a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content achromatic unfinished fic graveyard recs journal new stuff recent stuff my back pages January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 the five Ws, or, all about me profile e-mail victoria my livejournal the original P&R comments current mood: "pathological and unbalanced" Items of Interest People LiveJournal folks Baraita bishclone claritylit Jintian Kat Allison Kit Mason metablog mix-tapes Neil Gaiman Nestra Sarah T. Seema Shrift Sundry Mourning zendom Music Walk On - U2 Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet Town Called Malice - The Jam One - U2 The Space Between - DMB Books Lord of the Rings Catch-22 The Neely Trilogy Absalom! Absalom! Possession: A Romance Foucault's Pendulum Dreamhouse LA Confidential I Capture the Castle Sandman Waking the Moon Shows Angel Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns) Alias West Wing The Simpsons webrings < ? fanfiction ! > < ? writers ! > diaryreviews.diaryland.com NYC Bloggers Comments by Haloscan.com all links, if I haven't screwed up somehow, should open in a new browser window

2002-03-05 - 9:40 p.m. Xanya, or, tonight's Buffy Ah, tonight's Buffy. All was not suckage. Again with the blue, so highlight if you want to read my thoughts on the ep... Oh -- also, at the end, spoilers for next week's preview. Big ones. The dreaded Xanya wedding. First off -- everyone's Uncle Rory stories just got Jossed. That man looked nothing like Bruce Campbell, and was in no way the fun guy fanon has made him out to be. Tony and Jessica Harris were... actually what I pictured them, only slightly less bad. I dug the cousin and Krelvin getting flirty, and Dawn with the kid with the horns -- teenagers are the same everywhere, human or demon. *g* Anyhow, the Harrises. I'm not usually sensitive, but did anyone else get the sense that they were supposed to be "ethnic" with the ethnicity stripped away? 'Cause they seemed very Jersey Italian to me. Except for the Episcopalian part. The Spike bits were handled well. I still would have liked to have seen Dawn nursing a crush for him and finding out about the Spuffy, but I guess that was too clichéd even for ME, who seem to be turning in a slightly more polished version of fanfic lately. I mean, "I'm Xander from the future"? And Xander believes him? His eyes weren't even the same color as Xander's! Not to mention his nose was wrong. Sheesh. They should have just put the aging makeup on NB or used his brother. That would have worked better. Anyhow, I felt terrible for Anya, but damn, all she needed to do was take a look at his parents to see what he was afraid of. I totally understand that. I have friends who are *very* marriage-shy because they come from homes like that, or from parents who divorced acrimoniously. Loved the Willow/Xander moment; makes me wish for reFlukage. But... am I the only one getting the feeling that there's B/X in the future? "You're one of the good ones. I hope I'm so lucky." Hmmm... And no, I'm in no way a B/X shipper, though occasionally I've read decent fic that makes it work. The bridesmaids' dresses were appropriately ugly. I didn't like Buffy's extensions. She's got a great haircut. Why put it up when it looks good down? Anya looked stunning in her dress. And the previews for next week look really, really good. That's always been one of my pet series ending scenarios - that it's all been inside her head, or the mold in the dusty old books in the SHS library has made her and Giles - or Willow - hallucinate all the slayer stuff. I hope it's written by someone decent. If it's a Marti ep, I won't get my hopes up. But maybe Giles will be back? Please? Joyce was there, anyway. I really hope it's as could as it could be. Please? ::big puppydog eyes:: And since I promised, I did look up the High Priestess - according to the little instruction booklet, she represents "secrets, mystery, the future as yet unrevealed; the woman who interests the Querent, if male; the Querent, if female; silence; tenacity; wisdom; silence. Reversed: Passion, moral or physical ardour, conceit, surface knowledge." Interesting... ~victoria [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-03-05 - 3:19 p.m. the worst of me In her LiveJournal, Alara Rogers asked: "What's your *least* favorite of all your stories?" That's always a fun topic, and of course, I had to answer. I'm one of the few fic writers arrogant (or stupid) enough not to cringe in horror at most of what I've written, but there are a couple stories I'd disown entirely, and a few I'd rewrite extensively if I had the energy. First off, Trust and Other Games We Play in BtVS - sort of co-written PWP, except I wrote most of the smut, and it's a five-way Buffy/Willow/Tara/Anya/Xander thing that should have never been posted anywhere, despite what Pete says. He's writing a sequel, and more power to him. Also, in Xander Steps Up, I knowingly Mary Sued, but there really is no excuse for it. And it's a crappy story. Thank god no one reads my Buffyfic. In X-Men Movieverse, I'd like to take back Crossing Canada, or at least rewrite whole chunks of it. It barely makes sense, it leaves any number of plot threads dangling, and it's just... it's an interesting idea that's been done better by others (Rogue chases Logan after he runs), and I should have left it alone. It began as an ABC story, except I couldn't fit the whole story into 26 sentences, so I wound up with about 6K words of ... something. The writing itself isn't bad, but the story doesn't hold together. Ties That Bind is another Mary Sue, though it worries me a little that I Mary Sued myself into Logan's long-lost daughter. Another genre that should never be written in, but I guess everyone takes their shot at that one. It was the second XMM fic I ever started, and it shows. It's very awkward and choppy in the writing, the characters are barely recognizable, and the OFC is... well, a Mary Sue. I tend to cringe and wonder "What was I *thinking*?" whenever I see this up on my website. That one deserved the minimal feedback it received. There are a couple of my fics I think are hilariously over the top, and worth the humor value of the smut, but I don't shudder when I think of them. Catching Up has some really bad moments [Scott/Jean/Rogue and dulce de leche ice cream comes to mind], but the ending more than makes up for it, in writing quality, even if you don't ship L/R as I do. And I will at some point rewrite the ending of Night Visits, so Logan's not so chatty. I already did that with Feel Me Don't You, and I much prefer the shorter, less talky ending. It's more Loganesque. In other news, having dinner with the 'rents tonight, since the kidlets will be over. They're babysitting (the parents are babysitting the kids, not vice versa, in case that wasn't clear *g*) today, and usually, the kids have been and gone by the time I get home, but they're staying for dinner tonight, so I'll get to see them. I miss them terribly. I'm so incredibly bored here at work right now. Waiting for an email back about a guarantee, and some language we want to add to it, and I've got supplies to order and shit to file, but <*whine*>I'm so booorrreeddd.<*/whine*> I want to write. I have the urge to write, even, sort of, which I haven't had in days -- weeks even -- but no clue *what* to write. I open my stories and nothing sparks. Grr... I need a vacation. With many fruity frozen drinks and poolboys. Yes. That's what I need. ~victoria [current mood: bored] [current music: Already Gone - The Eagles] PS: No, of course I'm not including links to stories I think are not of the good. Find 'em yourself if you want to read them. [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-03-05 - 11:20 a.m. moods and words I was feeling quite unhappy this morning, just completely disenchanted with everything. I don't know if it's PMS, a run of the mad reds or the gradual seeping knowledge that my life is going to be irrevocably changed in a little over ten days. Since I hate change, you can see why this might be a problem. I'm finding writing tiresome, which is new, and I'm beginning to find discussing writing tiresome, which is so new as to be competely foreign. All I want to do is pull the sheets over my head and sleep. Unfortunately, that's not an option. At least I've not had any panic attacks. For which I'm very grateful, because that's just an awful feeling, you know? So I'm pretty much disenchanted with everything that's not related to, say, the kidlets and close friends (and congratulations, Monica!), and the only thing that seems to put a smile on my face lately is music - and not new music, but just listening to old favorites like "American Girl" or "Son of a Preacher Man" or "If I Can't Change Your Mind." I'm at the point where I'll be breaking out the Cure and Smiths CDs for endless repeats, and you know that's bad. I mean, the only thing worse is when the Joy Division makes an appearance. Yet, I came into work, and logged on, and started my blog rounds, and found, in all the discussion of Big Name Fans (a term I'd never heard until Thamiris brought it up a couple weeks ago, which shows how out of the loop I really am on fandom things, or in Fandom things, I should say, because capitalizing the F means I'm discussing the One Fandom, or Fandom in general, rather than any fandoms in particular.) and what it means to be one, and who is one, and what a Diva is, and just... While I don't know the people they're talking about, since they're not in my fandom experience, and I don't necessarily agree with what they're saying, I love the idea that there are these external and internal labels for one's status in fandom, and that people are *discussing* what the words *mean*. Because, as writers, we all *should* be very aware of what the words we use mean, in all their various connotations. I mean, just look at these terms: clique Diva fluff criticism angst dark edgy whore (media or fandom) queen bitter newbie big-name fan So, anyone want to take a crack at telling me which are negatives and which are positives? Which are both? Who means what when they use them? Who takes offense because they read the negative connotation of a word instead of its neutral, denotative meaning? And these thoughts put a smile on my face. So, still disenchanted, but a little less so than before. And I *like* the word "disenchanted" which is why I keep using it. It fits my mood exactly. I'm not quite depressed, and not disgusted... Well, I used to be disgusted, but now I try to be amused. Since their wings have gotten rusted, all the angels wanna wear my red shoes. But when they told me 'bout their side of the bargain, that's when I knew that I could not refuse. And I won't get any older, now the angels wanna wear my red shoes. *g* Sorry. I do that in real life conversation, too. In response to Christine, who listed her favorite happy fics in her blog - yeah, stories that have happy endings after angst (which are my personal favorite, as long as the angst isn't so harsh that it pretty much precludes any happiness in the end, and there *are* stories that *can't* end happily, nor should they, if it's not true to the narrative) don't quite fit what I'm talking about. When I say light - which I'm beginning to prefer to "fluff," due to my new perception of "fluff" as a derogative term - I'm talking something like Sarah T's Incriminating Evidence, which is a great ChLex story that, while there's some underlying sadness (it is Smallville, after all, and knowledge of Lex's future can't help but inform most of the fic in the fandom), there's no *angst*. Yes, Chloe's nursing an unrequited crush on Clark, and Lex is in love with Clark and not prepared to act on it yet, but that's not what drives the story, though it may be an underlying motivation in each of their actions. Pure "fluff", which I also enjoy, and which *can* uncover character, is something like Thank Goodness for Small Mercies by Nacey. Just lots of fun and smut and -- fun. And there goes any claim I have to a decent vocabulary. You'll never believe me now. *g* Oh, and I also highly recommend Dance, Then, Wherever You May Be by Luna and Jess. A fabulous West Wing fic that captures the essence of the show at its best. Eh, work interrupts yet again. More later... ~victoria [current mood: slightly better] [current music: Bullet the Blue Sky - U2] smut [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-03-04 - 10:14 p.m. Intense! I guess I can do the spoiler thingy and blue out all the text about tonight's Angel. If you want to read my thoughts on what happened, you have to highlight the blank spot below where it looks like there's no text... Dear god, that Justine woman slit Wesley's throat! Have we heard whether he'll be okay? Anyone? Anyone? They never went back to him. And Holtz jumping into the Hell dimension with Connor -- what was *that* about? I love Lilah's, "Did you think you'd find a spark of decency?" Hee! She's Evil. Evil. Evil. I still miss Lindsey, but Lilah's fun. And, and, wasn't Cordelia having a vision about this, or was she too busy shagging Groo somewhere? Huh? Why was she completely absent for these two episodes? And why was Sarjean so angry with Angel and eager to kill Connor? In real life, we don't get the answers for why bad things happen. I expect more from fiction. I expect explanations. I need help! I need to know what's going to happen with Wesley, and *why* everyone else was doing what they were doing... Waah! victoria [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-03-04 - 1:50 p.m. trapped in the ladies' room So I give out these reports every month at work, right? I was told not to leave them in people's mailboxes, but hand-deliver them to each person or their assistant. So I give this one guy's to this woman who I'm told is his assistant, but she has two guys who have the same name [much as I do], and she gave it to the wrong one. Now, this isn't really worth a diary entry, except that the woman who called me, asking me if I'd delivered this guy's book, and the woman to whom I'd given it, both came into the ladies' room while I was in there, and started talking about it - and, by extension, me. So I'm in the stall and I don't want to walk out while they're still there, because, hey, who wants to be confronted by the person you were just talking about, even though they didn't say anything bad, just that I probably didn't realize there were two guys with the same name [which I knew]. But they didn't stop *talking*, so I was in there for quite a few minutes. I *hate* that. Grr... It was weird, but kind of funny. I almost wish they had said something interesting about me, but as far as they know, there isn't anything. Sigh. ~victoria [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-03-04 - 12:02 p.m. Numfar, do the Dance of Joy! Ooh, I forgot! Numfar, do the Dance of Joy! I finished Time's Fool last night. It's in the hands of the betas now, and I hope to post it sometime this week. Go me! ~victoria [current mood: ecstatic] [current music: Eight Days a Week - the Beatles] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-03-04 - 11:50 a.m. it's Aristotle's fault! So I've got some discussion going over in the LJ about the whole angst v. foof thing, and woohoo! I am not alone in finding this perception that fic that's not dark is considered lesser somehow. I have been asked to define my terms a little more concretely, which is a fair request. I'm working on it. *g* Because I'm sure that once I begin to say, "This is light" or "This is dark," I'll lose people, even the ones who agree with me. Because in some ways, that is just as subjective as "I liked this" or "I didn't like that." One person's "dark" is another person's walk in the park, eh? So, of course, it'll be somewhat subjective, because everything is subjective, when you get right down to it. Yes, I do think there are objective standards of quality for writing, as there are for all the arts - a modicum of competence in the fundamentals is required, at the very least. By which I mean, things are spelled correctly, tenses don't change in the middle of a paragraph, nor do we switch from first to third POV and back in the middle of a paragraph, etc., semblance of plot and movement within the plot (i.e., something *happens*), interesting and generally non-cliched use of language, proper punctuation, three-dimensional characters that are believable in their thoughts and actions, etc. With fanfic, I think there are certain other parameters that should be met, including adherence to canon characterization prior to extrapolation (i.e., showing the characters *as we know them* before showing them doing something completely out there, and giving good solid - story based - motivations for said actions), knowledge of the canonical 'verse, even if you're going AU. I'm sure there are people who disagree with even this small list of qualifications, but it's my diary, so nyah. ;p~ Yeah, I'm mature. Anyhow, defining dark and light... hmm... There are some subjects that are inherently dark - rape, incest/abuse, miscarriage, insanity, imprisonment/torture, serial killing, war, betrayal, drug addiction, life on the street, etc. Not that humor can't appear in these types of stories - and in fact, many a successful black comedy has been made about a number of them, and, in my opinion, a story with flashes of humor even in the darkest of times is far more enjoyable than one without. As a personal thing, I tend not to like unrelenting darkness - I think it's more realistic that a bit of gallows humor rears its head. But generally speaking, in terms of setting broad parameters, I think most people would agree that this stuff is "mature" in theme. It is these types of scenarios that will typically propel an "angsty" or "dark" fic. Angst is the fic word we use, and I think it's overused. Pathos is a better word for it (according to Merriam-Webster online): Main Entry: pa·thos Pronunciation: 'pA-"thäs, -"thos, -"thOs also 'pa- Function: noun Etymology: Greek, suffering, experience, emotion, from paschein (aorist pathein) to experience, suffer; perhaps akin to Lithuanian kesti to suffer Date: 1591 1 : an element in experience or in artistic representation evoking pity or compassion 2 : an emotion of sympathetic pity And, in looking at this definition, I'm now wondering if this divide in the perception of quality is Aristotle's fault. *g* The Aristotelian definition of tragedy (again from M-W.com, though here's a link to the Poetics of Aristotle): a serious drama typically describing a conflict between the protagonist and a superior force (as destiny) and having a sorrowful or disastrous conclusion that excites pity or terror Whereas Comedy is, even then, less reputable (lifted directly from Poetics): Comedy is, as we have said, an imitation of characters of a lower type- not, however, in the full sense of the word bad, the ludicrous being merely a subdivision of the ugly. It consists in some defect or ugliness which is not painful or destructive. To take an obvious example, the comic mask is ugly and distorted, but does not imply pain. Good comedy will turn tragedy on its ear -- comedy has the light of belief behind it, that the hero will triumph over adversity, even in the darkest situations. Tragedy tends to end with the hero succumbing to fate. I wonder if it's this deep philosophical difference that somehow informs our choices of what to write, and how - or better yet, *where* to end the stories we write. So far, still no definition of terms, beyond the most superficial quality of subject matter. Tone also determines whether something should be qualified as dark or not. Light stories will typically end on a happy note, possibly with a wedding or a birth or a declaration of love, or some hot monkey-loving. In trying to come up with valid definitions, I'm obviously foundering, as you can tell by the length of this entry. I'm tempted to fall back on giving examples of each type, but I don't think that would help much, simply because I'm not terribly well-read in many fandoms, and that would limit the scope of stories to choose from. However, I'm going to do it anyway. The epitome of good dark fic is something like Save the Last Dance for Me by darkstar, which is one of the most heart-wrenching stories I've ever read, and yet it's so beautifully written and the ending is so *perfect*, that it stays with you a long, long time. A great "light" fic, or a fic that isn't full of angst but isn't an out and out comedy? I'm going to take the easy way out and say my own The Best-Laid Plans, which has humor, a smidge of romantic/existential angst, and also shows the characters as they change and grow. At least, I think it does. *g* I realize that if you haven't read these, they don't help with the definitions, so I'll get back to you on that, or wait for someone else to define terms for me, because I've spent all morning writing this, and it's starting to get on my nerves. ~victoria [current mood: thoughtful] [current music: Roxanne - the Police] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-03-03 - 11:44 p.m. 'my head got lost along the way' Also on the Buffy tip - found this quote in Sarah T's blog: "Buffy, which I think of more as a soap, sort of lends itself to the box (traditional TV shape) more than Angel, which is sort of an epic story." --Joss Whedon in the Toronto Star Thanks, Joss. It's been a fun ride while it's lasted. Too bad you no longer have respect for the once-fabulous show you created. I'm thinking television shows should no longer be allowed to go beyond five seasons. They get their hundred episodes, they get syndication, and then they drive off into the sunset still at the top (or near the top) of their creative powers. On a different note, could LiveJournal *be* more annoying? Christ, more half the time I can't get to my own journal or to my friends page to see what others have written. I really hope the service is better for those who pay for it. victoria [current mood: disillusioned] [current music: Gave Up - NIN] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-03-03 - 6:51 p.m. the worst of Buffy... Tried to post this comment in Melymbrosia's journal, but LJ is "undergoing maintenance", so I couldn't. But I didn't want to forget, so I'm putting it here, and then I can link back later on. Mely wrote: Someone is going to have to explain to me why "Bad Eggs" and "Killed by Death" are universally despised, because I just don't get it. I'm very fond of them both. and then, later on, in a response to someone's comment: I've gotta say I'm with the majority on "Inca Mummy Girl," though. Bores me to tears. I have a fondness for most of those episodes, I'll admit. IMG was good Xander stuff, including, "I'm from the country of Leone. It's Montana pretending to be Italy." about his costume. From the first three seasons, my bottom five list doesn't mesh with anyone's because it includes both Ted [I have John Ritter issues] and The Wish. I have to say the worst episodes from S4-6 are far worse than the ones from the early days, simply because while the first season was cheesy, and S2 had some clunky eps, you could still see the joy the writers took in the show, and in the character of Buffy. I understand the slide into darkness. That's not why I feel the show has gone downhill. I think the writers take the darkness too seriously now, and are afraid to leaven it with the humor that made the show work earlier, and also, they've shown no facility to handle the dual-level structure that used to so delight me about the show - wherein the A plot and the B plot somehow tied together thematically, and the monster was a metaphor for some real world fear. The issues I have are with the *writing*, and since Joss has stepped back from day-to-day handling of the show, I don't think it'll ever regain what it's lost. I do think As You Were was a step in the right direction on a number of fronts, but... I'm not confident. Obviously, mileage varies. ~victoria [current music: In the Line of Fire on TNT] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 2002-03-03 - 3:31 p.m. angst v. foof, round 1 I had to write something, just to get that damned pretentious essay off the top of the page. ::shudders:: Just watching the big name fans go at each other over in Thamiris's journal, and enjoying my status as a peon. Because how much of it really is that disconnect between how we see ourselves and how others see us (which I've discussed repeatedly), and how much of it is disingenuousness? The desire for validation? In other news, in the same thread, I asked the invisible question, about fluff v. angst, and got an interesting answer, but I'm still not convinced. I mean, when you hear people talk about their favorite fics, I'd bet that 90% of the time, they're going to name something really dark and angsty - and the description will be like, "dark," "chilling," "disturbing," "angsty," "edgy," "so good it hurts," and "goddess of angst" "love the pain" etc. You mention something funny or that *doesn't* feature the characters being tortured in various psychological and physical ways, that's a simple tale of falling in love, and the misunderstandings that sometimes result, and you get "Oh yeah, I liked that. It was good...for fluff." And this attitude really, really grates on me. Because comedy is *hard*. I know that good, well-written pathos is hard. Dark fic isn't easy. But having tried my hand at both, I can honestly say trying to be funny is much harder. Especially over the course of a 20K word fic. And yet when people discuss the "goddesses" of any given fandom (and I can only speak for the fandoms in which I participate, but I'm willing to bet that this phenomenon occurs across the board, since I've seen light fic repeatedly dismissed on multi-fandom lists, as "just fluff" and not worthy of mention in the same breath as the all-mighty angst), it's because of their facility to bring the pain, not the laughs. All I'm looking for is an explanation as to *why* - beyond simple personal preference - this is so. Part of it is, yes, my own personal preference for light stuff, and also my penchant for writing it, and seeing my well-written, romantic comedy babies passed over in favor of someone else's less well-written yet highly angsty story. But it's more than that, because I know I'm not the only one this happens to. And yes, I know I'm generalizing, and that it's not this way for every single person in every single fandom. But help me out - let me know what you think. Why is angst considered more respectable than foof? If this *hasn't* been your experience, let me know that, too. Possibly, when things are less hectic around me, and I can be more articulate, I'll post more on the subject. In other news, Jean called me today to see if I wanted to go to the Knicks game. Since I have to clear some more stuff out in the parents' basement, I said no. Plus, the Knicks *suck*. If it were baseball or hockey, I wouldn't care, but I don't like basketball enough to sit through a game where the Knicks can't even be bothered to bring their A game. Nah, on this rainy Sunday, I'm contemplating how to end Time's Fool, and hoping I can do it soon. ~victoria [current mood: curious and slightly irritated] [current music: Mrs. Robinson - Simon & Garfunkel] [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. 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