a fool's musings

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Fool, said my muse to me,
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2002-03-12 - 11:20 p.m.

Saved By Zero

I'm sure you've all been waiting breathlessly for my breakdown of tonight's Buffy and Smallville eps.

I'm later than usual because someone sent me an email with a virus, and I freaked (as usual), disconnected for a bit, and am running Norton, which just makes everything slow down. (Confidential to JG: No worries. Glad you found it and hope you fix it)

SO if you get an email from me with an attachment, delete it. I will not be sending anyone anything with any attachments for a while. *g*

I'm going to try to be as oblique as possible, since I hate blueing stuff out- then I can't read it tomorrow at work in Nutscrape.

Stupid technology.

Anyhow, I was prepared to be disappointed in BtVS, prepared for it to be a big copout, especially since I love that whole scenario to bits, even if it is derivative of St. Elsewhere or Newhart.

I mean, if you're going to steal, steal from people who do it well, right?

So, I really liked seeing core Scoobs working together - no Anya, not even much Tara, minimal Spike (though I liked their scenes together a lot) and the Spike-Xander stuff was priceless.

And just in case Pete asks, No. I do not get Spike/Xander.

They hate each other on deep, deep levels. Deeper than Angel/Xander hatred, because Angel was trying to be good for more than just Buffy. Whereas Spike is only good so Buffy will like him.

Big difference.

I'm glad Manzo was back. He's been missed - he really should have been more of a presence since Joyce's illness last season, ME's patented father issues notwithstanding.

And that ending.

Whoo boy.

Loved that ending.

Unfortunately, I somehow doubt we'll be seeing any ramifications of this ever again, unless *maybe* the series finale deals with it.

Which could be heaps o' fun.

What does it mean for Angel, though, I wonder?

The only thing - someone went to see A Beautiful Mind a few too many times, eh? *g*

As for Slashville - it was good.

Though I kept humming "Saved by Zero" by the Fixx. *g*

And no Doogie Howser - Parker Lewis!

Heh.

How about that Martha-Clark conversation?

"I'm gonna stand by my man, Ma!"

At least, that's what it sounded like to me. *g* So very CLexy.

I liked the ending a lot - that Lex would do anything to protect his friends.

And that Chloe couldn't *quite* give up the story.

I'm sure that a lot of people are hating Chloe right now, but I liked it. It was *true* to her character, and you know it's going to come up again.

I also bet that a lot of people are disappointed in how vanilla the whole thing was. I mean, in the way that a murder in a nightclub can be vanilla. No kink. No drugs, apparently.

Just very *green* martinis. *g*

How much does Prick Daddy Luthor have to do with Metropolis United Charities, I wonder?

And could that be the root of Jonathan's big distrust of him and Lex?

And Martha, "I know Lex's world in Metropolis." Hee!

That works for the fic idea I had about the Nell/Jonathan/Lionel/Martha thing - no, not group sex, but a story set in the past, to explain some of Jonathan's animosity toward Lionel, Nell's cattiness about Martha, and why Martha had never met Lionel.

I have a sketch of it, I just haven't written it down.

I also figured out what the S&M demons are doing at Cruciato, and what Wolfram and Hart have to do with it, so maybe sometime this decade I'll get to finish that fic, as well.

Not to mention Consumption. There, too, I now know the general outlines of what's going to happen in the second half.

And how scary is it to me that I've got 80 pages (12pt type, .5" margins all around) and 40K words, and I'm just past the half way point?

AAAIIIEEE!

It's already the longest thing I've written, and I don't think even Off the Corner or Achin' to Be is anywhere near that many words. Harbor and Mutant Bride don't come near it either.

If it all goes well, Scott's in for a rough time, but I think it'll be the best thing I've ever done.

And thanks to the people who let me know about the L/R scan I was looking for.

Smoochies,

~victoria
[current mood: headachy but satisfied]
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2002-03-12 - 9:46 a.m.

don't be a hypocrite

I'm hoping someone out there can help me - I'm looking for a scan of the panel from UXM #175 where Logan plants a kiss on Rogue to heal her, after she takes the blast meant for Mariko.

Anyone?

E me if you've got it.

Thanks!

And on that note, another rant, this time, yes, about pairings.

But mostly, it's about hypocrisy.

When the X-Men movie came out, and people started writing and reading and *loving* the Wolverine/Rogue ship, there were all sorts of noises about how she was too young, and he could never see her in that light (this despite years of Wolverine/Jubilee shippage out there, and Jubes was 13 when she first appeared - I don't know. Was there a huge outcry against that, too?), even if she grew up, etc. etc. It was strictly a big brother/little sister relationship and anyone who thought differently was a sick, sick person who was encouraging stat rape at best and pedophilia at worst.

And no, I'm not exaggerating. There's a review of one of my stories - not even a Rogue/Logan-centric one - that mentions "peddling pedophilia."

Other people got it much worse than I.

Because god forbid a man who can only remember 15 years of his life should fall in love with a 17-year-old, or love her for the woman she becomes later on, depending on the story. I typically age her up, but if I don't, then that becomes a factor in the story. It's not ignored.

And just FYI - age of consent in NYS is 17. It's 14 in Canada.

Time passed, the L/R love kept going, everyone else started ignoring or making fun of us.

Life was good.

Then, last fall, Ultimate X-Men came out, with all the characters as teenagers, except for Logan.

And Logan and Jean were an item.

Why is it okay for Ult-X-Logan to fuck 19yo Ult-X-Jean, but not okay for Movieverse-Logan to fall in love with 17yo Movieverse Rogue? Who has him in her head? Who has Magneto in her head?

And yet, this is embraced, because for 30 years, Wolverine has pined for Jean Grey, like a pathetic schmuck, and this was finally a chance for them to be together in some sort of canonical relationship.

Why don't the same arguments that apply for L/R apply for Ult-L/J?

If you don't like a ship, you don't like it, but don't be a fucking hypocrite about it. Say, "I don't like it because XYZ," not some mealymouthed, "oh, she's only 17, it's wrong" bullshit and then turn around and enthuse about a similar relationship because it's a character you do like.

Just...

Don't be a hypocrite is all I'm saying.

I don't care what you like, but don't tell me that when *I* like something, it's wrong and turn around and say that when *you* like it, it's all right.

Whew.

I've had that on my chest a looong time.

I feel better now. *g*

Grr... someone screwed around with my radio on my desk last night, and I have to keep fiddling to get my station tuned in right.

~victoria
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2002-03-11 - 10:40 p.m.

Baby did a bad, bad thing

First off, thanks to Travis, who answered my question about the banners.

Updated The Muse's Fool tonight. That's my website, in case you didn't know. *g*

Added Time's Fool my latest Logan/Rogue romantic opus.

So, go me! Productive is good, right?

***

I love my tattoo.

Just thought I'd throw that out there.

***

In other news, I suck as a beta.

I mean, I'm a good beta reader. I think I'm a decent line editor, and I have a good ear for dialogue etc. so I can tell you if it sounds "in character" and realistic, etc.

But I just found something I'd said I'd beta read for someone back in December.

Needless to say, I feel like shit. I just sent her an email saying so.

And to the other people, for whom I'm supposed to be betaing - I know I'm behind. I'm even farther behind on those people I beta for regularly.

I've been a bad, bad beta. Lex and Logan should come and punish me.

Yeah, I think that'd work. *g*

Uh oh.

I thought I put something behind the "cut text" thingy in LJ, and it's not.

And I can't get onto the edit entries page to fix it because it "cannot find server."

Oy.

Stupid LJ.

Oh well, now the world knows about my PMS.

~victoria
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2002-03-11 - 3:45 p.m.

"let's talk things over in the ladies' room"

While discussing which fic snip to send in, and I told my gusys (sic) that I wanted to use the L/R shower scene in Catching Up, Jen asked me if I didn't have a similar scene that *didn't* take place in the shower.

And that got me thinking -- I have an awful lot of bathroom scenes in my fic. I mean, there are at least 4 where the climactic conversation between Logan and Rogue takes place in a bathroom - Best Laid Plans, Night Visits, Catching Up and Rogue's Clever Plan. Plus, there are scenes in bathrooms in Untouchable Face, Second Chances (okay, that's not L/R, nor is it climactic, but it's important to Rogue's realization of her feelings for Scott), they have a big argument in Gilded Cages on opposite sides of the bathroom door, plus quite a few times when Rogue cries all night in the shower, Logan's just out of the shower in Piece of My Heart, the unnamed male in Art of Breathing cries in the shower, Logan cries in the shower in No One Is to Blame, both Jean and Rogue break down in the shower in Consumption, and that's not even counting all the shower-sex scenes I've written...

Am I repeating myself? Or rather, I am repeating myself, but is there something more at work here?

Do other people find this happening in their work?

Are there some locations that just seem more... not appropriate, necessarily, maybe more fitting to certain types of revelations?

Has it something to do with being literally naked/exposed while exposing one's deeper emotions?

Especially in Rogue's case, where being naked can literally be deadly? For others, if not for herself, though I suppose it could be madness inducing, depending on how you write it...

Thamiris has been discussing theme and how consciously we weave it into our writing, and well, I may get to that in a later entry (and you can read my comments over there for now), but how about other settings/motifs that recur in our work?

I mean, yes, I write mostly about forgiveness, growing up, communication/miscommunication - all of these are about finding and revealing oneself as one truly is - naked before the lover.

So I guess it's no surprise (though believe me, when I started thinking about my stories [and god, have I written enough of them? It's a wonder people don't hate me - you don't, do you? ::bats eyelashes sweetly:: - I'm sickeningly prolific. No wonder Meg makes fun of my whining over writer's block. I was due for a slow down. *g*], I honestly was surprised) how often I'd gone back to the well, as it were, of having the big confrontation scene or another important emotional scene, in the bathroom.

Anyone else do this? Find yourself returning to the "scene of the crime" as it were, in more than one story?

In other news, I feel like crap. But Time's Fool has gotten some lovely FB. I will send you all my undying love and chocolate soon. I promise.

Now I think I shall attempt to do some work-related work. Sigh.

~victoria
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2002-03-11 - 10:49 a.m.

comparisons are odious

It's been pointed out to me that my earlier entry on the CMFFAs could be construed as sour grapes.

Well, sure, it could be, except that, you know, the winners haven't been announced yet, and I still have a slim chance at winning something.

(TAN: How come "slim chance" and "fat chance" mean the same thing?)

Do I think I will win?

No.

But my life's philosophy can be boiled down to, "Never expect anything and you'll never be disappointed" or, in other words, "Start out depressed and anything good is a pleasant surprise," so of course I don't think I'm going to win.

Even if I did, I wouldn't admit it publicly, because that would be tacky. Okay, only slightly tackier than admitting I think I'm going to lose publicly, but at least the latter can be seen as some strange form or humility.

Or possibly a cry for attention.

I accept that some people might be offended or alienated by the whole rant. If you are, please, contact me or sign the guestbook or something.

I will discuss it rationally and like a civilized person.

There is nothing I will not discuss, as long as the discourse is kept relatively friendly.

Just like there is no criticism I will not give some thought to, as long as it's offered with the intent to help.

I said, in the awards entry, that I wasn't going to go on about pairing, but let me say this - I will accept any crit offered on a story of mine, *except* when someone tries to preach at me about how I've chosen a "bad" or "wrong" pairing.

I don't tell people whose pairings I don't like not to write them. I just don't read 'em.

I can't explain why some pairs attract me (L/R) and some don't (B/A), when they seem very similar on the surface.

I can't imagine a healthy and functional Buffy/Angel relationship, though I'm sure a skilled writer might be able to make me believe it for the length of a story.

On the other hand, I obviously have no problem envisioning Logan and Rogue getting together at some point with little ill result, except some romantic angst on both sides.

Yes, I can see it going horribly and tragically wrong (see Very Sickness or Their Little Game), or just not working out (Jim Morrison's Dead, Girl of His Dreams), but for the most part, I think it *can* work, and it speaks to me on levels that Buffy/Angel never did.

I think because, and this goes back to an email conversation with Kate way back in August of 2000, right after the movie came out, that Logan/Rogue works while Buffy/Angel doesn't is that 1. we don't see the relationship play out. There are many people who don't see the relationship at all *g*, while B/A was miserably canonical and played out before our very eyes, 2. B/A had a lot of epic whining and moaning about "we can never be together/we must be together" ad infinitum, ad nauseum. The reason the scene Xander interrupts in "The Zeppo" is so hilarious is because it's only slightly over-the-top, compared to most B/A scenes. In comparison (and yes, comparisons are odious, which is another argument against awards. All for recognition, but awards, I'm still iffy about. Just in case you'd forgotten *g*), Logan and Rogue just accept - to some degree - that they're stuck with these burdens (no past/metal skeleton, lethal skin/strangers in her head) without *whinging* about it all the time.

At least, they do in the movie, and in the best fic they do, as well. I mean, yeah, Rogue indulges occasionally in bouts of self-pity, and we all send Logan off questing for his past, but he usually, at least in my world, comes to the conclusion that his past isn't as important as his future, and that looking back is no substitute for looking *forward* and *living*.

It must be very easy to just end up trapped in amber when you live almost forever, just doing the same things over and over again, and never moving forward, while the world passes you by. And that could so easily happen to Logan or Angel. It's the job of their loved ones to make sure they continue to connect to the world, so they can do some good. Since they're both archetypal heroes (or anti-heroes, depending), both are champions, warriors, *fighters*...

And I've gone off on a tangent again. *g* I do that a lot.

Back to pairings, and why one catches on with me and another doesn't...

Xander/Willow, on the other hand... it's only very recently that I gave up the X/W ship. And I don't know that I really have. The Fluke is still one of my top five BtVS moments. I still get a little teary when I watch it.

I was on board with Xander/Cordy, and while I had major problems with Xander/Anya (mainly the fact that he'd so easily date an ex-demon - it made him look like a huge hypocrite, which is the one thing I never thought Xander was, prior to season 4), I thought they could be sweet together.

I think Xander was very scared and waited way too long to make his decision in the wedding ep, but I *don't* think he deserves to be boiled in oil for it.

Yes, I wanted to hate him for what he did to Anya. Yes, I got a little choked up at her solo walk down the aisle.

But looking at Xander's parents, and knowing his character these past 5 1/2 years, how could he have made any *other* decision?

No, he's not his father, but he's so scared he will be. And he loves Anya so much that he can't bring himself to risk that happening to her.

He's both noble and damn stupid. He's Xander in the way he hasn't been much since S3.

It makes my heart hurt.

Anyhow, even now, with all the growing they've done, I cannot imagine a Buffy/Angel scenario that works. Their past is too volatile, she was always too ready to take advantage of him, and he to efface himself to her -- he goes and apologizes to her after she abuses him in "Sanctuary" -- that now that he's his own man and she's a fucked up mess, they couldn't make it work.

I can't even imagine an AU where their past doesn't exist and they meet in the narrative present and fall in love.

If you take away the B/A past, you take away much of the power of the show (no Innocence, no Passion, no Becoming) and Buffy isn't the character she is now. If she didn't have to sacrifice Angel in B2, possibly she'd have been able to sacrifice Dawn in "The Gift". Who knows?

Whereas I can obviously come up with an almost endless supply of ways to get Logan and Rogue together, both happily and not.

So I guess, after all this hot air, my point is this: some pairings work for some people, others work for other people. Don't judge the quality of someone's writing based on the pairing they choose to write.

I've read some good writing for pairings that squick me terribly (I'm thinking here of one quite good - very dark - Snape/Ginny fic, and also Jenn's L/J stuff).

I've got headache now. Waah!

~victoria
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2002-03-10 - 10:39 p.m.

Roger Moore on Alias

Finally convinced M&D to watch Alias tonight.

Who knew it'd be one big X-Files ep?

There's one major spoiler, that I've blued out. The rest, read at your own risk.

The Roger Moore stuff was fun. It's nice to see Sloane get a bit of his own medicine, but damn, what an *awful* way to live, never trusting anybody etc.

I don't know why he didn't have Marshall examine those photos. That was my first thought. begin spoiler: I mean, I knew Roger Moore was going to double-cross him, so I'd have said, "Yes, we're old friends, but I have to check this out and confirm it from an independent source."end spoiler

Oh well.

And how cute are Vaughn and Sydney together?

Breaking into the Vatican. Hee!

And Maggie Walsh as head of the X-Files, excuse me, the DSR. I guess the tv show X-Files doesn't exist in the Aliasverse. I kept expecting Syd to make a crack about it. But alas, no.

The thing that made me a true-blue BtVS fan was in "The Pack" when Buffy said, "I can't believe you of all people are Scullying me."

I mean, I loved WttH and The Harvest, but that line just did it for me, pop culture junkie that I am.

At least in this universe, Mulder would get some respect, eh?

It was good to see the Evol Bitch Monster of Death back, but good lord, Lindsay Crouse should not have that fake long hair. Egads, it looked like she had tentacles or something.

So afterwards, I had to explain it all to Daddy, which is always fun. Reminds me of when he used to call me every week after X-Files to figure out what had happened.

He's taping that 9/11 show that was on CBS. None of us were particularly interested in watching it, but maybe later on, it will be good to see.

I mean, we lived it. I don't need to see it again, not for a very long time.

I'm sure Daddy doesn't particularly want to see it either, though I don't know, it could hold some morbid fascination.

Oh well, sleepy now. Will answer some email, panic a little about feedback for Time's Fool. Hope there is some waiting in my email. *g*

~victoria



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2002-03-10 - 5:48 p.m.

Posting anxiety meltdown

Okies, just posted Time's Fool and now it's time for the inevitable posting anxiety.

I'm dreading reading it in my own inbox and finding the missed typos.

I'm nervous 'cause it's the first long fic I've post in *ages*. I can't remember the last thing I wrote that was more than 7K words, and this is 16K.

Which means people need some time to read it.

If they're reading it.

Gah.

I need to turn the computer off and walk away, so I can be surprised later if there's feedback.

Please let there be feedback...

::whimper::

~victoria

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2002-03-10 - 3:25 p.m.

A Vic's-Eye View of the CMFFAs

Sill no answer on how the banners thing works. I guess I'll be emailing the help at d'land. Which I guess means that guy Andrew, eh?

On the fic snip front, I went with the ending of Jim Morrison's Dead, which I think is one of my best stories.

I'm going to rant now. Be warned. Turn back now if you don't want to hear it.

I was skimming through the site devoted to prior years' CBFFAs at CFAN, and I came across the very snarky awards segment for last year's Hall of Fame or whatever, and it was a huge rag on Logan/Rogue.

Now, yes, there are some truly awful Logan/Rogue writers out there.

But it's Sturgeon's Law that 90% of anything is shit, so I'm not surprised. I just hope that I usually manage to rise above that 90%.

So yeah, it's funny and all, and I have no problem with the mockery on the surface. I really don't. Because it was pretty dead on.

What I do have a problem with is the apparent ghettoization of movieverse (and, it seems, Ultimate-verse) fic writers by fans of the core comics.

Get over it already, 'kay?

There was a movie. It was a pretty damn good movie. It converted a lot of people into fans of the X-Men, in their *movie* incarnation.

Why this is so hard for some people to fathom baffles me. You can handle Age of Apocalypse and the Savage Land and the Siege Perilous and the 95 deaths and resurrections of the Summers Family, but you can't handle that the movieverse is a separate subset of the X-Men multiverse?

I'm not even going to get into the shipper business, because you either like a 'ship or you don't.

It's a matter of connecting on a visceral level.

Some people never ship. Some people *only* ship.

You know what?

Who the fuck cares?

Is the fic good?

That's the bottom line.

Yeah, there's stuff I won't read, based on pairing, but there's an awful lot more stuff I won't read based on quality.

And honestly, why should I, or anyone else, read something I'm not interested in?

It doesn't make me less than you, it just makes me less cranky.

So in regard to this year's awards, I think I can handicap things pretty well. I know I'm not winning anything.

The way I look at it is this - and I mean no offense to any of the other writers nominated - this has nothing to do with them as people. I'm friends with a couple of 'em and respect the hell out of the others, even the ones I don't know, but here's the Vic's-Eye View of how it's going to break down, in the categories in which I'm nominated:

Best Adult/Mature CMFFA

Climb The Wind, by Minisinoo Girl

Jus Ad Bellum, by Jenn

Agony And Ecstasy, by Diebin

The Very Sickness Of My Heart, by Victoria P.

She Walks In Beauty, by Libby Edwards

Okay, I'm out, right away - no one who doean't read at least some L/R fic will know who I am. I'd give Die a better shot, since she's the high priestess of Wolverine/Rogue, but that could also work against her.

I don't know Libby Edwards well enough to know how she ranks among the general fandom, but Logan/Storm is fairly popular, and it's a long fic.

See, that's the thing here. Climb the Wind and Jus Ad Bellum are novels. She Walks In Beauty is also pretty damn long.

So Die and I, we're out there. Jus isn't finished, and features Logan/Rogue, so even though it's a fabulous work, and I know Jenn has a strong fanbase, I'm going to count it out as well, based on the unfinished nature and the fact that it's Logan/Rogue-centric.

That leaves the L/O and the Scott fic.

I know Min is well-known in comics circles as well, so yeah, Climb the Wind is going to win.

Best Serious CMFFA

Jus Ad Bellum, by Jenn

Living In Stereotypes, by Diebin

Climb The Wind, by Minisinoo

The Very Sickness Of My Heart, by Victoria P.

Again, same caveats against Jus, Die and me, so again, Climb the Wind comes out the winner.

I won't even go into how I think it's ridiculous that Very Sickness or Living in Stereotypes are in the same category as two novel-length fics. There's no way you can compare them, in my opinion. It's just not a fair competition; it's like putting The Lottery up against Absalom! Absalom!

So of course I voted for myself.

Someone had to, you know? I didn't like the idea that no one would nominate me, so I nominated myself. I didn't like the idea that no one would vote for me, so of course I voted for myself. If I won by one vote (pardon my snort of disbelief), I wouldn't care, because even if I don't actually believe Very Sickness is better than Jus Ad Bellum, I don't think it's any worse. It's just different.

::waits for mutterings about ethics and voting and crap like that::

I mean, I'm seriously ambivalent about the whole awards for art thing anyway - and that goes for Oscars/Grammies/Emmies as well as any fanfic awards.

I mean, yeah, I love watching to see who wore what, etc., but how can you compare a movie like Lord of the Rings with a movie like In the Bedroom?

Yes, they both meet a high standard of quality, but once you realize that the acting is really good and nobody makes any serious technical gaffes, it becomes a matter of taste, no?

I mean, even though I loved Gosford Park and thought that Russell Crowe was amazing in A Beautiful Mind, I'd vote for LotR for best picture, because it so perfectly captured the look and feel of the book and made the story manageable and accessible for those who *haven't* read the books.

So even though I loved Jus (and am waiting for the ending. Jenn, come back to us!), thought Climb the Wind was exceptionally powerful, and thought Living in Stereotype was a good examination of date rape and its effects on a woman, I voted for Very Sickness, which is about Rogue's descent into madness. Honestly, do I think it's the *best* of the four stories? I dunno. I think it's some of *my* best work.

Okay, next and last category (and the one for which I did NOT nominate myself, just so you know. I have an ego, but it's not *that* big. *g*)

Writer Hall of Fame CMFFA

Minisinoo Girl

Mo

Victoria P

Libby Edwards

Diebin

Dyce

Now, first off, nothing against Min, but how can she be up for both Best New Writer and Writer Hall of Fame?

That just doesn't make any *sense*.

Again, we'll pull me out, since I'm a niche writer, and Mo writes slash, so I'm betting she doesn't make it. I don't know Libby Edwards' work, but Diebin, again, is a high priestess of movieverse, one of the first and the best - how could she *not* be in the Movieverse writers hall of fame?

Dyce is already in the comics hall of fame, so she's a known quantity to most of the people voting, so I'd say she's a shoo-in, as is Minisinoo.

So there are your three.

Let's look it over one more time, and we realize, Vic goes 0 for 3 in the big awards.

Now, I'm on record as being highly ambivalent about the whole process, and you can call me a hypocrite for not withdrawing, but I'm competitive enough to want to win if I enter, and I wanted to see if my predictions would turn out to be true.

You'll notice, however, I'm not stupid or self-destructive enough to have posted this thing before voting closed, eh? *g*

Anyhow, like I said, nothing against the writers, or even the organizers of the awards.

Just my view on the whole thing, and how it's going to shake out.

I could be wrong.

~victoria
[current mood: strident]
[current music: Mets-Cards on television]

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~*~

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The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme.

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