a fool's musings

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2002-04-02 - 9:55 p.m.

crit redux, plus more!

Thamiris has two entries devoted to the whole constructive crit debate: here and here.

Here's my response (which is in the comments there):

Tham
But why do constructive crit writers *give* feedback? Call me cynical, but I don't believe it's just a genuine impulse to altruism.

Of course it's not altruistic.

I give it because I see a writer I think could be or is really good, and I want more fic from them, but there's just this one nagging thing that's bothering me, whether it's a persistent grammatical error or a problem with characterization or simply an actual fact gotten wrong.

If I have nothing nice to say, I say nothing. If I enjoyed the fic and will never think about it again, I probably dash off a "Wow, that was hot" or something.

But if I think it's a worthwhile piece of writing that has made me think or feel, and there's this one thing... as long as I know the author and think she'll be receptive, I tell them. Hell, even, on occasion, when I don't know the author, but I'm really into the fic, I'll tell them.

I think, and this may be egotistical, that we all have a responsibility to good writing and to the fandom (whichever fandom it is), to try and make everything we do the best it can be.

So *of course* I think we should send constructive criticism, and, in response to your later post, that includes things that *worked* as well as things that didn't.

Tham
Crit, to me, is like all writing, and requires some hardcore revision to ensure that the argument's presented in a compelling way. It's not just the author who has to write well, but the crit-giver, too.

Absolutely.

And yes, it should be sugar-coated. And yes, I try, when I do it, to be as self-effacing as possible, while presenting my "credentials" as it were, so they don't think I'm talking out my ass.

But I see no reason, if one respects an author's work, that one shouldn't send a note that includes what one sees as a problem in addition to all the stuff one loved about a story.

Do I think people should suck it up? Yeah, I do. I suck it up on the rare occasions someone bothers to send me serious crit. Do I feel a twinge? God, I feel like I want to curl up and *die*.

No one has ever said taking criticism is easy. If they say that, I'm going to go out on a limb here and call them a liar.

But if one wishes to become a better writer, one swallows the bitter with the sweet.

And obviously, I'm talking about feedback that is honestly meant to be helpful and isn't written with an agenda to belittle the recipient.

~*~

Also, in regard to the WIP rant from earlier today, claritylit thought I might be talking about people who post snips to their diaries etc.

I'm not.

I'm talking about the craze that seems to have overtaken some West Wing writers, of posting 57 part stories in which each part is approximately 8K, or barely a page long. A couple of WW fic lists I'm on have been inundated with these types of stories, and it irks me.

Are people going to stop doing it because it irks me? No.

But I feel better 'cause I complained about it.

On another topic, Jenn wrote:
It's like the most unusual society in existence. It's the six degress of separation phenomenon. I mean it. I've been tracing my direct links by six in any direction just for the fuck of it and can more or less end up at most any fanficsters livejournal/blog on the net that I recognize (helps that most people have ALOT more direct links than I have). I've been running across people I haven't talked to since my earliest days in Voyager, almost three years ago. It's weird--cool, but weird.

One of the things I love about diaries and LJs and such is that I've met people I would never, ever, ever have come into contact with, since we share no fandom and would never have been on a list together etc. And yet, we have some interests in common, or we share a philosophy about writing, or we both think Alan Rickman is the shit.

I've found that this diary is linked to people I didn't even think knew I existed, which geeks me. I mean, it just *blows my mind* that people are actually interested in what I might have to say, enough that they want to publicly acknowledge my existence.

And it blows my mind that there are people reading this who don't know me, who don't know what fanfic is, and who maybe are getting exposed to a whole new side of the internet, through my links to all the wonderful people out there that I've met through ficdom and fandom in general.

And now, before I get all verklempt, I'll go.

I still haven't finished killing Rogue. *g*

Got comments or crit? Let me know. *g*

~victoria



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2002-04-02 - 3:30 p.m.

WIP peeve

Interesting discussion of the giving (and taking) of crit over in Te's blog (and while you're there, read "Chupa Chup," which is just a darling little CLex PWP), which began in Destina's journal.

Goes hand in hand with the articles linked below.

Also, Seema responded to Jenn's musings and Jenn herself had more to say on the subject.

I was holding off on doing an entry this after, hoping I'd have a fic snip ready, but alas, work has actually been busy, and the time I have had, I've spent doing the blog thing. So maybe later. Deathfic. Or not.

Now, I'm gonna rant.

Hide the women and children!

WIPs.

Why post them?

Why annoy me by writing 57 part stories in which each part is approximately 8K, or barely a page long?

Who thinks this is a good way to write a fic? and more importantly, why?

It's just... it's freaking annoying is what it is. I get 16 parts of a story in one night, I expect it to be the whole freaking story, you know? Not 16/? and then 7 more parts the next day, all 8-9K and all still labeled X/?.

I understand that you want to get it out as fast as possible. You want the feedback loving. I'm right there with you.

But gah...

Maybe it's because I have this policy, instituted after being burned before, of not reading WIPs (unless I really, really trust the author to finish and know by their track record that they will), but lately this has really been working my nerves.

I end up deleting more shit than reading. I don't mean shit in that the stories are shit, btw. I'm just being my usual crude self.

Whew, that felt good to get out.

And now, I'll do as the Eagles are telling me, and "Take It Easy." *g*

~victoria

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~*~

2002-04-02 - 10:49 a.m.

part of the furniture

So I had proof once again this weekend that I'm part of the furniture.

Let me 'splain.

No, it is too much. Let me sum up.

*g*

Seriously.

We were teasing my cousin about how much wine she was drinking at Victor's party, and she turned to me and said, "You're one to talk. You were the one who kept adding brandy to the mulled wine that time, and we got plastered together."

I have never in my life 1. drunk mulled wine or 2. gotten drunk with Elizabeth.

I can state this as an absolute fact.

I used to worship her. She was the coolest cousin around to me when I was growing up - she's about 10 years older, and I wanted to be like her *so* much when I was younger.

So, even though I've mostly grown out of that hero worship, I'd remember getting drunk with her.

Never happened.

When I said that, she was like, "It was a few years ago. Don't tell me you weren't there."

But the thing is, I wasn't. I know I wasn't. I'm pretty sure I was in Denver at the time. It was January of 2000, I'm thinking, and I was definitely in Denver then.

This is not the first time this has happened to me. I have numerous stories of people reminiscing with me about things I was never there for.

In some ways, it's disheartening, because it means that they really don't remember.

In other ways, it's kind of flattering (and when did "kindave" become acceptable internet spelling? That's so wrong. It's like "should of". ::shudder::) because it means that they like me enough to insert me in places that I wasn't. In fact, in a couple of cases, it means they've inserted me into memories from before they knew me.

Usually, drinking is involved in these memories, so I'm not sure what to make of that, except that I guess I've got a reputation as a party girl. Which wouldn't be *wrong,* mind you. *g*

I guess I'm just the kind of person who blends in with the furnishings, is what I'm trying to say. I'm Reliable Dog Geyser Person, always in the background, hanging out, but never really center stage (except for a few memorable occasions I keep trying to forget *snerk*).

People think I'm one of the cool kids even when I'm not.

I don't know if I can apply this fandom or not, because I haven't really had the experience much online, though occasionally people have thought I was in a group that I was really not.

I mean, aside from my Unfit confederates, I don't have a "clique" of any sort that I belong to.

I have friends, yes. And some of them I'm also friends with in groups, if that makes sense. But while they might form a clique, and might even self-identify as being a tight-knit circle of friends, I don't believe that I'm in that circle. I'm sort of just on the perimeter.

And that's fine with me.

I like having that low-key kind of presence. I'm there, but I'm not intrusive, and people feel free to confide in me. I'm a good listener, I keep secrets well, and I don't judge. Much. Okay, I'm fairly judgemental, but only with really close friends. Otherwise, I just listen and try to provide some sensible advice.

I'm a terrific listener, believe it or not.

I know, I hardly believe I shut up enough for other people to talk, but it's true. *g*

I mean, I've had the experience of having total strangers confide their life stories to me. For someone who doesn't like to talk to strangers, it can be disconcerting when someone sits down next to you on the subway or the cafeteria and starts telling you how their boyfriend is cheating on them.

I realize that telling a stranger your problems can sometimes give you a perspective that you didn't have before, and it's safe, because they're not going to run back to your mother/boyfriend/best friend with the dirt, but people, please - if you see someone with a walkman on, don't talk to them! That's a good sign they might not want to be disturbed, you know?

Anyhow, back to my original topic. Or not.

This is mostly inspired by Jenn's musings about sociability in fannish circles.

Now, I'm going to try to separate out my newsgroup experiences and talk solely about fic and fic mailing lists.

When I got into XMMFF, I was welcomed very warmly by bishclone (the very same Kat Hughes to whom Jenn refers). I posted my first fic and got lovely feedback for it.

It never really occurred to me that there was a *community* per se. I mean, I could tell who was friends with whom, because of the author's notes and beta listings, but it didn't *mean* anything to me. I mean, yeah, I wanted people to like my fic, but very early on, discussion was cut out of XMMFF, and I was fine with that.

When I joined WaR, it was much more community-oriented, and though I didn't really have any *friends* in the fandom, I knew people by then (I guess it was October or November - I want to say November -- my first posted fic there was Night Visits, if I recall correctly.), so I wasn't completely lost or uncomfortable.

I'm not like Jenn, though, in that 1. I am *not* a social writer. I mean, yeah, I'm influenced by stuff I read [highly influenced in some cases - I'm a *reactive* writer, for sure], but I cannot do anything else but write when I'm writing. So AIM, chat, email, television, the radio etc. - it's all got to go away when I want to write, or nothing gets done.

The only exception to this is at work, where I can sometimes manage to bang out a couple thousand words in the midst of working and answering the phone and having the radio on. I don't know why that is.

and 2. I've never been so intimidated that I couldn't send feedback, or post to someone's LJ or whatever.

I mean, I still consider the first L/R fic I ever read to be the best L/R fic out there (Safety In Numbers by Elizabeth. Go read it. I'll wait.) just because it hit all the notes that make me love the ship, and it was so fresh and new and painful and beautiful. And I wrote her a note, after dithering about whether or not she'd actually want to hear from some freaky stranger about how much I loved her fic. She responded very politely, and that was it. If something moves me, I send FB. I may not get to it right away, but I do it.

BNFs? Pffft.

They need the FB love as much as the rest of us. Though if they're not gracious about it, they don't get it from me, same as any other Joe Schmoe who writes fic. You get what you give, you know?

I learned, after seeing the WaR meltdown, that one needs to speak up and not worry about what other people might think, for my own mental health if for no other reason. When the thing that gives you pleasure, that's your escape from daily stress, gives you as much or more stress as life/work etc., it's time to either scrape it off or make it less stressful.

Coming from that newsgroup background, I do understand the intimidation factor. Not because someone wrote something I could never hope to match, but because someone argued something so well that I couldn't respond. And since I pride myself on being a good arguer, that's saying something. There were a couple of people on ath that I was hesitant to take on, simply because not only were they really smart, they could be really cutting if they felt you were being stupid or an ass.

But I eventually got over it, and you can ask anyone who knows me from there, or from atbvs or ata that I was always read to tackle an argument, even with someone who intimidated most people (Hi Sarah). I might not always be right, but I'm not going to back down just because someone is a BNF or has an Ivy League education.

Especially not when it comes to fic. Jesus, just because someone is an amazing writer doesn't make them an expert on a show.

Anyhow, as far as social influences go, yes, I do like bouncing ideas off people, both my betas and the chicks I chat with on AIM, and a couple other people via email. They can sometimes kickstart me with an idea when I'm stuck or send me off in directions I'd never anticipated or a dozen other things that might contribute to my writing, but in the end, it's me and the laptop (or the pen and notebook, depending *g*).

I'm far more influenced by reading good fic (after I get over the wailing and rending of garments and gnashing my teeth in envy and the swearing I'll never write again because I can't write like that), or reading bad fic and wanting to fix it, or reading fic that is diametrically opposed to what I believe the characters to be and so I need to "answer" that with my own version (see My Time Is Gonna Come for an example of that).

The other thing is, my betas are not in my main fandom, really. Yeah, Pete and Meg write the occasional bit of X-Fic, and I write the occasional BtVS piece, but for the most part, they're not involved. They don't know the fanon, they don't care about the fanon. They're good for me that way. They also don't know the politics and the BNFs and all the other crap.

And I like it that way. That way, I have an outside, grounding influence that can tell me when I'm getting too caught up in fandom bullshit, both in X-Men and in Smallville.

Well, with work interruptions, it's only taken me two hours to write this. Sheesh.

I did get some writing done last night and this morning - worked on the deathfic a bit, a little on NotDL, and this morning wrote almost a whole scene for Consumption.

It's not the next scene, sigh, but it's a scene that I had in my head.

I'd like to get back to Caliper and to Amnesiac!Rogue, as well.

Hmm... maybe I'm getting back into the groove. It's the spring-like weather. *g*

~victoria
[current mood: okay]
[current music: Save a Prayer - Duran Duran]

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~*~

2002-04-01 - 9:13 p.m.

done, done, done...

Woohoo!

Numfar, do the Dance of Joy!

Or the Dance of Seema Rocks!

Whichever.

'Cause Victoria got some fic written tonight!

Woohoo!

And she's about to be arrested for abusing the exclamation point!

Heh.

Okay, it wasn't the fic I was planning on working on, and I still need to do the other part, but one part is done. Finito. Off to the betas.

Now I just need to do the death scene. *g*

I spent a good portion of the afternoon editing, on paper, Consumption, so I'm hoping, if work isn't too busy tomorrow, I'll make those edits, and possibly get back in gear on that.

Plus, I've added a few lines here and there to NotDL, so I think that might be coming along. It also may be shorter than originally planned, but... well, there's no Adena Watson murder, so that cuts a portion of the dialogue down, and there's no Crosetti-Mrs. Crossetti-Beatrice conversation, and no Cleaning Woman climax, so... yeah, it might be shorter.

I'm working on getting the water gun business in next, then perhaps Logan giving Remy advice, Jean telling Rogue to give Logan a chance, and then Kitty and Bobby working out their differences, Jean and Scott being romantic, Remy finally calling Ororo, and Logan and Rogue settling their business.

And then the finale on the back lawn with the hose. *g*

I'd like it to be on the roof, like on the show. D'ya think that'd work?

Ah, me, the joy of creating again. Even if it is with someone else's dialogue.

You'd be surprised how hard it is, when you're not matching characters directly, and just taking the dialogue/situations, to redo someone else's script.

We'll see if I'm successful, or if it ends up being chalked up as one of my rare failures.

Hmm...

~victoria

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~*~

2002-04-01 - 6:40 p.m.

answering the Legend

So, for the third time since they've moved into this house, today I had to go chasing after Ella as she escaped from the house.

I fear the day she gets out and I'm not here.

Buh-bye, dog.

I wrote a brief nostalgic meditation on baseball over in the LJ.

I love baseball. I mean, I love hockey and football as well, but baseball... There's just something about it.

Mets won, so that's a nice way to start the season. Lots of strike-outs, which is to be expected from their all-new, all-power line up, but they scored 6 runs, so it's okay.

I'm finally responding to Meg the Legend's comments in the guestbook.

She wrote:
Oh, all right, I'll grant you L/J is disgusting. I can't stomach the pretense any longer. Nothing to do with the age gap, I just don't like it.

I don't like it either.

I know, you could never tell, right? *snerk*

I think I can finally articulate why I loathe it so much, even leaving the L/R thing out of the equation.

It comes down to this.

Jean has made a commitment to Scott.

To throw that away for a stranger (in the movieverse), for someone she knows nothing about and is just *attracted* to, is wrong.

And it's hurtful to Scott, who obviously loves her. I think it's far more obvious that Scott loves Jean in the movie than vice versa.

I mean, yeah, I'm biased on Scott's behalf, but still -- I don't think Logan would respect a woman who would so casually discard a commitment for a quick tumble.

He strikes me as a man who prizes loyalty and honor, and there's no honor in cheating or adultery.

Because in the end, in movieverse, I really don't think Logan and Jean would work as a couple. They're too different. So they would just wind up shagging until the shiny wore off, and then what would they be left with?

Broken friendships and relationships.

So, there you go. No L/J for me, ever, thanks.

In the comics, I don't like it because, goddammit, she's kept him dangling for how many years? She knows how he feels. She may have a spark for him as well, but she's committed to Scott. And she knows nothing is ever going to happen, but she never gives Logan the heave-ho, the "sorry, if I'd met you first, yeah, but I love Scott and that's not changing."

I mean, she's freaking *married* to him.

And I don't want to get into all the problems with Comics!Scott, nor his current behavior, because I don't know enough about it.

I'm just saying, this is why I don't like L/J.

Next topic!

More Meg:
I completely agree with you on best vs favourite (note spelling). (Vic here: Bah. Silly Aussies. Here in America, we threw off the yoke of British oppression, and funny spelling, 220+ years ago.) Some of the old Trek episodes are hilarious, and I'd watch 'em over & over again, but there's no way they're the "best" episodes. I love 'em partly because of the plot holes bigger than Kansas, and the terrible cliches (good God, Kirk fell in love with the female guest star? No!!), and the housepaint masquerading as makeup. It ain't good, but it's *fun*. Star Trek II is one of the *best* Trek movies ever made. It's got everything; vulnerability from Kirk (genuine stuff, not Shatner grandstanding, for once), the Son Kirk Never Knew About, the wonderful Montalban (and that *chest*!) as the villain, the horrific mind control slug thingies, and that awful, awful ending. But it's too painful for me to watch it over and over.

Exactly.

I like Wrath of Khan. I haven't seen the later Trek movies, with the TNG cast, but of the ones I *have* seen, I'd probably call that one the best. However, my favorite is the ultra-cheesy The Voyage Home.

Singing whales! Nuclear wessels! Spock and Kirk on the bus!

What's not to love there? *G*

Meg again:
What do you mean, exactly, by "technically brilliant"? I know I'm anal, but to me, that's an oxymoron. Technical, to me, is checking off a list. Storm's real name is Ororo? Check. It's "Rogue", not "Rouge"? Check. No grammar or spelling errors? Check. Willow has frog fear, not snail fear? Check. It's quantitive rather than qualititive, if that makes any sense. So "brilliant" doesn't apply. Is that how you see it?

I mean technically brilliant in the sense of the sentences are beautiful. The words are so well chosen that you can't even imagine substituting another word. If you're like me and you tend to edit as you read, even if you read for pleasure. I find myself rewriting stuff - fanfic, profic, articles, hell, television shows and movies, too - as I read, I'm talking about something where you don't. Every word works where it is, and you don't feel the need to rewrite.

As an example, I'm talking somebody like Hemingway. You (generic you) may loathe him, but there's no better stylist or craftsman in American literature.

But his characters, due to his refusal to make causal links or use descriptors, are often opaque and unlikable.

I never made an emotional connection with Frederick Henry or Catherine in A Farewell to Arms, and I only ever connected to Jake in The Sun Also Rises, but I find the prose so beautiful it's almost painful.

What you're talking about strikes me as nothing more than technical competence. Brilliance is oh, four or five levels above that on the scale. *g*

Meg:
I'd love to hear your opinion. I think emotional wallop is different for different people. If I connect to the characters (which is connected to what Jenn said), even if I don't particularly like the characters generally, then I'll feel the wallop in the story. If the writer uses phrases, metaphors, experiences, that make me think "Ohhh. That's like when I...", or "I know exactly what she/he's feeling here", then I connect. That's different for different people, IMO. Of course, you *can* pander, and go the ultra-soppy, ultra-angsty, or ultra-mushy route. But again, you'll delight some people, and turn some people off.

Yes, emotional wallop is tightly connected to clicking with the characters, to identifying with what they're going through, even if you can't put yourself exactly in their shoes - while many of us may feel isolated and/or alienated/marginalized in high school, how many of us are *actual* aliens or mutants or Chosen Ones, with superpowers etc.? Yet, we can all identify somewhat with Clark or one of the X-Men or Buffy, because of their feelings about their situation, not necessarily the characters themselves, if that makes sense.

I also think that inferior writing can often wring an emotional response, just because of the plot/situation etc. Cliches are cliches because they work.

But I'll be perfectly honest and admit that there are several Regency romances that make me bawl like a baby. Do I think they're well-written? They get the job done with yeomanlike prose, sure, but no one is going to mistake any of those authors for Hemingway or Rushdie or even Atwood (who I don't particularly care for, but whose writing is really, really good).

And the *best* writing will combine that technical beauty with the emotional wallop.

Meg:
Vic, I would like to challenge you personally. Not because I think you're incapable; because I'd like to see the difference, in your opinion. Write the same passage, or the same short story, in two different ways. E.g. Rogue tells Logan she loves him; Buffy goes to the Magic Shoppe and finds out Xander's come back to Anya; or Willow screws up and apologises. One "technically brilliant". The other, with a view to trying to appeal to people, not worrying so much about spelling, grammar, etc. Pandering, if you like. *g* Bringing the mush, or the angst, or whatever you like. How's that sound?!

I would love to, Meg, but I don't know if I'm capable of technical brilliance on a sustained and planned basis. Do I get flashes of lightning that illumine otherwise decent prose? Yeah, I think so. There are occasional sentences or passages that still thrill me when I read them, and I think, "I wrote that!?" because it strikes me as exceptionally well-done.

But to sit down and write something with that goal... I don't know if I can. I don't know if anyone can.

And as you (and anyone who regularly reads this space) already know, I'm unsure of my ability to bring the pain. Or the joy. I mean, when I'm writing, I'm simultaneously serving the needs of the story and hoping to get that emotional reaction from the reader.

I have to think some more about how that part of it works.

because I never, ever plan on the words that come out, really. I just plan on the actions those words will describe.

So I think that one can *learn* to create the emotional response, but the technical brilliance is a function of talent/skill and luck and damned hard work.

Or possibly vice versa.

I'm not sure.

Did I vague that up for you, Meg?

*grins*

Meg
interfering old baggage

Yes, yes, you are! *g*

In other news, did my taxes today. Finally. I get later and later every year.

I'm getting big bucks back.

It's a function of being withheld at my full salary, but only working half a year.

Woohoo!

Cash money coming my way!

*g*

Feel free to comment

~victoria
[current mood: silly]
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2002-03-31 - 8:42 p.m.

politicizing punctuation

Family dinner is over. Everyone else has gone home.

Mom's cleaning up the kitchen, Dad's dozing while watching The Ten Commandments.

It was a nice day, even if a few people didn't make it due to illness.

I've decided I'm staying here tomorrow and just going into work on Tuesday on the railroad.

I need to do my taxes, and here I'll have someone to bitch me out if I don't.

At home, it's just me, the laptop and the urge to nap. *g*

My father was reading the paper, and he found this article, which is all about the attempts of the Danish government to legislate the use of the comma.

I shit you not.

The beauty of it, to me, is how they've managed to politicize punctuation.

I thought only the French could do that.

Of course, I remember being told once by someone who refused to use capital letters in her posts that capitals were tools of the oppressive patriarchy.

Me, I didn't used to use them because I was lazy and didn't want to hit shift.

Alt.tv.homicide rapped me on the knuckles for that one, and eventually I gave in.

I mean, if enough people make the same argument, and it makes sense, there's probably some merit to it.

I'm willing to take advice and change, as long as someone can point out *why* [as always] things would be better a different way.

Which leades me to the topic of constructive criticism.

Found links to a couple of interesting little essays in Teague's blog (and doesn't she have the best URL? I love that. Curiosity killed the cat. I've had more than one person give me that warning when I've started looking into things that are best left unlooked-into. *g*).

The first is Destructive Criticism: When Criticism Crosses the Line, which makes some good points about how and when to send constructive crit.

As a follow-up, the same author has written The Fine Art of Bucking Up, which is all about knowing the difference between the critique and the flame.

Yeah, I wish she knew the difference between its and it's, but otherwise, I think she's got some good points.

Oh well. I'm going to try to write, I think. Or maybe make a CD.

I'm not sure.

Happy Birthday, Diana!

~victoria

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2002-03-31 - 3:17 p.m.

Rejoice and be glad

Happy Easter to those of you celebrating.

This is the day the Lord has made; let us be glad and rejoice.

Yeah, I can quote Scripture when the need strikes. 16 years of Catholic school will do that to you.

So the whole family dinner is being fractured, as various people are ill and aren't going to come.

Interesting musings on Passover from Melymbrosia.

When I was in grammar school, we had a seder every year.

Sometimes I wish the Catholic Church had kept this tradition, using it as a celebration on Holy Thursday, maybe, since I think it's a beautiful ritual.

I have a love of ritual, tradition. I tend to be conservative in that way - not socially (in the sense of society, not in the sense of being friendly). I'm a social liberal and a fiscal moderate; I mean in my dealings with family and the past - I like to know the past. I find it fascinating. Family history and tradition are key. There's a reason I love holidays, and that's one of them. To know that you're doing the same thing that your grandparents did, and that their grandparents did - I find that powerful and comforting. To pass that on to the next generation so that they, too will be doing the things their grandparents did... It touches me deeply.

I've mentioned my own tribal nature - family and city foremost before nation or species or whatever. I wonder how much of that comes from the subconscious enculturation of a persecuted people (in my case the Irish - my mother's family was run out of Ireland in the late 1800s for being hedgemasters, i.e., teaching Catholics to read while it was illegal; and the Sicilians, who may just be the most suspicious and paranoid people on earth, simply because they've been conquered by everyone and his brother in their long history and have learned to trust no one but themselves, and this has certainly permeated Sicilian-American culture to a large degree, even if it goes mostly unrecognized).

Well, I've got to go set the table now, but I just wanted to stop by and chat. You know I can't ever keep my mouth shut. *g*

Happy Easter!

Beware the Peeps!

~victoria
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2002-03-30 - 11:16 p.m.

dreaming of Hugh

Ooh, I forgot to tell all about my Hugh Jackman dream last night.

I was a spy. I met a man, played by Hugh Jackman (I think this was a movie, though it could have just been a man who looked exactly like HJ but wasn't him. It was a dream. Why the hell do you expect it to make sense?). I don't remember his name, but we had one hot night, then he disappeared. I ended up pregnant.

Fast forward four years.

I'm retired from the spygame. I've got a 4yo daughter and am trying to make ends meet. I'm running a bed-and-breakfast type place, and this HJ-looking guy, who's going by the name Desse (i remember it, because it was the name under which he made his reservations, but it wasn't the name I'd known him by) shows up.

He doesn't know I have a child.

Apparently, I'm the omiscient narrator in this dream as well as myself, because I know he's looking for me because he's incredibly sorry he left me like that and wants to be with me, but I, as the character I am, *don't* know that. So when I see him flirting with this drop-dead gorgeous woman, I'm a little upset, and I rush around, avoiding him.

What I don't know, as my character, but I do know as the narrator, is that this woman is an enemy spy that he's out to catch.

So there was a lot of sneaking around spying on people and scurrying through the back stairs and such skullduggery.

Then my little girl came down with a very high fever, and I was upset about that, and a my best friend [of the frizzy-haired Nancy Travis type] was trying to convince me that I had to tell this Desse guy that she was his daughter, too.

I wasn't convinced of that, and then I woke up.

Sigh.

So I don't know how the story turned out.

I hate that.

In other news, Victor's party was great, the family shenanigans were a laugh riot (and I'm not being facetious. Marg and I were hysterical. It's better than TV sometimes), and the food was really good.

Now I'm warm and sleepy and will probably go to bed soon.

Buona Pasqua to all who celebrate.

Happy Sunday to all who don't.

~victoria
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The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme.

The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney.

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