a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content achromatic unfinished fic graveyard recs journal new stuff recent stuff my back pages January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 the five Ws, or, all about me profile e-mail victoria my livejournal the original P&R comments current mood: "pathological and unbalanced" Items of Interest People LiveJournal folks Baraita bishclone claritylit Jintian Kat Allison Kit Mason metablog mix-tapes Neil Gaiman Nestra Sarah T. Seema Shrift Sundry Mourning zendom Music Walk On - U2 Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet Town Called Malice - The Jam One - U2 The Space Between - DMB Books Lord of the Rings Catch-22 The Neely Trilogy Absalom! Absalom! Possession: A Romance Foucault's Pendulum Dreamhouse LA Confidential I Capture the Castle Sandman Waking the Moon Shows Angel Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns) Alias West Wing The Simpsons webrings < ? fanfiction ! > < ? writers ! > diaryreviews.diaryland.com NYC Bloggers Comments by Haloscan.com all links, if I haven't screwed up somehow, should open in a new browser window

01.09.03 - 10:28 a.m. Or maybe I need Hermione's hip flask full of Absolut. Not sure. More answers to comments: Jim answered my Aragorn questions: (checks appendices) Aragorn was born in Third Age 2931, which makes him 87 when he meets up with Frodo and the lads. Denethor, incidentally, was born in 2930, so Aragorn is literally old enough to be Boromir's father. Take that for what you will. Man, no wonder they worried when they cast (Whoever it was that got kicked before they brought Viggo in. I'm blanking on it), that they'd cast too young. I can just imagine some Leo DiCaprio type. ::snicker:: And I'm not giving PJ et al. enough credit, because with minor exceptions, they did a wonderful job. But damn, Aragorn is spry, eh? That Numenorean bloodline kicks *ass*. Úgluk was the leader of the Uruk-hai -- Grishnakh was the leader of the Mordor orcs that were along for the ride. In the books, anyway. Úgluk! That was his name. And you're right. I have them backwards. I can understand why the scene wasn't included, though it would have shown Merry to be far more clever than he'd previously appeared (he really is quite smart in the book; this is not my new Dominic Monaghan love rearing its head. Also, I always type out his full name because to me, "Dom" is my brother, and you can see why gushing over somebody of that name might ... disturb me a little), which would have been nice. And Scott chimed in with: Another interesting touch that is lost to the movie version because of the changed Elrond/Aragorn relationship: Aragorn was taken to Rivendell when he was two, after his father's death (2933). Bilbo passed through Rivendell twice during his adventures in "The Hobbit" in 2941-2942. Aragorn was there, and old enough to have remembered seeing him. I always wondered if Aragorn mentioned it to him years later, when they became friends after Bilbo's departure from the Shire. Ooh, that's an interesting idea. And didn't Bilbo give Aragorn one of his nicknames? Wait - no - Bilbo wrote the poem: All that is gold does not glitter Not all those who wander are lost The old that is strong does not wither Deep roots are not touched by the frost From the ashes a fire shall be woken, Alight from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken: The crownless again shall be king. Yeah, I'm still wanking about LotR. Probably until RotK comes out, and for a year after *that*. With a break in May for X2 and Matrix 2 wanking. 'Cause I'm a woman of many splendors.* And I'm still *bored*. Bored with all my fic. Maybe I need a kick in the ass. Maybe I need to go back to something long forgotten, instead of shiny and new. Or maybe I need Hermione's hip flask full of Absolut. Not sure. *to paraphrase the splendiferous Meldrick Lewis. ~victoria link [current mood: bored, silly] [current music: Running Down a Dream - Tom Petty] [random quote: tricksy hobbitses...] ~*~ 01.09.03 - 12:09 a.m. ennui and feedback Can boredom be a symptom of PMS? Because I am painfully afflicted with ennui at the moment. All day, really. Te gives her last word on the feedback debate that's currently ongoing. She writes: To use an analogy whose subtextual ickiness I'm *fully* aware of and use for a reason: the story is the gift. My feedback is the thank-you note. End of transaction. And if that works for her, more power to her. My take is completely opposite. I'm going to write whether I get feedback or not. My stories aren't gifts, they're necessity to me. If other people like 'em, that's great. I love feedback. But I'm going to write regardless. So no, I don't like the "my stories are gifts to you" analogy, because that's a damned selfish gift for me to give you something I was going to do anyway. To *me*, feedback is a gift; it's not obligatory, and therefore, when someone takes time out to send some, I view that as a gift, and I send a thank you note. Sometimes I fall a bit behind, but I always do it. And I find it a sign of graciousness on the part of a writer who does send me a note in response to feedback I've sent them. Just my opinion. I'm sure you have yours. ~victoria link [current mood: bored] [current music: while my guitar gently weeps] [random quote: Hypocrisy ... is only bad when it is improperly used. ~George Bernard Shaw] ~*~ 01.08.03 - 3:19 p.m. zzzz.... So bored. Can't settle down. POssibly afternoon coffee was a bad idea. Crap. Oh, here are some movie quotes I forgot to include on my list the other day - movie quotes actually used in conversation: "There's no crying in baseball!" "LeFou, I'm afraid I've been thinking." "A dangerous pastime." "I know." "You don't know or you don't care?" "Pick one." "Hey, hey, it's me." "Prove it." "You're a dick." "Okay." "I've been, uh, working out." "I'm... batman!" "Where does he get those wonderful toys?" "My, what an incredible smell you've discovered." "Get out of my way, you walking carpet." "Trust your feelings, Luke." "Luke, I am your father." "Of all the gin joints in all the world, she hadda walk into mine." "We'll always have Paris." "This could be the start of a beautiful friendship." "What did the first shepherd say to the second shepherd? Let's get the flock outta here." "Snakes. Why'd it have to be snakes?" "Claire. That's a fat girl name." "Mac, we're boned." "They're cans, miss! Cans!" "Love the suit, senator." "Let the Wookiee win." "It's a madhouse. A MADHOUSE!" "Get your hands off me, you damn dirty ape!" "Make it so." "So let it be written, so let it be done." If we included television quotes, I could do pages and pages - my quotes file is about 28 pages long, but I'll save that for another day. Still bored. Sigh. ~victoria link [current mood: so bored] [current music: I Love Rock'n'Roll - Joan Jett and the Blackhearts] [random quote: I'm advertising love for free so you can place your ad with me] ~*~ 01.08.03 - 11:47 a.m. Of *course* I'm in love with you. What the hell was I thinking? Okay, so I have developed this theory as to why I ship the ships I ship. (Say that five times fast.) It's been pointed out to me many times that the relationships I prefer in my fanfic (and in canon), are read by many as sibling-like or best-friends-like. Josh/Donna. Mal/Kaylee. Wolverine/Rogue. Even Xander/Willow. And this goes all the way back to Jo/Laurie. And my stunning realization the other night as I couldn't sleep (yes, insomnia leads to fanfic thoughts. Always.), is that these types of relationships most closely mirror my own romantic relationships. I meet a guy, have a small crush, get to know them, and the initial, shallow crush passes. Years go by, we become close friends, and suddenly, one day, I'm bowled over by how much I'm attracted to and quite possibly in love with said friend. This, of course, usually happens long after we've entered the 'just-friends zone', and makes me miserable, but on a handful of occasions, it's turned out that the guy has had the same sort of revelation in the same time span, and this was of the good. It's a very "When Harry Met Sally" vibe, of being so close with someone that all of a sudden it hits you that, "Of *course* I'm in love with you. What the hell was I thinking?" As for the sibling-y vibe, I have also had crushes on my older brother's friends over the years, who sort of took me on as a younger sister, and then, in my late teens/early twenties, that changed into a more... adult/romantic type of thing. Since it's been my experience that these relationships can and do happen, and I've had a lot less success with the 'meet/date/fall in love' paradigm that seems normal to so many other people, it's the relationship path I most crave for myself, and therefore the one I most often explore in my fiction. And now that all y'all know way too much about me and my romantic leanings, I'll be quiet. Except to repeat what I've been told, that Gary Oldman is in talks to play Sirius Black in PoA. I'm not sure I'm thrilled with that, but it's not sucktacular. I had something else I wanted to say, but it slithered out of my brain while I was trying to be clever. ~victoria link [current mood: thoughtful] [current music: London Calling] [random quote: the ice age is coming the sun's zooming in nuclear terror, but I have no fear. London is burning but I, I live by the river] ~*~ 01.07.03 - 11:45 p.m. on baths and Bagenders So I've been taking baths lately instead of showers, because I've got all this bath stuff and it's accumulating and soon there won't be any room for me in the bathroom if I don't start using some of it, and I've decided that I still like showers better. The bubbles are nice, but unless the tub is really big, it's just never really comfortable. And I'm not that tall, so... Anyhow, some linkage for youse: In honor of JRRT's eleventy-first birthday, there's a new installment of Bagenders up, featuring a Classical theme. And Bethy pointed me at some great Han Solo fic, which made me a happy, happy Han fangirl today. He was my first fictional boyfriend, you know. I read all those Han and Chewie novels when I was a kid. Anyway, "The Arandu Series" is excellent. Highly recommended. And an insta-rec. Freshman Orientation by Punk. Yeah, not only did I actually read a fic the day it landed in my mailbox, I really, really liked it. There was new Buffy tonight, which I liked. spoilery thoughts up in the LJ. ~victoria link [current mood: good] [current music: the hum of my laptop] [random quote: Two men enter, one man leaves.] ~*~ 01.07.03 - 3:56 p.m. Give me two people talking, fighting or fucking, and I'm fine More Hr/D. hide the children, 'cause it's a wee bit naughty. *** The night after her fight with Ron, Malfoy appeared in her room -- dirty, clothes torn, usually perfect hair mussed and lank. He straddled her, hand over her mouth. "Don't say a word, Granger." His voice was rough, and for the first time in their long acquaintance, she actually feared him. "They've taken Weasley," he said. "He's at the Manor." She bucked her hips and bit his hand, but he was stronger. "I always knew you'd like it rough," he muttered, and she struggled under him with renewed vigor. He Disapparated, leaving her gasping in fear. A phone call to Harry (modern electronics proved safer on many occasions than traditional wizardly communications, as most of the Death Eaters looked with disdain on Muggle technology) confirmed what Malfoy had told her. Ron was in the hands of the enemy. What she didn't understand, and most definitely didn't share with Harry, was how she'd gotten the news. Three days passed before she saw Draco again. Once again, he Apparated into her bedroom, late at night. She threw the covers off and jumped up before he could pin her to the bed. "Tell me something, Granger," he said. "Weasley's not talking, and if I don't have some information to give them, they'll kill him." "What do you care?" He shrugged casually, elegantly. "I don't." But his presence told her that was false. She needed to think, and found that his nearness befuddled her. "But I thought you might," he said in that lazy drawl she hated so much. "After all, aren't you supposed to be in love with him?" His voice dripped with scorn. "What do you know about love, Malfoy?" She matched his tone; years of dislike had hardened into enmity, so it wasn't difficult. He closed the distance between them in two strides, grabbing her wrist and pulling her close. "Enough to know I could make you forget him if I wanted to." He took her chin in a bruising grip and raised her face to his. Then he pushed her away. "But I don't want to." She was close enough to him for his body to belie his words. Emboldened by desperation, she ground her hips against him. "Liar." His smile was wicked, knowing, and his eyes glinted silver in the moonlight. He slid one hand around her waist, pressing her to him. The other he threaded through her hair, cradling her skull. He kissed her, the slightest brush of his lips against hers, sending a shock of electricity through her body. She gasped. Mouth against her cheek, warm breath making her shiver, he whispered, "Tell me something I can use, Granger, and I'll make it worth your while." Her mind raced with ideas -- lies she could tell, false plans she could reveal -- anything to save Ron. Draco's lips slid along her neck, finding the sensitive skin at the base of her throat. She let her head fall back; it wasn't difficult to feign desire -- blood coursed through her veins like molten metal, hot and heavy, and she whimpered. His hand, warmer and stronger than expected, caressed her leg, fingers stroking up and up, tangling in the thatch of hair at the juncture of her thighs. "God." The word burst from her, outside of her control. Control. She had to stay in control. She tried to focus, but Malfoy was skilled, teasing her clit with his thumb as his fingers curled up inside her. She imagined Ron's face, Ron's hands. Anything to save Ron. "Lupin," she gasped into his ear. "Lupin's gone out of the country. He's in Macedonia, trying to capture Black. Harry's alone." The first lie. Draco kissed her, his tongue hard and slick in her mouth, and she came against his hand. He let her fall, limp, onto the bed, and licked his fingers. "Interesting," he drawled, and disappeared. And so it began. *** You know what's sad? The fact that I have NO CLUE how this war would be conducted. I mean, what the hell kind of (mis)information can I have Hermione passing on when I have no idea what they're doing. I mean, sure, she plays it like Black is still in hiding and a bad guy, and that Lupin is out to catch him, but what does that *mean*? I have no idea. The war is of no interest to me. I'll leave stuff like that to the professionals. But I need this to have some semblance of plausibility. Sigh. So that needs working on. I hate not having my guys around to bounce ideas off of. But I know better than to bring up HP fic again. ::shudders:: No, don't want to go through that again. Anyhow, that's how my mind works. I can imagine Hermione willfully turning herself into some sort of reverse Mata Hari and Draco being well... I won't reveal Draco's motives yet, but they're not quite what they seem, but for the life of me I can't imagine an interesting way for wizards to make war on each other that would necessitate covert ops and misinformation, etc. This is why I suck at plotting. Give me two people talking, fighting or fucking, and I'm fine. Ask me for the 'big picture' and I'll look at you funny. ~victoria link [current mood: creative] [current music: more than a feeling - boston, god help us all] [random quote: \"Waiter, will you serve the nuts? I mean, will you serve the guests the nuts?\" Nora Charles, The Thin Man] ~*~ 01.07.03 - 10:35 a.m. comments and questions and motivations Dude, I couldn't sleep last night, so I started thinking about Draco's motives, and I came up with something relatively plausible. I think. You know those 3am in the dark thoughts are often unusable once daylight hits. I mean, I had this whole interrogation scene planned, with Draco tied to a chair and Hermione belting him and it was a little too melodramatic even for me. I don't think I really *want* him babbling on about his motives after she drugs doses him with Veritaserum. I mean, as long as *I* know why he's doing it, that's what matters. That's what makes me able to write the rest of the story. Though it was a damn cool moment when she punches him. Because it totally defied predictability at that point, because he's tied up and she's a good guy and.... Anyhow, I think I may have broken the code on that story; now it's just a matter of getting it down on paper, which is always the hardest part. As for the Legolas/Aragorn/Eowyn, I have a feeling the PWP may not contain much porn, or plot. Sigh. It may also wind up being voyeurism. Not sure. I'm still trying to work the idea out in my head, and so far it's not working. I think I'm still a little too caught up in the book version of the Elves, and their more... austere sexuality. Watched "Fellowship of the Cast" again last night, and dear god, could Sean Bean be any more adorable? Though that hair cut is a disaster. On the Josh/Donna front, I'm still contemplating. Because Josh has to do something Josh-like, and yet still sweet, to win forgiveness. He has to tell Amy he's not going along with the plan and she can take her legs that go all the way to the floor and walk away if she won't relent. And Toby and CJ have to make merciless fun of him. Then maybe we can get back to Donna, inside whose head I feel much more comfortable. Oh, I said I'd be answering comments, so here's one from Corinna: I wrote, when listing my current WIPs: unnamed Chloe and Lex save the world while Clark is on vacation fic. With a Ticklike villain. I mean, the villain isn't like the Tick, but like a villain the Tick would fight. Something about Fashion Disasters or something. Obviously a broad comedy and Corinna responded: Oh my goodness. You MUST write this. I loved your passing mention of the Tick-inspired evil gingerbread men, and I'd love to see you really take one on. Or, if you don't write it, give the idea to a good home! (cough, wink) Now see, this is one idea I would love to see brought to fruition, and I'd really love to write it, so I'm hoping I get struck by some sort of opening sentence. If a few weeks pass and I've still got nothing but the idea, I will email you and let you run with it. Because I'm never certain of my comedy writing skills in the first place, and this story really needs to be written. If only to see Lex forced into wearing plaid knickers and a tam o'shanter by the villain, and having that be the last straw. ::snickers:: Medie and Meret both commented favorably upon the J/D WIP at various points, and I thank you muchly. I'm having a lot of fun on that story, and as I posted to zendom recently, Aaron Sorkin's nastiness towards his fans is really inspiring me to write WW fic, because while AS may be very talented (though not, perhaps, as talented as he thinks, given his penchant for recycling his own material after a very short period of time), but he's also a prick. Regarding LotR, Fyrdrakken wrote: Regarding Narsil/Anduril, since they blew off having the big production of it being reforged in Rivendell before they set out, I have a suspicion that if the Grey Company of the Dunedain (quite possibly with Arwen) show up in RotK, they'll bring it with them. Having shown off the shards of the Sword That Was Broken, its reforging *requires* being pointed out to the viewer. I completely agree with this, and now I'm wondering if I imagined the scene in the extended version of FotR where Elrond tells Aragorn that the skill of the Elves might have reforged the Sword, but it's his decision to wield it. And Aragorn replies that he doesn't want the power. I mean, I know the scene is there, by Aragorn's mother's (whose name I cannot recall) grave. I'm just wondering if that was supposed to be when Aragorn belts on Anduril. (Speaking of Aragorn belting on gear, I love that Sean Bean points out that Aragorn takes Boromir's gloves and straps them on after Boromir's death. I *knew* it couldn't be the Horn of Gondor [no jokes, please], because well, even though it's not in TTT, Faramir says that the Horn was cloven in two and Denethor sits with it in his lap in Minas Tirith, mourning his eldest son. But one, I think it's totally cool that Aragorn does it as a remembrance of his fallen 'brother', and two, I think it's even cooler that VM added that himself.) BEcause if it is, it's kind of a non-starter, considering how important the sword is. Of course, they didn't use the "I will not leave Anduril" line at Edoras, so I'm guessing he doesn't get it until RotK, as you say. More Fyr: So the Elfstone -- if it's an actual stone at all, rather than a nickname of some sort, given that Galadriel called him that -- may also show up in RotK well, in the books it is an actual stone - Galadriel pins him with it - as well as his Kingly name. Aragorn has had numerous names - Estel, Thorongil (I think - isn't that how Denethor knew him as a child? And how old *is* Aragorn anyway? Boromir is allegedly in his 40s, and Aragorn's quite a bit older than that...), Strider (and Longshanks), Aragorn, and lastly Elessar. Honestly, I can't wait for the extended edition of TTT. I can skip the scenes that go on too long and there will be new stuff added that will be very cool, I hope. I still miss the whole Merry and Pippin trick the orcs business, with the "precious, gollum" bit. And the leader of the Uruk-hai was Grishnakh, but what the hell was the other guy's name? I can't remember and it's driving me *nuts*. ~victoria link [current mood: thoughtful] [current music: Should I Stay or Should I Go? - the Clash] [random quote: \"I have a bad feelng about this.\"] ~*~ 01.06.03 - 12:25 p.m. Ego Fiesta: Check Yourself Before You Rec Yourself Glass_Onion is currently having a Recs Fiesta, wherein list members post lists of recs from any fandom/time/etc. and explain why they love the stories they recommend. The only rule is that you can't recommend yourself. Well, you know I have an ego the size of Texas, and I'm bitter about the lack of recs my stories get. I mean, yes there are a couple of people who recommend me fairly often (Hi Jenn. Hi Hope.), but mostly I feel like I'm drifting along, unread and unrecced. So dammit, I like me, I'm a good writer, and I think I deserve a whole damn page of recommendations devoted to me. Therefore, I'm listing here the top 17 of my stories that You Should Read. Considering I've written about 195 stories (including co-writes and metafic), I'd say that recommending less than 10% shows just the right amount of ego. Though I could throw in two bonuses for the full on egoism of which you know I'm most certainly capable. These are in chronological order (except for the two honorable mentions at the end to bring the total to 19). The Best-Laid Plans Because my Rogue-voice is *on*, everyone's in character, and it's just fun. Plus, one of the first Cool!Scott fics in movieverse The Soiled Dove The X-Men do LA Confidential. It's probably my best plotted story to date, and it *works* - the plot, the characterization, the setting, and I think even though it's Elseworlds, everybody manages to be damn close to canon. A Harbor in the Tempest The X-Men do Casablanca. Read it to see how the famous dialogue gets put into the mouths of your favorite X-Men characters. And because I did some of my best descriptive writing in the flashback passages. In the Service of the Queen Angel and Co. take on the Faerie Queen in my take on Tamlane. I think this works as a good episode-like fic, and I had fun writing it. Love Will Tear Us Apart it's part of a series, but you can get everything you need from this one story. I think it's probably my best take on the L/J/R/S situation, as nobody is without blame and each character is treated even-handedly. Chasing the Blast Because I think it's oh-so-plausible, and it really strikes me as a good evocation of how alike Logan and Rogue are. A Thousand Words I take on Kitty Pryde and I hope I do her justice. Some of my best writing here. Root Beer Reverie Probably the closest I've come to articulating my response to 9/11, I think this works as a story of grief, and again, the writing is lean and sharp. The Very Sickness of My Heart Rogue goes mad and Vic goes Faulkner. I like it. I think it works very well, and I worked hard on it. Caveat Emptor I think it should be a seminal Smallville fic, even if no one else does. No false modesty - I really like this scenario for the rift - both men are formed by their fathers, and their inability to communicate honestly dooms them to enmity. How's that for a pretentious description? *g* Jim Morrison's Dead I fool around with noir again, and though the plot takes a back seat to the relationship, it's supposed to be some kind of metaphor for how little we know the people we love, and how little we know about how to connect and how those connections fail. Cicatrix I have a soft spot for this vignette, because I think it captures everything I love about the L/R relationship in very few words. Night of the Dead Living Just because I love Rogue giving Munch's speech, and the image of Logan tackling Santa. Childish Things This idea just wouldn't go away, and it's one of the rare times the story in my head matched the story that wound up on the page. Obi-Wan really is that willfully blind sometimes, isn't he? Comfortador My Xander in a couple hundred words. Best Xander I've written. The Language of Goodbye Probably the best thing I've written overall. Even with the horrid second person POV. It works. It just feels right. I don't care what anyone else thinks of this, I think you all should go read it and praise me for how right it is. ;p~ Nor Ever Chaste My contribution to the ever-growing number of Bad and Wrong Simon/River fics, I think it's absolutely possible that this happened after the closing credits of "Ariel". And the two honorable mentions go to: Thirst because I never ever thought I'd write HP fic, and certainly not a Snape POV, and I think this suits him as the nasty bully he is, even though he's a White Hat. Absolution Simply for the freakishness of me writing sympathetic Boromir! I feel like I understand him now and love him and hate that he dies and well, I think I got into his head, and that's all Sean Bean and nothing of Tolkien... /ego Now I'll go back to pretending to be a humble nobody. ~victoria link [current mood: Egotistical] [current music: Hot Legs - Rod Stewart] [random quote: \"I'm an extraordinary bitching pain in the ass.\" Beau Felton, Homicide: Life on the Street] ~*~ 01.06.03 - 9:45 a.m. More Josh/Donna More Josh/Donna. Now if I could just figure out what happens next. Sigh. *** "I said, 'If I wanted you to kiss me,' Josh. Maybe you should get your hearing checked." "Donna," he whined as she fumbled for her shoes. "Good night, Josh. Get some sleep, and we'll forget this ever happened." "You want to make sure I never get laid again. That's it, isn't it." "You keep going on like this, Josh, I'll make sure you never have the ability to get laid again." She pushed her arms through the sleeves of her coat, and left the apartment. He followed her into the hallway. "Donna! What's wrong?" She could feel her lower lip quivering and she wished she'd gone a little easier on the rum in the piña coladas. "I've spent the past four years fighting the image of the dumb blonde who slept her way into the White House, Josh," she said, turning to face him. "I've heard every comment, seen every sideways glance, and I've been able to hold my head up, because I knew I got my job because I'm good at it." "You got your job because you were crazy enough to act like you already had it," he muttered, but she ignored him. "I don't think you and Amy should be making fun of me like that. It's hurtful and, and mean. And it's a side of you I don't like very much." "She-- I -- it wasn't supposed to be mean. I mean, Amy likes you. I like you. You're one of my best friends and--" "Then act like it, Josh. And stop talking. I'm going home now." "Let me drive you." "I can take the Metro." "Don't be ridiculous. It's freezing out." "Be quiet." She thought about the train ride and relented. "And call me a cab." They stood out on the stoop while she waited for the cab. She kept quiet, though, hoping her silence would show him how hurt she was. She got into the cab and brooded the whole ride home. *** Josh sat on the couch after she was gone and considered his options. The Dating Plan was the stupidest thing he'd ever heard of, and that was saying something, considering some of the doozies he and Sam had come up with over the years. It was also hurtful to Donna, which he should have realized. Of course, he was never great at considering other people's feelings. Donna had told him time and again he had all the sensitivity of a block of wood, but he generally did all right where she was concerned. Well, there was that time with the red dress, but he blamed that on the PTSD. And the flowers on their anniversary-- He stopped himself from running through the litany of times he'd fallen short or screwed up. She usually forgave him quickly, even if she didn't forget. But he had a feeling this time was different. Because this time, he'd put his own selfish desire to get laid, to please Amy, ahead of Donna's feelings. He hadn't realized she'd known about the rumors, though he cursed himself for being stupid when he thought about it. Of course, she'd known. He hated that he'd made her feel like something less, someone to be used. He was definitely going to have to come up with a good apology. And he was going to have to tell Amy that the Dating Plan was a bust. With that, he went to bed. He had an early meeting with Toby in the morning. *** See! Smarter and nicer than Casey. Possibly also going to get a tongue lashing from Toby when he confesses what happened. And then one from CJ as well. *g* Now maybe I can figure out what the hell's going on with Hermione and Draco. Sigh. ~victoria link [current mood: okay] [current music: Magic Man - Heart] [random quote: come on home, he said with a smile, you don't have to love me, we can just get high awhile] ~*~ 01.05.03 - 10:27 p.m. well, it's very purply and I love it. I reek of popcorn and despair. Sigh. But I do have my new purple cotton jersey sheets on the bed, and my new furry purple shag rug (it looks like Sully, only purple instead of blue *g*), and my black and purple comforter and my dark purple polartec slippers and... well, it's very purply and I love it. I also popped the popcorn in my new, tiny microwave, that frees up a strip of counter space about three inches deep and eighteen inches wide. this makes me happy, too. And it was a new Alias tonight, that rocked (details forthcoming in the LJ sometime tonight), and I used the Jack Froth bath thingy from Lush, but... None of it makes up for the Giants losing. Sigh. I've picked up My Name Is Red again. But it was too hard to follow while watching football, so I went into one of the Bins of Unread Books and pulled out... ::drumroll:: The History of Our World Beyond the Wave by R.E. Klein. It's a fantasy about a big tidal wave overcoming the world and what happens to certain people afterwards. Kinda like Waterworld I guess, except I never saw that, 'cause Kevin Costner drinking his own [fake] pee? Eww. I don't care if the Fremen did it in Dune. It was gross then and it's gross now. And I hated Dune, anyway. The book. The movie was too laughably bad to hate. I couldn't watch more than 10 minutes of it without acute pain. But I digress... Anyhow, I started the book and it's kinda cool. It also contains one of those speeches. You know - the kind I adore (see this entry), very close to the beginning. That always gives me a happy. So without further ado, I reproduce it for you, as I think it's very cool: "The world is full of foreshadowings, of adumbrations and premonitions, of ghostly haunts and visitations -- but no one takes them seriously. They're all pressed down, veneered, overlaid by the little lightbulbs and broad paved highways and wires that talk and tell people that existence is the accumulation of artificial lights and concrete highways and wires tingling with electricity. And people believe and feel safe and live sterile lives and lose the ability to think beyond man-made trash. But a big wave comes that washes away all the paved roads and shatters all the lightbulbs, and the wires are silent, and the people are drowned. And the veneer dissolves like paste, and all the ghostly underpinnings rise to the surface, and you can't dispel them with bright lights, because you haven't got any; and you can't outrun them on your highways, because the highways are under water; and you can't talk them away with copper wires, because the electricity is gone. "Soon you realize that the old-fashioned eerie beliefs are the real things, and all our boastful contrivances so much rubbish, and that you and everyone else have been hiding behind them, not so much because of the ghouls and the ghosts and the whole entourage of the twilight, but because you have been most terribly afraid of God. "Hear me, that precious wave of ours has scoured this planet clean to the lithosphere, rinsing away all the drift and drabble and nasty little headachy things that drive men mad. No more income tax, inflation, and nagging uncertainties. No more lawyers, social workers and corporate executives. Hereafter, people will live in a big way." (p. 34-35, The History of Our World Beyond the Wave, R.E. Klein) Ain't that kinda cool? Especially in juxtaposition with all the "God is in electricity" speeches I read through in City of Light. In other news, I've got two entries up on my dislike of the term "non-con", along with my definitions of 'het', 'slash' and 'romance' in fanfiction terms, and my big discomfort with hurt/comfort as a genre, and my loathing of the 'rape as a love story' stories. here and here. Now I should try to get back to writing, but my head is all over the place. ~victoria link [current mood: depressed] [current music: silence] [random quote: \"You are so full of hate and loathing. Can I just tell you, I love it.\" Lorelai, Gilmore Girls] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. If you do not like or agree with the contents herein, or find them to be offensive on more than one occasion, please go elsewhere and don't come back. Management is not responsible for any adverse reactions to content within. The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme. The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney. This site is best viewed with IE4+ | 1024x768 | true color | verdana | tables