every week/in the movie/in the book, not constructs of the author's imagination with familiar names slapped on, because the author thought this would be a cool story, and wanted to twist her favorite characters to fit it. I read fic about Clark and Lex because I like Clark and Lex. I don't want to see some vague simulacra of these characters, where all the people in the fic have in common with the ones on the television are their names and physical appearance. 3. Common courtesy, but I think everyone owes everyone else that, and sadly, it's falling by the wayside, both in real, fleshy life as well as in online life. Okay, I said two things, and I listed three, so consider me in Joss's camp of "I suck at math." In fact, last night I dreamt I was back in college and was I having fun? Nooo! I was in math class. ::shudder:: More thoughts later, probably. Must go pretend to work now. *g* ~victoria [current mood: amused, yet cynical] [current music: Backstreets - Bruce Springsteen] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. If you do not like or agree with the contents herein, or find them to be offensive on more than one occasion, please go elsewhere and don't come back. Management is not responsible for any adverse reactions to content within. The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme. The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney. This site is best viewed with IE4+ | 1024x768 | true color | verdana | tables