a fool's musings

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Fool, said my muse to me,
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    Music
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2002-03-21 - 12:38 a.m.

quick pimping

Just wanted to let those of you who are interested know that I've uploaded the latest story in the Unspoken Round Robin - One Hundred Dollars - to The Muse's Fool.

This is story number 57! in this amazing AU saga. I think we're slowly moving toward a resolution.

I have to say, even though I'm one of the many authors involved, it's amazing to me how the tone and characterization has been kept fairly even across all 57 stories.

And while it might ramble a bit in places (RRs are notoriously shambolic), I do think we've managed to keep somewhat on track.

So if you're in the mood for a novel-length mutant soap opera, have we got a story for you. *g*



[current mood: ]
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~*~

2002-03-20 - 11:43 p.m.

Ranking Buffy eps

Jessica Walker has ranked all the episodes of BtVS.

While I disagree with her on many, many of her choices (I'm not a Spike-a-holic, nor a B/A shipper, but I don't think anything has topped the Angelus arc), and I liked the first season way more than she did, I guess.

Here's my random listing of my favorite BtVS eps, followed by my least favorite.

The Best

1. Passion
It doesn't get any better than this. So painful. I don't even mind the somewhat cheesy voiceover. And the scene where Buffy and Willow get the news, as Angelus watches... Ow...

2. Becoming [1&2, because I prefer not to separate them]
Because I still choke up when I hear "Full of Grace." Because I still gasp when Buffy catches that sword and says, "Me."

3. Prophecy Girl/When She Was Bad
These two also go together for me. The "I'm 16. I don't want to die. I quit." speech makes the season, and sets up everything that is to come. WSWB makes it up this high because even though Joss et al. dropped the ball on Buffy's PTSD, we get some lovely X/W moments, and my favorite Xander moment of all time, "If they hurt Willow, I'll kill you." And "Whatever is causing the Joan Collins 'tude, deal with it. Embrace the pain, spank your inner moppet, whatever, but get over it. 'Cause pretty soon you're not even gonna have the loser friends you've got now." I love Cordelia. Plus, Buffy and the sledgehammer. You can feel her pain.

4. Innocence
Every girl's nightmare - the morning after from hell. You can see Buffy go from relatively carefree teen (even with slaying), to older, more careworn and broken young adult. The ending, with Joyce on the couch, heartbreaking. "Just let it burn." Plus, Willow and Xander confrontation over Cordelia. Jenny saving Willow from Angelus. Ah, those were the days...

5. Graduation Day 1&2
The true ending of season 3 - the Buffy-Faith confrontation, the red leather pants of moral ambiguity, "You missed." "No, I didn't." Part 2 is lesser to me, but oh so good, with Angel and Xander bickering like an old married couple, Oz and Willow panicking, Cordelia wielding a stake like a Slayer and Larry! "He's going to read the whole speech? Evil."

6. Halloween
Soldier!Xander. Willow saving the day. Oz in the van. "Who's that girl?"

7. This Year's Girl/Who Are You?
That dream. Faith. Oh god, yes. and really, I must include the conclusion - Five by Five and Sanctuary, though those are Angel eps. Wowie zowie.

8. Revelations
The intervention. The X/W smoochies. The last scene with Buffy and her Jackie O purse, losing Faith's trust. Giles dressing down Buffy in his office... Gwen Post. Yeah.

9. Welcome to the Hellmouth/The Harvest
How it all began. Even with Angel's faulty fashion sense, how can you not love this episode, that sets everything in motion?

10. Homecoming
I know, I know, but The Fluke! Xander in a tux! Slayerfest!

11. Fear, Itself
Xander in a tux! Giles with a chainsaw! Anya in a bunny suit! The whole of season 4's themes laid out in one nifty package. Too bad they got sidetracked by the stupid Initiative arc.

12. Lovers Walk
Plotholes galore, but Spike's speech makes up for it.

13. The Prom
It's all about the umbrella. The show in a nutshell - Buffy putting her personal life aside to save the day.

14. Lie to Me
As the years pass, I like this ep more and more - the send up of Anne Rice's vamps, Chanterelle (and her recurrences and growth later on), and best of all, Giles' speech to Buffy. Why'd he leave again?

15. Bewitched, Bothered and Bewildered
Xander! Xander! And yet more Xander. Can you tell I love Xander?

I realize that these are heavy on Season 2 eps, even though I loved season 3 as well... I guess I just have better memories of these eps.

The Worst

All the Initiative-focused ones. They blur together. I try to forget them, and have mostly been successful.

Beauty and the Beasts
Blech. Men are bad. Except when they come rescue you.

Ted
John Ritter. 'Nuff said. Yeah, I know we get to watch him die twice, but still...

The Wish
Yeah, Cordelia's a big idiot. I believe that. Not. Vamp-Willow was great, but Vamp-Xander was in no way what a real Vamp-Xander would be like. Too laidback, not angry enough. Vamp-Xander should have been feral and violent, not all cool and laissez-faire.

Where the Wild Things Are
Not even heroic!Xander and guitar playing Giles can make up for this rank B/R sex-a-thon.

Bad Eggs
Oh joy. I realize why it had to be where it was, right before Surprise/Innocence, but ::shudder:: B/A ickiness.

The Weight of the World
I'd forgotten this one, and well, it's probably best that way.

Into the Woods
Grr... Marti should be spanked, and not in the fun way.

Every episode of BtVS has something I enjoyed - otherwise, I wouldn't keep watching, but I know I'm not as enthralled as I once was. The show, for me, lost *a lot* when it moved from high school to college. It was as if Joss et al. didn't know what to do with them. And the shift in focus from the core Scoobs to the Many Loves of Buffy Summers was... lame.

Have there been good S5 and S6 eps? For sure.

Just... except for possibly The Body, Bargaining, Once More, With Feeling, and Normal Again, none of them have had the same emotional impact for me.

Eh, this was a fun exercise, taking me back to my atbvs days. *g*

~victoria
[current mood: nostalgic]
[current music: Hey Jack Keruoac - 10,000 Maniacs]



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~*~

2002-03-20 - 3:10 p.m.

Sexy Lexy, and other thoughts

Could it *be* any colder in here?

Jesus, my fingers are like icicles.

Home sick today.

Stupid GI tract.

Interesting things:

New article up at Easter Egg Vinegar in Your Eye about Marketing Your Fanfic. If you took that survey a few weeks ago, this article is where you can read the results.

Also, in the "hey, all actors aren't complete narcissistic bastards" category, here's a story about Brad Whitford's date at the SAG awards.

For those of you who don't know who he is, he plays the yummy Josh Lyman on The West Wing and is married to Jane Kaczmarek of Malcolm in the Middle.

I heart me some Josh, and BW seems pretty cool, too.

On to fangirly things.

I had a Lex dream last night.

A Lex sex dream.

Go me!

It was all very fraught with UST. I don't know who I was supposed to be, but I was a friend of Clark's, or maybe Chloe's? And Clark was nattering on and on about learning ASL, and Lex was arranging this for him, and then Lex and I were thisclose, and I was whispering in his ear, "If he gets hurt, you're in trouble."

And then - woohoo! - getting naughty with Lex. Up against the back wall of a classroom.

Sigh.

It's sad when your dreams are more interesting than your waking life.

***

This was a discussion that happened a couple of weeks ago, in Rache's LJ about praise and gendered responses to it. I kept meaning to answer the responses to my comments, and as with most things I intend to do, got sidetracked and didn't get to it.

But I think there are many salient points in the discussion (not the least of which are the ones I made and am quoting here):

Women, for *ages*, were taught never to talk about themselves, never to be "proud" of anything they did (except possibly keep a good house, and even that was more their duty than something that they should be complimented on) and most of all, to be demure and modest.

Even with the past 30-40 years of trying to change this, it's highly entrenched in Western society, that women should be modest and with eyes downcast and a rosy blush staining our cheeks when complimented, with a murmured, "This old thing?"

Having been made aware of my own tendency to dismiss compliments (even while secretly believing both that I do and don't deserve them), I tend to say thanks, and that's it. In responding to feedback, I am often amazed that other people make such a connection with something I've created, so my "I'm so glad you liked it," which seems so trite to me, is completely and utterly sincere.

I try never to do that 'Really? I thought it sucked' thing unless I'm talking to a beta or a close friend.

As for tying it into BNF status and cliques and other such tripe, well, I think women have traditionally built their own power structures based on just such things. To show that my adolescence spent reading Regency Romances wasn't a *total* waste of brain space, look at how the women of the aristocracy ruled their society in the Regency Era.

A woman had to conform to certain strictures of behavior or she was beyond the pale and unmarriageable.

And these women in the ruling clique could make or break reputations with a word.

I think there is an underlying fear that a hierarchy of Big Name Fans (not divas, if I'm distinguishing properly between the positive and negative aspects of the phenomenon - divas are self-proclaimed BNFs, who no one takes seriously, yes?) will do this in their fandom.

For example, BNF X praises a new writer in the fandom (who she may know from elsewhere), who gets taken up by the "cool kids". BNF X dislikes new writer2, and says so, and on a particular list or wherever, that writer's work is ignored, or worse, openly denigrated.

Much like anything else, this is all based on perception, but the majority of people are sheep, and will follow a charismatic personality because it's easier than standing alone and making their own decisions. If you get a personality who gets off on being the BNF, and who starts playing power games, then you're in trouble.

Does this happen?

I dunno. My experience in fandom isn't that wide.

Rache responded (in part):
[me]
A woman had to conform to certain strictures of behavior or she was beyond the pale and unmarriageable.

[Rache]
Which in fandom seems to translate as 'She's an egoist who believes her own press.'

The reason I'm bringing this up now, aside from vestiges of guilt for not responding in a timely manner to an interesting discussion, and being unsure of LJ netiquette about reviving a topic from 2 weeks ago, is that on zendom we were discussing whether or not we like our stories, and whether we'd feedback them if they were written by someone else, and stuff like that.

And in reading the discussion, I find, once again, that I'm one of a few who thinks I am a good writer (okay, I realize this is going to be confusing. There may be other people out there who think I am a good writer. That is not the few to which I'm referring. I mean, I'm one of the few fic writers who thinks of herself as a good writer. Or who is confident enough to call herself a good writer in public? Or possibly who likes her own stories enough to wish she could rec them and that it wouldn't be in bad taste to do so? More on this last in a bit).

In her blog, Lori talks about this very thing.

She says, . I do write well. I risk looking arrogant in saying so, but it's a peculiar kind of paradox that we inflict on ourselves when we hear a writer say that and immediately think 'pompous', yet a writer who continually denigrates hir own ability is considered 'humble.' Say 'realistic and self-aware' when you think of me, because I don't think I'm great, or that I've 'made it,' or that I'll ever be perfect in this lifetime. I just know that I have improved 400% and that it's taken me a lot of work to do that, and while not everyone will appreciate what I write, there will be a number of people who enjoy it. [...] I know that I write well. It doesn't keep me from seeing flaws in my work, and it doesn't mean I'll be satisfied, but it will keep me from editing obsessively.

I agree with this. I know my own flaws, but for the most part, I also know I've produced some excellent fic.

So I really try not to play the whole, "I suck, love me" game with anyone *but* my betas (and a few close friends), who know it when they hear it and smack me when it becomes tiresome.

But I think it *is* a salient point that women will do this - belittle their own accomplishments - and that that enculturation needs to be kept in the back of your mind whenever you might get annoyed, as I sometimes do, by the frequent hand-wringing and "I suck" stuff you hear if you hang around fandom long enough.

The reccing yourself thing comes in here, too.

I don't know why I think it's tacky, except that it's possible that I'm reflecting that American - or possibly female? - attitude that you let your work speak for itself and it's in poor taste to put yourself forward and say, "ME! Read me! I really am *that good*! (at least for this one story. *g*)"

And, as I may have mentioned before, I've got this dichotomy going where I feel like I'm really good and totally underappreciated, and on the other hand, I think I'm obviously not good enough and therefore don't *deserve* to be appreciated with other, greater talents.

It's funny, but it's true (as my guiding light in all things, Homer Simpson, might say), that I do get annoyed when I see a writer pimping herself (and hey, does this tie in with the "whoring" discussion from yesterday? She's not whoring herself, well, not unless she's pandering to the audience and not writing what she wants to, but she's pimping - she's the one in charge, and the fic is in the position of the whore... hmm... linguistically, I'm finding this whole lexicon we use to discuss fannish endeavors quite intriguing) ad nauseum.

I mean, it's like, we know, you're good, shut up.

But why *shouldn't* we trumpet our achievements?

Is stoicism and that "Aw, shucks, ma'am, 'tweren't nothin'" attitude really the way to go?

Or are we selling ourselves short?

On Unfit, you know we do the In Their Own Words feature (which was updated on Sunday, in case you didn't know. Go. Read.), where basically, we ask authors to do just that - talk about their own best or favorite work. (And there's another topic I have something to say on - best v. favorite. But this is already way too long and is taking me forever to write. And you wonder why my fic production has slowed, eh?)

And you see I have no problem pimping the sites, or my diary/LJ, but when someone asks, "What X-Men or Smallville fic should I read?" I feel funny recommending myself, even though, dammit, I think Caveat Emptor is one of the best stories Smallville fandom has yet produced.

So, ::deep breath:: I'm going to rec a few of my stories here.

I think they're really good and you should read them.

In Smallville:
Caveat Emptor and From the Outside In

In X-Men (sort of alphabetically):
The Best-Laid Plans
32 Flavors
The Envious Moon
The Space Between
Gilded Cages, Broken Wings
A Harbor in the Tempest
Jim Morrison's Dead
Kindness Falls Like Rain
Learning to Accept
The Nature of Everything
Piece of My Heart
Root Beer Reverie
The Soiled Dove
The Very Sickness of My Heart
A Thousand Words
and the series All of Heaven Away and Off the Corner.

Yes, that's a huge list, but come on, I've written *a lot* of fic, and I think most of it is good, at least, so *of course* I'm going to have a laundry list of my own stories that I think deserve reading.

Since I've been working on this entry for the past hour (while reading email etc.), I'll stop now, but damn, that felt good. *g*

If you have comments, feel free to share.

~victoria
[current mood: cocky... and hungry]
[current music: What a Good Boy (Live) - BNL]

[current mood: ]
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[random quote: ]

~*~

2002-03-19 - 11:10 p.m.

Feed Me, Seymour!

The real world is going to intrude here for a moment before I enthuse about Nicodemus and the fact that Pete actually got a plot (and wow! two black people on screen *at the same time*! Go Slashville!)...

Been watching the news and reading about the child abuse cases in the Catholic Church, and could Cardinal Egan be any less comforting or concerned for his flock?

I mean, you don't protect the priests at the expense of the people.

And this statement he released..."all allegations should be reported to civil authorities."

No shit, Sherlock.

I agree that the Church needs to be held accountable, and should be added to those agencies which the law requires to report any allegations of abuse.

For more information on this subject, which turns my stomach mightily, you can check out The Daily News, CNN.com and Newsday.

~*~

As for Smallville, this episode was like Cheetos... bad for you, but so good in that crunchy, cheesy, corny way...

Highlights:

=> "Just a good old boy..." playing in Bo Kent's truck. Hee!

=> Jonathan being the hero for once

=> Yet another car exploding in Smallville. The car insurance premiums must be sky-high

=> Pete! Pete! and more Pete! Woohoo! Sam Jones gave good anger, I thought

=> Joe Morton. He's so fucking cool, and I'm kinda digging the hair...

=> Martha explaining how she met Jonathan... okay, that josses the fic I was planning, but I got a little choked up - Annette O'Toole is officially the hottest chick on this show, too.

=> Lex... Lex... mmmm... Lex... *swoon*

=> Lana's rant about her dead parents. They died in the meteor shower, you know. Bwahahahahaha!

I love that this show pokes fun at itself.

=> Clark all bewildered by Sexy!Lana

=> Chloe kicking ass as an investigative reporter.

I figured it out tonight. Chloe = Lois and Pete = Jimmy Olson.

=> Lex and Clark... god, they just need to hug ... and fuck.

yeah, that'd be good. Clear the air between them right up...

=> I liked Whitney's haircut. I actually felt bad for him. He's being all Responsible!Whitney, and you know he's not getting any ass, and she dumps him.

=> According to Beth, the only thing missing was Prinicipal Kwan shirtless, with a sword (smoochies and clones to those who get the reference)

=> I fear the amount of Clark/Lana/Lex fic this ep will kick up. Please, I beg of you, no! Chloe/Clark/Lex is the way to go. Lana's not interesting enough.

I mean, her big fantasy is to *look at the Metropolis skyline*?

What about *going* to Metropolis and wreaking a little havoc?

Lana = Boring

So all in all, this was a pretty damn cool episode. Lex is continuing his slide toward evil, with lies of commission and ommission, he and Clark shared some seriously Gay Looks, and the other characters' arcs all got moved forward.

Aside from shirtless-sword-wielding!Kwan, I'd have liked to see Nicodemus perk up and sing, or at least give us a "Feed me, Dr. Hamilton!" but that would be too campy, I suppose. *g*

so yeah, good episode. Highly enjoyable.

I was hoping to have a review of Origin #5, since it arrived tonight, but I haven't read it yet, being all eager to get online to talk about Slashville.

But it looks like a good one.

Hunting with wolves.

William Blake.

hee!

In other news, I'm apparently being punished. <*snerk*> So much for the free exchange of ideas, eh?

Go read Sarah T's blog. She makes a good point, one I learned the hard way.

Comments, as always are welcome. In the LJ or in the guestbook

~victoria
[current mood: happy]
[current music: Theme from Dukes of Hazzard, in my head]

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~*~

2002-03-19 - 4:49 p.m.

San Giuseppe

Gah!

Can't believe I forgot!

Happy St. Joseph's Day!

Sigh.

Since Seviroli closed, there's no place within walking distance of home to get the sfinci and zeppole for San Giuseppe...

Yet another piece of childhood, gone...

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~*~

2002-03-19 - 4:39 p.m.

am I speaking Greek, here?

Sometimes I wonder if I'm speaking/writing the same language as everyone else.

Or if I'm just stupid.

<*you, over there, stop smirking and cackling*>

Because...

I don't know.

I don't enjoy confrontation, as much as I love a good argument (and yes, there is a difference. A big whopping one. An argument, or debate, if you prefer, is about an *issue* - an outside thing - politics, religion, criticism. A confrontation is about an interpersonal relationship type thing, and well, *snort* not exactly my area of expertise).

And I really don't like it when someone takes something I say and apparently willfully misinterprets it.

It just annoys me.

I'm talking about the "how", the manner in which something is done, *not* the person doing it.

Is that so hard to separate?

Eh.

I've got other things to worry about, so, bygones.

Getting ready to post One Hundred Dollars. I need to print it out and read it through.

I don't know why, but I find it much easier to catch typos on paper than on screen - especially my own.

On screen, I sort of just see what I expect to see. I mean, I do that on paper as well, but not quite as much.

The other reason I plan on posting before I leave work is that that way, there's some distance and time involved.

I won't be online again most likely until after Smallville, which means 10 pm, which means no anxious hovering for feedback.

I hate the fact that I *am* a hoverer for feedback, but there it is. Posting anxiety, pre and post.

Post-posting anxiety.

Heh.

We'll see if people are still at all interested in the RR.

Speaking of hovering, NNG recognized my X-Men action figures. I don't know if I'm pleased or not...

And the Rangers have acquired Pavel Bure.

Again, not sure if I'm pleased or not...

~victoria
[current mood: annoyed and anxious]
[current music: Comfortably Numb - Pink Floyd]

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~*~

2002-03-19 - 11:02 a.m.

'tis a pity she's a whore

Okay, Needy New Guy is hovering.

I hate hovering even when I know the person.

Why do people need to stand and wait for their faxes to go through?

Or maybe I'm just jumpy because I'm so clearly doing non-work-related stuff and he's standing there.

Gah.

I hate people.

In other news (and I do have some now *snerk*), I was pretty on the money so far with my CMFFA predictions.

While I don't understand how some of the things that won, won (how could Luminous Pretty *NOT* have won for Best Erotic/Slash?), I'm fairly content that my predictions were right.

Hey, one has to take comfort where one can find it.

What else?

Oh, yeah, criticism v. simple feedback v. flaming.

Regarding the big long thing in Thamiris' journal, in which I have not commented, mainly because I agree with the person who said, "get over it" and said that it looked like a plea for attention and love.

Since I had nothing nice to say, I said nothing. There. I'm not going to piss in someone else's playground.

Here, in my sandbox, I'm saying, "get over it."

Sometimes it's best to just hit delete.

Note: All "yous" in the following are generic and none are directed at any one individual, though it was Tham's post that got me thinking about it.

Seriously.

If something squicks you or disturbs you, don't read it. And certainly don't send the writer a note telling them how much it squicked you, even if your intentions are good.

I mean, if you've got *nothing* nice to say at all, say nothing. If you can manage to work in a few compliments (Wow, your [those damn you're/your things get me every time. stupid typing fingers] writing is amazing, but thus-and-so disturbed me), then maybe, yeah, send the feedback. But if you're just going to tell someone how disturbing the fic was (and not in a good way), why bother? They'll just get all fartoyched and no good purpose is served.

On the other hand, should you receive such an email, try to be an adult about it and get over it.

Not everyone likes you. Well, unless you're some sort of living, breathing Mary Sue. And then god, who'd *want* to like you?

So, yeah, some people don't like you and never will and nothing you can do or say will change their minds. Whinging about it in public just makes you look like a publicity hound, an attention whore.

And there's something I wanted to talk about.

The word "whore".

Talk about loaded words.

The reason I'm thinking about this is not, despite what you may have heard, that someone called me a whore in all seriousness recently.

No, not recently. <*snerk*>

Ahem, that was a bad attempt at humor.

Sorry.

Back to the subject at hand.

Whore.

As always, [warner wolf] let's go to the videotape [/warner wolf], er, the dictionary

Main Entry: 1 whore
Pronunciation: 'hOr, 'hor, 'hur (they forgot "hoo-a" which is how you say it in Brooklyn. *snerk*)
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English hore, from Old English hOre; akin to Old Norse hOra whore, hOrr adulterer, Latin carus dear -- more at CHARITY
Date: before 12th century
1:a woman who engages in sexual acts for money : PROSTITUTE; also : a promiscuous or immoral woman

2: a male who engages in sexual acts for money
3: a venal or unscrupulous person

Main Entry: 2 whore
Function: verb
Inflected Form(s): whored; whor·ing
Date: 1583
intransitive senses
1: to have unlawful sexual intercourse as or with a whore
2: to pursue a faithless, unworthy, or idolatrous desire
transitive senses, obsolete: to corrupt by lewd intercourse : DEBAUCH

Okay, so, prostitute, loose woman, venal or unscrupulous person.

Whore.

It's got that harsh Anglo-Saxon sound and when you say it and *mean* it, it hurts.

And the reason I've been thinking of this is because, in three stories I've been working on, it comes up.

And not as a joke.

It's there in the subtext (and I will soon be editing to make it text) of "One Hundred Dollars" - one reason Rogue is so upset with Logan is that he bet money on being able to get her into bed. "Bought and paid for" she says - like a whore. Another reason, which is what I'm going to insert, because I'd forgotten it (duh, how could I have? I dunno) from "The Sure Thing", the very title of which is another, nicer way of saying, "whore."

Logan was so confident that he would get into Rogue's pants that he was willing to put money on it.

I think you can see why this might be insulting to a woman.

I'm not talking about being sex-positive or negative here.

I'm talking about loaded words and how they can hurt, and my own baggage that sex is always less meaningful - and somewhat hurtful - when there's an exchange of goods involved.

I don't like being made to feel that something I do is in "payment" for something, and I don't like being made to feel like I *have* to do something in return for something else.

Yeah, it's my baggage. It's also my fiction. Deal.

So this subject came up in "Who You Are," where it belongs, because Rogue is, in that AU, a whore, a prostitute, a hooker. I believe, when I get to the next fic in that series (if I ever do - notice how I hedge? I think the series could end with "Reinvention," but there are two things I'd still like to write if inspiration strikes - Dottie meeting Rogue, and Logan avenging her on Sabretooth), that it wil raise its ugly head again.

How could it not?

But it's also come up in that snip I posted yesterday, where Logan bites the word back when confronting Rogue about her arrangement with Warren.

It's funny how a man can have sex with "zero consequences" (*g*) but a woman is still a slut or a whore if she has a fuckbuddy, and this is most often the attitude of the men who sleep around.

But I'm not here to take on the double standards in which our society is awash.

I'm just trying to figure out why I keep returning to this theme, this word, this ugly concept of a venal, unscrupulous woman who uses her body to get ahead.

See, it's somehow tolerable (in the loosest sense of the term) if it's just to survive. Because survival, yeah - we're all for that. At any cost. (Hey, I'm the one who advocates homicide over suicide if it comes down to that choice, so perhaps my morality is not one which anyone should emulate, because it shades somewhat toward the sociopathic on occasion.)

But when it becomes about getting ahead, using sex to gain power or prestige or a job etc., then it becomes ugly.

Anyhow, I have another scene in mind, for Consumption, where Rogue and Logan have the same sort of conversation.

-- if you don't want to be <*snerk*> spoiled for Consumption, stop reading now... --

Again, Rogue is a hooker - or an ex-hooker. She and Scott both hustled and hooked and did all sorts of other nasty things to survive.

And the way the scene plays in my head, she's trying to repay Logan - for saving her life? For the pearls? For the fact that it Jean left him for Scott, and it's Rogue's "fault" that Scott was there at all?

I don't think even she knows. She just knows that sex is pretty much the only thing she has to offer - aside from her useless mutation, it's the only thing anyone's ever wanted from her.

And Logan takes offense at that.

Nice turn of events, eh?

He tells her she's not a whore, or he doesn't want her to be *his* whore, or something like that.

Normally, I don't notice trends in my own writing until the stories are long finished (witness the bathroom thing), but I found this sort of interesting that I've got four separate, and somewhat different stories, and yet this topic arises. In two of them, it's to be expected, based on Rogue's characterization and her status as a street kid who turned tricks to survive (really, 8 months on the road? 8 months hitching rides with random people? Come on, Marvel. I doubt she's all innocence and light after that, despite what we all like to believe).

But in the other two...

I have to ponder this turn of mind.

I wonder if it's because of the type of profic I read, and would like to write.

Hookers with hearts of gold abound in detective fiction, though I prefer them to not always have the heart of gold, myself. I like them just as dirty and tarnished as the rest of the characters, which could explain my fascination with James Ellroy's work, even though I feel the need to scrub afterwards.

I find myself drawn to writing about drug addicts, hookers and street life, even though I'm solid middle-middle class with no history of any of that in my life, and no real connection to it, other than seeing it on the streets of Manhattan (and, of course, having a brother who's a substance abuse counselor and listening to some of his stories).

It could be my own fascination with the way some people just slide off into this addiction and the life that goes with it, always hustling, always looking for the next blast (read The Corner by David Simon and Edward Burns for an *amazing* and heartbreaking look at this world... and while I'm at it, I may as well proselytize for The Book: Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets - it was from this that the former Best Damn Show On Television came, and you can get them both on Amazon now. Go ahead. I'll wait.), and then, in fanfic, how I can so easily see Logan and/or Rogue falling into that life.

So yeah, while we may joke about being "Fandom's whore" or a "feedback whore," the terms "media whore" and "attention whore" are pejorative.

And you know, this was originally supposed to be another long post on the nature of feedback, so while some of you may have stopped reading when I got all semantical, at least it wasn't another whinge on feedback, right?

I have to actually do work now, but think about it.

Think about the words you use and what they mean, on various levels, and why you choose them.

Because I know I, at least, instinctively choose the words I write and say, and only then go back and try to find another, better, one, if necessary.

So why do I choose negative words sometimes instead of positive ones when the positive ones will do just as well?

Why does anyone?

Ah, me.

I love the English language and all its ins and outs.

As always, comments are *most* welcome. I adore a good argument. Er, discussion.

Whatever. *g*

~victoria
[current mood: bemused]
[current music: Hey, You've Got to Hide Your Love Away - Eddie Vedder (yes, I know it's a Beatles song. He covers it on the "I Am Sam" soundtrack... and cover songs - that reminds me of another topic I want to discuss... *g*]

PS: The title of this entry comes from the John Ford play of (almost) the same name, and also I wrote a fanfic with the title. It's not a slam against anyone anywhere, in case someone thought it might be.



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