a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

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09.09.02 - 9:36 a.m. Dave Barry on 9/11 Why I Love Dave Barry. (Thanks to Pete for the link.) One love, one blood, one life, you got to do what you should. One life with each other: sisters, brothers. One life, but we're not the same. We get to carry each other, carry each other. ~victoria link [current mood: teary] [current music: One - U2] [random quote: One love, one blood, one life, you got to do what you should. One life with each other: sisters, brothers.] ~*~ 09.08.02 - 9:34 p.m. Anywhere But Here This is me, hiding from all things fannish and internet-related. There were actually numerous points during the day today when I could have gotten online and *gasp* didn't. What the HELL is wrong with me? I'm starting to feel obligated, committed, *tied down*, and goddammit I HATE that. I do things on my own terms, in my own way. It's one of the rare things that makes me actually feel like an adult. And lately, fannishness? Feeling obligatory. Not liking it. Not liking it at all. So many things I just don't care about anymore. I want to write fic, putter along with the archive at my own pace, and just have fun. And that is not happening. None of that is getting done, because I have this HUGE ASS backlog of email that I feel obligated to answer, and yeah, sometimes I sit and bang out answers, and at work I do, and in the evenings during the week, but somehow, on the weekends, it starts to feel like work. It feels like *work* to be inside staring at the computer when it's the last few warm days of summer - in the evenings you can feel the cool autumn air encroaching - and I should be outside, taking in the sun, playing with the kids - doing something, *anything* other than this. Huh. If I were playing Anywhere But Here right now, I'd be in St. Thomas (hurricanes bedamned) with the Wolverine, lying on the beach during the day and drinking fruity frozen umbrella drinks, two for one, from the swim up tiki bar, and going dancing til 4 am every night. I would not be wading through and deleting on sight reams of email about Farscape being cancelled. I would not be reading treatises on the political nature of fanfiction, which currently make my brain hurt. I wouldn't be looking at boring cat stories or dealing with friends who think I've gone too far when I mention I've got a Harry Potter story idea. I'm just... I'm tired of it. I really am. All of it. I did no writing this weekend whatsoever, which could also be why I'm cranky. Not to mention PMS. But still-- This is me, denying all obligation to anyone. I don't owe anyone anything, and I'll be damned if I do. I'm doing this for fun. The rest? I don't want it, I don't need it, and I'm gonna try and scrape it off. ~victoria link [current mood: worn out] [current music: Football in the background] [random quote: I did what I had to do and if there was a reason it was you] ~*~ 09.07.02 - 11:49 p.m. a bed! a bed! Apparently, the bed I've chosen is listed as "children's" furniture by Broyhill. Huh. Of course, I'm not getting *exactly* the bed I wanted, since we decided to go for the one that had the drawers underneath, rather than the one with the posts, and it's a full instead of a queen (did I tell that story? about my father going ballistic about me not bringing home strange men while I was sleeping under his roof? As if a strange man has even looked at me in the past few years. Sigh.), but I like it muchly - it's very light and countryish. When I buy a bed for myself (immediately upon finding a new apartment), I might get something similar (and queen sized. I'm used to queen-size. My freaking futon is queen sized. And how nice will it be to sleep somewhat regularly on a real bed after 8 years on a futon? Sigh. My back is excited already.) You can see it here (it's the third bed down - full storage headboard, flat panel footboard, and the dresser is in the top picture - I'm getting it in white). There was another bed I liked (and it would have matched my fish lamp, which I love dearly), but it didn't come in full, only queen. Then I went to Macy's (I hate Macy's, but I had $150 in gift certificates to the store, and I didn't want to waste 'em) and bought a ton of clothes for Tricia. Originally, I was shopping for shower gifts for Diana, but I got distracted. I ended up getting two of those absolutely adorable Carter's Starters boxes, one in pink and one in blue (they come with a tone of onesies and booties and bibs etc.). My mother is going to take them off my hands and use them as *her* gifts for Diana (she's having twins - a boy and a girl), and I also got two receiving blankets and onesies. But since she's registered at Buy Buy Baby, and I'm a godmother, I figure I'll have to get something more substantial for the kids. So little girl clothes for Tricia instead. *g* And a couple outfits for Nicole, as well. She's jealous of all the attention the little one gets, and I can't blame her. Nicki is... difficult, and not as approachable as Tricia is, and she's used to being the baby and the center of attention, and Tricia stole her spotlight. So yeah, gotta give Nicki special attention. Victor is at the age where he'd rather you didn't make a big fuss over him - he's a boy, and he's 6 and well, we're all just so happy he's well and with us that he gets everything he wants from everyone, and that too probably translates to Nicki somehow. I mean, she's got it hard, I guess, being the middle child, and also following Victor. Tomorrow we might go visit them and drop off the clothes. Depends on if we go see "My Big Fat Greek Wedding" and what time the Jets are on. I know I have a ton of email to answer and various comments to answer etc., but I'm just going to do this entry and crawl into bed with "Prisoner of Azkaban." (And no, I wouldn't mind crawling into bed with Sirius Black, if he looked like Clive Owen. Or Remus Lupin, if he looked like Ewan McGregor. And yes, I am obsessed with this idea. What of it?) Gonna try and finish my little Snape fic tomorrow, and weather the slings and arrows of my gusys, who are horrified at my dabbling in HP. Ah, me. What are you gonna do? ~victoria link [current mood: content] [current music: SNL in the background] [random quote: Don’t think ‘cause I understand, I care. Don’t think ‘cause we’re talking, we’re friends. - 6 Underground - Sneaker Pimps] ~*~ 09.07.02 - 2:00 p.m. smoke gets in your eyes for my brother-in-law, who has survived his first week of quitting smoking: Oh my God, you quit smoking. You committed this madness without consulting me first? Are you nuts? No, no, no, you're selfish. You ex-smokers're more relentless than AA or, or the moonies or those born-again vegetarians! Well, tell you what -- I'm not gonna let you bully me about this. I don't wanna hear about how your lungs are pinker than a newborn baby's or how you, you're free of mucus and phlegm. It's all a bunch of crap. It's all a bunch of nonsense. I don't want you counting the number of days you go without a cigarette when you're supposed to be watching my back. You're puttin' my life on the line! I'll put in for hazard pay. No -- you know what? I'm gonna put in for another partner. Beau Felton, Smoke Gets In Your Eyes, Homicide: Life on the Street Getting ready to shop for a mattress and a bed. I haven't slept on a real bed regularly in 8 years. Woohoo! This drive-by post brought to you by the letter B and the number 8760. ~victoria link [current mood: rushed] [current music: mets-phils on tv] [random quote: see above] ~*~ 09.06.02 - 11:38 a.m. a busman's holiday You know you're a sad fangirl when you stay up until 2:30 am rereading a book, and then immediately feel the need to write a fic. God help me, I'm staring a PCR about Snape and Hermione. Not as a couple. ::shudder:: No. Just as teacher/mentor and student. I have to type it up, since I wrote it in sparkly green ink in my notebook (which seemed fitting for Snape. I guess Hermione should be in sparkly gold ink *g*), having already shut the laptop down, and I don't think it's any good (yet) because I have no real feel for Snape. But this could be like my LotR and AotC stories - a vacation from my usual fandom. A busman's holiday, as it were. As I'm getting excited about CoS coming out in November (which will tide me until Two Towers in December), it was nice to get a refresher in what happened. I remembered everything but the spiders for some reason. I don't like bugs, so that could be why. I know when Shelob shows up in RotK (they've moved her section, you know), I'm going to freak, and I'm not looking forward to Aragog, either. ::shudders:: I mean, last night, a *horsefly* made my skin crawl. You can just imagine what giant spiders will do. ~victoria bug-phobic link [current mood: sleepy] [current music: and I think it's gonna be a long, long time...] [random quote: mars ain't the kind of place to raise your kids, in fact it's cold as hell...] ~*~ 09.05.02 - 11:59 p.m. second verse, same as the first Normally I don't repeat posts in both journals, but this one I'm going to, because now I'm curious. In discussing this whole pairing/no pairing/pairing-think business with DD, this is the question I want to ask: What if someone on say, OTL, said, "Hey, enough with this X-Men business. There are too many X-Men stories out there, and I want some Authority fic. This (meaning OTL) is a comics fanfic list, not an X-Men list, so all you X-Men writers, *stretch* and write something new and different. You know there *are* other comics besides X-Men." Or, "All you slash writers, there are too many slash stories out there. Write me some het fic." They'd be slammed six ways from Sunday. But somehow it's okay to say, "People who write romance need to stretch," (and I don't disagree with this, at base. Every writer needs to stretch or they stagnate) or, and I could be reading this wrong, but I get the feeling the implication, particularly behind Dex's post, and to a lesser degree, Alara's, is "People who write movieverse ought to learn about the comics and write comicverse fic of the kind we like." Why is that? XMM, for all that it at one point it seemed quite large, has shrunk down to the same scattered handfuls of writers (only to be expected as it's two years from the movie and another year til the sequel), and yet it's still often treated as the redheaded stepchild of X-fandom. So really, why would any XMM writer *care* about taking the time and effort to endear herself to people who aren't going to read most of her fic anyway? I'm not trying to be nasty, I'm just asking. I don't know that the payoff is worth the effort. If I sound like I have a chip on my shoulder about this, that's an awfully big possibility, considering that not only do I write in the "inferior" genre of movieverse, but I also write that most-loathed by fanboys of pairings, Logan/Rogue. So yeah, I'm a little (okay, a lot) bitter. I mean, this doesn't read to me as a writing quality issue, but a content issue, and it always strikes me as a little dictatorial (something I know quite a bit about being), to tell people what they should and shouldn't write about. It all comes back, as I think on it, to the why. (My Inner Bayliss rears his head again.) Why does Jane Q Fan write fanfic? Why does she read it? While we can all theorize and extrapolate from our own feelings and reasons, that's all we're doing. People read and write fanfic for myriad reasons. If it seems that "pairing-think" predominates in many fandoms, maybe that's because that's what most people want? While I'm no econ major, I'd guess that the law of supply and demand works in fanfic, and that if there are enough people demanding something, some type of story, it will get written, even if they have to write it themselves (which, honestly, is the best thing to do.). Eventually, other people will jump on the bandwagon. If people *don't* want something, then very little of it will get produced. As far as labels and pairing codes etc., part of it is simple marketing. I know that if I label a story that's just barely hinting at a L/R romance, but there's enough to make the claim, I might label it that way to reel in the usual L/R readers. On the other hand, if I have something that I consider bigger than simply an L/R romance, and want to hook the most diverse audience possible, I won't list the pairing (though at this point, I'm sure my name is enough to tip people off, and those people will delete me without reading, even if I've written something that channels Chris Claremont or whoever their favorite comics writer is. Personally, I'd rather channel Neil Gaiman or Joss Whedon, but that's my own fangirlishness at play), and hope that the less er, focused readers will read it. Hmm... must mull some more. And think about Min's categorization thing, because yes, most of my fic would fall under "romance." But not all of it. ~victoria link [current mood: cranky and sleepy] [current music: alive - pearl jam] [random quote: We should be lovers. We can't do that. We should be lovers, and that's a fact.] ~*~ 09.05.02 - 4:00 p.m. genre wars: pairing v. no pairing fic Big long post up in the LJ about... pairing-think and its prevalence, and whether it's a good or a bad, or, as with most things, it's what you do with it that matters. It's here, and started out as a response to Alara's comment, which can be found here. I was very chatty, as I tend to be. Go. Read. Join the discussion. Throw in your 11 cents. So much for not meta'ing the day away. Sigh. ~victoria link [current mood: still cold] [current music: Ain't Too Proud to Beg - Stones] [random quote: \"Let me give you some advice, Tim. Never try to hustle a Sicilian.\" Al Giardello, H:LotS] ~*~ 09.05.02 - 11:22 a.m. three days Three days. That's what I've decided. In Consumption, Logan is out for three days after healing Rogue in the SoL analogue scene. Warning: Blasphemy ahead! If it's good enough for Jesus, it's good enough for Logan. [/blasphemy] *snicker* Maybe that decision, which I've been waffling over for months (the damn movie's no help; it doesn't give us a time frame *either* time Rogue knocks Logan out, but I figure a few hours the first time, but a couple days the second, as he had many wounds that reopened and you know the adamantium slows his healing factor - it's constantly working against the heavy metal poisoning), will finally get me out of the slump I've been in on that story. So I've got the Jean-Hank conversation done, and then I think there's probably a Jean-Scott convo, a Storm-Hank-Scott convo (possibly with Xavier) and then Scott overhears the Logan/Jean breakup scene. *nods* Maybe with that game plan, I can get back to the story, and start plotting Scott's downward spiral. Sigh. At least I think I know how the last scene is going to go, and damn if the helos and Men in Black coming down on the mansion in the trailer didn't match my scenario somewhat. *g* I guess everyone does "the mansion gets invaded" storyline eventually, as it happens so often in the comics. *snerk* I have the images in my head, I just have to write 'em down. Maybe that also will give me some direction, if I write the ending. I'm also contemplating Amnesiac!Rogue and how I'm going to handle six years of her life - I'm really not that interested in covering all that time and her relationship with the new person before Logan comes back into her life. Logan's life also has to be covered. I don't want to just skip the time and do a huge info dump of exposition when they re-meet, either. I have to figure out the structure so I can make this work, because if you can't see Rogue's personality and what needs to change, then the story won't work. Hmm... Let's list the WIsP. That always depresses the hell out of me: XMM Consumption Amnesiac!Rogue (Working title: Time and Tide) Dreams in Red A Game of You Eyes that Lied The Day's Hard Light Watchfic (working title: Gifts) Warren/Rogue/Logan fic (including the Temptation of Wolvie scene; no working title beyond "Without the Rose" which makes no sense to anyone but me currently, but you never know) The Prodigal (possibly unstalled if I delete the annoying conversation that's been bugging me) Rogue's Deathwish Fic The Fifth Wheel Liar's Poker Learning to Fly Gardening At Night Exchange the Experience (I know I can manage this one if I just concentrate. Grr... finishing AtB would make me so happy) N'Kimah Love's Compass/Nothing Heals Me Like You Do Gardening at Night/Perfect Circle Paperback Writer Rendezvous (the "David sent me" fic) Bab!Rogue (if I work up the nerve) Jumping to Conclusions Unrequited Smallville Cruciato fic Metropolitan When We Were Young With This Ring Also having vague ChLexy thoughts about Chloe turning out to be Lois... I'm sure I"m forgetting something, but that could just be that I'm not listing the stories I've decided will never be done. Edited to add: ALl that You Can't Leave Behind! I knew I was forgetting one! And Hope just reminded me about the zoofic! Gah. I really have too many WIsP. *g* I haven't decided what to do with Unrequited. I don't think it really works, and I don't think I'm going to post it. I know if I start expanding on it, I won't be able to resist turning it into a "Logan's just doing what he thinks is right for Rogue; he loves her but won't tell her" type of fic, and that's *SO* not the point of it. But since I don't *believe* in the point of it, and in fact reject this interpretation of their relationship with every fibre of my being, I can't in all honesty bring myself to write it. I'm also having vague Hermione thoughts, in particular, Hermione and Snape thoughts (but not in a romantic way, in a reluctant mentor/horrified student kind of way) and of course, Remus/Sirius thoughts (especially as I've cast Ewan McGregor and Clive Owen, respectively, and who *wouldn't* get all hot and bothered over that idea? *g*). So yeah, I've got a plate full of heavily plotted fic and I'm just a poor little romance writer. Gah. At least it should keep me out of trouble. I have to stop meta'ing my days away and get down to seriously writing fic again. ~victoria link [current mood: cold] [current music: Margaritaville - Jimmy Buffet] [random quote: Some people claim that there's a woman to blame, but I know it's my own damn fault...] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. If you do not like or agree with the contents herein, or find them to be offensive on more than one occasion, please go elsewhere and don't come back. Management is not responsible for any adverse reactions to content within. The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme. The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney. This site is best viewed with IE4+ | 1024x768 | true color | verdana | tables