a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content achromatic unfinished fic graveyard recs journal new stuff recent stuff my back pages January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 the five Ws, or, all about me profile e-mail victoria my livejournal the original P&R comments current mood: "pathological and unbalanced" Items of Interest People LiveJournal folks Baraita bishclone claritylit Jintian Kat Allison Kit Mason metablog mix-tapes Neil Gaiman Nestra Sarah T. Seema Shrift Sundry Mourning zendom Music Walk On - U2 Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet Town Called Malice - The Jam One - U2 The Space Between - DMB Books Lord of the Rings Catch-22 The Neely Trilogy Absalom! Absalom! Possession: A Romance Foucault's Pendulum Dreamhouse LA Confidential I Capture the Castle Sandman Waking the Moon Shows Angel Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns) Alias West Wing The Simpsons webrings < ? fanfiction ! > < ? writers ! > diaryreviews.diaryland.com NYC Bloggers Comments by Haloscan.com all links, if I haven't screwed up somehow, should open in a new browser window

01.17.03 - 10:18 p.m. Salve Patricia Salve! Patricia is a genius! (read the comments for the entry below this one to see why). But of course! Some sort of slick, sweet-smelling Elvish salve that Legolas would naturally have and need to -ahem- apply to Aragorn's wounds would work perfectly as lube. And it'd be all natural and healthy too. *snicker* You know, I have a lot of thoughts about why this sex scene is giving me so much trouble, and most of them have to do with Elves, Tolkien, slash, dominance, hierarchy, and anal sex with women. And after the fic is finished and posted, maybe I'll ramble about all that, because it would explain the choices I've made, if anyone who reads the thing feels a need to wonder why I've made the choices I've made. My hands are freezing. I am officially sick of winter and I want spring, like, NOW. I went to the doctor, and even though I gained ::mumblety:: pounds over the holidays, he was very happy with me. I am in spanking good health. Go me! In other news, have you seen that commercial for that Jeff Goldblum movie - War Stories or whatever? And they use "Gimme Shelter" (possibly the greatest rock song of all time) in the commercial, and there are soldiers and helicopters and stuff? Well, I have had that image in my head for ages. I don't know if I happened to have seen some footage of Altamont, or if someone used "Gimme Shelter" in a Vietnam movie, but I have always had this image of men in fatigues and helicopters and cops in riot gear and such whenever I hear the song, which I lurve... So yeah, either the Stones tapped into some archetypal rioting soundtrack with that song, or I saw it used that way somewhere a long, long time ago and internalized the imagery without realizing it. And now I must return to Helm's Deep, to ensure a healthy supply of slick Elvish salve so that Legolas can have fun too. ~victoria link [current mood: cold] [current music: Cochise - Audioslave (highly recommend this cd, btw)] [random quote: This ain't about regret My conscience can't be found This time I won't repent Somebody's going down] ~*~ 01.17.03 - 12:25 p.m. I don't suppose it'd work if Legolas just *happened* to have a tube of Astroglide in his pocket, eh? Just got the betas back on the LAE fic and whew... not bad at all. I'm always fearful of smut betas, because gah... I can't tell if it's hot. I can't even tell if all the parts are in the right places half the time, especially when writing without being explicit. Throw the Elf and my reservations about Elf-sex into the mix and well... it could have been so much more painful. Speaking of painful, I don't suppose it'd work if Legolas just *happened* to have a tube of Astroglide in his pocket, eh? I knew I was forgetting something last night, but the thing is? When you're still not sure if there's actual anal sex or just frottage going on, and it's 1 am, something is bound to be left out, and ::mea culpa, mea maxima culpa:: I forgot the lube. Sigh. Stupid lube. I suppose they could use Legolas' Nancyboy hair gel, huh, or the Pantene Pro-V I'm sure he's got in his pack? Speaking of which - Legolas' hair, I mean, not lube - one of the only canon items we know about Elvish sexuality is that they find long, beautiful hair a turn-on (I think a beautiful voice is the other thing that's a big turn-on. So Legolas is even *more* of a freak, because Aragorn? Gimli? I love the boys, but they don't fit Elvish notions of beauty/sexy much, do they? And Arwen must only see Aragorn when he's clean and shaved.), which would explain all the long beautiful hair we see in the films. But you recall that Orcs are dark Elves (moriquendi) tortured and well, mutated, by Morgoth back in the first age. So that's why they have pointy ears. But did you notice that the Uruk-hai have long flowing, dirty dark hair? I *still* want to know how Saruman bred the Uruk-hai, because I thought 'orc' was synonymous with 'goblin' and yet we're told he's crossed orcs with goblin men, which not only implies that there are goblin women, but that orcs and goblins are two different species. Or maybe just races? And yet, we see the Uruk-hai being birthed from the *earth*, not from any bipedal, orc-like female's womb. /tan The Uruks have the long flowy hair - they are the complete antithesis of the Elves. Which anyone who's read the books more than once already knows, but it was brought home to me *visually* last night when I watched the second half of FotR. And for the first time, I got weepy over Gandalf. See, since I knew he wasn't really dead, I didn't get upset for him the first few times. But this time, watching Sir Ian play Gandalf's resignation and fear of going into Moria, of knowing what he's going to face... yeah, I felt it. Got a little weepy. Which of course meant I was primed to bawl for Boromir, and did, like a baby. I started crying at "Don't carry the dead as well" and basically sniffled on and off until he tries to take the ring, at which point I lost it completely. Which might also be delayed reaction to Wednesday's WW, during which I didn't really let myself go. I cried a little, but stopped before it could get out of hand. Because often when I cry, I feel like I'm never going to stop, and while afterward I feel all clean and purged, I still hate that desperate, gulping, gasping, sobbing thing. Hate. It. But yeah, for Boromir. Cried. During the spat with Aragorn. So happy they put that back in, because in the book? Aragorn was *so* going to Minas Tirith. He says it himself. Or the narration says it, anyway. So I really liked Boromir's defense of Men, and his calling Aragorn on affiliating himself more with Elves than with his own people, who need him. And that's one of the interesting things in TTT, how Aragorn begins positioning himself as a leader of Men, and not just a Ranger with a fancy background and an awful lot of names. TTT also replaces Boromir with Legolas as his foil, even more than Theoden ("you look terrible." Meanwhile, Legolas? Looks like he just stepped out of Elizabeth Arden, regardless of what he's been through. A humorous touch, also shows that Aragorn's a Man, not an Elf). Because it's Boromir who questions Aragorn's leadership in FotR (well, he questions Gandalf's too, but not quite as openly), while it's Legolas who gets snippy with A. in TTT. No wonder he keeps going back to Arwen. She upbraids him but does it sweetly, while Legolas and Boromir do it in front of the children. the help. other members of the Fellowship/soldiers. And wow, we've come a fair way from the sad lack of Astroglide in the halls of Helm's Deep... ~victoria link [current mood: silly] [current music: Good Times, Bad Times - Led Zeppelin (always appropriate when discussing Tolkien)] [random quote: good times, bad times, you know I've had my share...] ~*~ 01.17.03 - 1:37 a.m. Aragorn isn't Legolas' little cantaloupe of love, okay? He's just not. Because it's just too funny not to repeat, Aragorn isn't Legolas' little cantaloupe of love, okay? He's just not. You know things are bad when you're quoting yourself, but goddammit, I can't believe that melon is the word for "beloved" in Sindarin Elvish. Friend is mellon (and for years I thought it was mellor for some reason. I wonder why, and also why random words of Elvish have stayed with me, but even with five years of classes, I can't form a complete sentence in Italian, or at least not one more complex than Non ho capito la domanda or Andiamo al cinema lunedi or Dov'é il bagno?) and lover is melon and it's all too subtle and tricksy for me. Poor Éowyn is realizing that this was a one-time only deal and now she's got to go down into the caves with the women while her erstwhile lovers get to go kill yrch. Legolas, being the courtly lover he is, is cleaning her up, while Aragorn is putting himself back together in all his torn and dirty glory. And ... whoosh... off it goes to the beta readers, who will, I hope, be willing to entertain the overly romantic depiction of a threesome, and the absolute impossibility that Eowyn joined Aragorn and Legolas for their quickie before the battle at Helm's Deep. And I go to bed. ~victoria link [current mood: silly, sleepy] [current music: the gurgling of the heat] [random quote: some people call me the space cowboy, some call me the Pompatus of Love] ~*~ 01.16.03 - 12:19 p.m. Fun with Draco Malfoy So, whenever I'm impressed with my own wit and cleverness, the universe does something to smack me upside the head. Last night I was AIMing with Bethy and telling her how much fun I was having with Draco, and I showed her a bit of the D/Hr dialogue that makes me giggle like a hyena on nitrous. And she said, "He sounds like Spike." Not exactly up there with Newton's apple, but enough to make me realize that of course he does. And he shouldn't really. So that solves that problem. This bit won't appear in the fic, or it will, but in some sort of edited form. But it still makes me laugh. Hermione asks Draco why he did what he did, and this is what he says: [Hermione says:] "You don't-- you don't have *feelings* for me, do you?" He laughed. He laughed so hard and for so long that she thought he'd pass out from lack of air. "This wasn't about *you*, Granger. It was never about you." "But--" He began pacing the room. "It wasn't about Potter, either, despite what he likes to think. And people call *me* narcissistic. Well, I guess they'd be right on this one. It was about *me*, Granger. About getting away from those bloody lunatics who call themselves my parents." "But you-- the Death Eaters--" Her brain started processing his words. "I'm not cut out to be a lackey, and that's all I'd ever be, hanging around the manor with my father and Voldemort. They're insane. Ridiculous! "Sure, who *doesn't* want absolute power? But it ought to come with some perks. Moldy dungeons, an army of vacant bootlickers and half of my so-called friends trying to kill me are not high on my list of creature comforts." "The whole thing was a plot," she said. He nodded. "To get me the hell out of England, and away from my family." He laughed again. "It was about me, love. It was *always* about me." *** I don't know why I find that so hilarious, but I do. Of course, aside from sounding like Spike, he's way too free with telling his motivations, and even under veritaserum (which he is in this scene), I don't think he'd do that. So out it goes. But I'm having way too much fun with this story when I'm writing the dialogue. It's like a bad translation of a telenovela, with lots of big melodramatic pronouncements and grandiose statements like, "I want my fiance back, you bastard!" Way, way too much fun. In the end, I don't know if it'll be actual HP fic, or just some strange story wherein the characters sort of resemble Hermione and Draco, but damn, I'm enjoying it. I try to rein in my melodramatic tendencies as a writer. I know, you wouldn't be able to tell from most of my work, but as much as I love big emotional revelations and loud fight scenes (I'm Italian. I come by it naturally), I tend to be drawn to writing characters who *don't*. They don't discuss emotions, they don't even admit to having feelings. So having that big emotional confrontation/confessional scene is out of character. Which sucks. But I've learned to deal with it, to try to be low-key and elliptical. Well, as much as I'm able. I think you can see the trend in my stories, that they've gone from big and loud to really quiet as time has passed. But here? Here I'm just letting all the melodrama hang out. And it's far too fun to stop, even if no one else ever reads or likes it. I'm just going to need a really strong beta to string all the pieces together, since it's written all out of order, which I hate. In other news, the elf-porn? really wearing me out, because I'm still not quite sure what Legolas is doing back there, and so neither is Éowyn. *g* I need to resolve that before I can finish the story. Sigh. Stupid Tolkien and his chaste/courtly love hang ups. I can't seem to work past those ideas in his world. ~victoria link [current mood: woozy] [current music: Little Sister - SRV] [random quote: Banish play and laughter from the bed of love and you may let in a false goddess.] ~*~ 01.15.03 - 3:53 p.m. so bored. yet again. LJ is being a bitch. I've posted comments that have not appeared, I made an entry that has not appeared. Fuckers. I am so bored. I'm writing Hr/D, I'm pondering the Elf Sex, I sent the revised lipstick fic off for beta, and I. Am. Bored. I want to go home and sleep so I can be fresh as a daisy for new Josh and West Wing tonight. ~victoria [current mood: bored. have we not established that already?] [current music: hotel california] [random quote: idle hands are the devil's workshop] ~*~ 01.15.03 - 1:07 p.m. [insert clever title here] Since my head hurts and I'm good for nothing, here are some of my favorite book quotes that have managed to work their way into my regular conversation, usually mangled to fit the situation. "Don't ever tell anybody anything. If you do, you start missing everybody." "Isn't it pretty to think so?" "So we beat on, boats against the current, borne back ceaselessly into the past." "Where are the Snowdens of yesteryear?" "The bombardier! The bombardier!" "I'm the bombardier and I'm all right!" "There is no use trying," said Alice; "one can't believe impossible things." "I dare say you haven't had much practice," said the Queen. "When I was your age, I always did it for half an hour a day. Why, sometimes I've believed as many as six impossible things before breakfast." "The time has come," the Walrus said, "To talk of many things: Of shoes--and ships--and sealing-wax-- Of cabbages--and kings-- And why the sea is boiling hot-- And whether pigs have wings." "Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven." "The mind is its own place, and in itself Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven." "All of them, all except Phineas, constructed at infinite cost to themselves these Maginot Lines against this enemy they thought they saw across the frontier, this enemy who never attacked that way -if he ever attacked at all; if he was indeed the enemy." "Tell me about the rabbits, George." "From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away." "I don't mind if you don't like my manners. I don't like them myself. They're pretty bad. I grieve over them on long winter evenings." You know, I could probably fill two or three pages just with Chandler and Hammett quotes. Add in Ellroy.... we'd be here for *days*. Here are some favorite Faulkner quotes, but they tend not to make it into conversation. *g* Though there's one I always use and always mangle and don't have here to get it exactly right, but it basically sums up the whole of Absalom, Absalom (the greatest novel ever written): "It wasn't the incest that bothered him, it was the miscegenation." And of course, "I don't hate the south. I don't." Edited to add: I just got a sudden flash of Elijah Wood as Quentin Compson. God help me, I think it works. Speaking of people's choices for 'the greatest novel ever written', here's another quote that somehow works its way into conversation, even though it never makes any sense when it does: "Call me Ishmael." I notice that, with the glaring exception of that last one, a lot of these are last lines. Hmmm... And I keep getting distracted, so I'm gonna go now. Oh! More book stuff: I found the Alcott quote on why she split Jo and Laurie. It's up in the LJ. And.... if you haven't been online all day, you may not know: Order of the Phoenix is scheduled to come out June 21, 2003. It's also longer than Goblet of Fire by a third, according to the press release (scroll up-- if you've got Netscape, you may not be able to read it, but do view source and the text is there). I need to finish this D/Hr fic before then. Heh. *g* ~victoria link [current mood: headachy] [current music: Say You love Me - Fleetwood mac] [random quote: You can't even remember what I'm trying to forget] ~*~ 01.14.03 - 10:51 p.m. GG and SV Gilmore Girls and Smallville thoughts up in the LJ. I'd hoped to have more A/L/E to share, but it wasn't to be. Gilmore Girls won out over writing. But there was no Luke/Lorelei interaction. Sigh. That depresses me. I need good L/L fic, since the show is falling down on the job there. Anyone got recs? ~victoria link [current mood: all right] [current music: Rock Lobster - B-52s] [random quote: Don't worry about the world coming to an end today. It's already tomorrow in Australia. ~Charles Schultz] ~*~ 01.14.03 - 4:56 p.m. Let go my Legolas! Hey! She stole my fantasy!. ~victoria link [current mood: giggling uncontrollably] [current music: rocks you like a hurricane!?] [random quote: I don't like crooks. And if I did like 'em, I wouldn't like crooks that are stool pigeons. And if I did like croo] ~*~ 01.14.03 - 2:01 p.m. An elf, a man and a woman get into bed... Blame DevilDoll for my not updating today until now. She *flooded* my inbox with responses to comments on LJ. Doesn't she know I'm supposed to be writing (googlers and freaks, rev your engines) Elf porn?! Which needs a few Elvish words sprinkled in, as well as a beta reader who doesn't mind completely impossible situations, like an Aragorn/Legolas/Eowyn PWP. Which we all know would NEVER HAPPEN, and certainly not in the short time between Aragorn's arrival at Helm's Deep and the big battle. But just in case it could happen, I think this is sort of how it would go (mild TTT spoilers): (Anyone got a good title idea? Right now I'm torn between "The First and Last Time" and "She Follows," but not really in love with either) Éowyn's heart sings with joy at Aragorn's safe return. Her feet move of their own volition to welcome him, only to be stopped at the sight of Legolas returning the lady's jewel to him. She turns away, tears burning in her eyes. Aragorn's heart is given; she respects that. But he is all she's dreamed of for so long -- tall, kingly, brave and skilled in the arts of war. When he and Legolas walk together to one of the smaller chambers within the keep, she follows discreetly, for reasons even she cannot explain. She is drawn to him, like iron filings to a magnet. She knows she's not the only one, and wouldn't be his chosen one -- but she follows nonetheless. She understands about the bonds between men at war together. She's lived long enough amongst the men of the Rohirrim to know that fighting side-by-side creates its own intimacy, one that women will never be able to match, even inside the bonds of marriage. When she was younger, she had often been jealous of Éomer's men, who had become even closer to him than she, the closest of bloodkin, born of the same womb. So yes, Éowyn understands that she has no place in the reunion between Aragorn and Legolas. But still she follows. They find a quiet corner in the keep, and Legolas tends to Aragorn's injuries. The Ranger removes his shirt, and Legolas runs gentle hands over his body. And then Aragorn catches Legolas' hand and brings it to his lips. They speak softly, in Elvish, and she cannot understand the words, but the tone makes her quiver. Legolas presses himself into Aragorn, shimmering golden in the torchlight, limning both men in radiance that almost blinds her. They are beautiful, dark and blond heads together, lips meeting in urgent kisses that make her stomach flutter as if she's swallowed a whole flock of moths. They turn. Aragorn uses his greater height to swing Legolas against the wall, his mouth pressed to the hollow of the Elf's neck, and Legolas sees her. She feels her face flame; while women of the Rohirrim understand the bonds between men, they must never speak of them, or behave as if they know. She has been caught, and she fears they will punish her. Instead, they share a glance, and Aragorn holds out a hand to her. "There is only this," he says softly. "We ride to war, and must take comfort when it is offered, Éowyn, shieldmaiden of Rohan." She puts her hand in his, and he draws her into their embrace. Legolas is tentative, his lips on her neck warm and soft, his hand at her waist gentle. Aragorn takes her mouth with his, and fire consumes her. She has kissed and been kissed before, though not often. Her sword-arm is rightly feared, and even if it were not, Éomer is not a man any of the Rohirrim would cross. This is nothing like her past experiences. Her hands, as of their own will, tangle in Aragorn's hair, her body molds itself to his, and a whimper escapes her throat. He releases her and leans forward, capturing Legolas' lips again, and she feels the hard planes of the Elf's body behind her. Elves mate as men do, she knows, though her knowledge of them is vague. *** And my knowledge of what an elf, a man, and a woman would all be doing together in the same clinch is fairly vague. I'm thinking double penetration is out. Maybe just some heavy petting will occur. I'm not sure. Poor Legolas, I'm thinking this is his first time with a woman. ::snicker:: He'll go running back to his dwarf lover after this. Éowyn doesn't have enough facial hair for him. Also, if I ever write Smeagol/Deagol or Gollum/Frodo sex, I'm calling it Sex-a-Go-Go(llum) for DD's Fandom Nation Challenge. *snerk* Because DD fears Smeagol... gollum... Smeagol likes DD gollum wants precious... Ahem... I have to stop doing that! Oh and the possible hint of Éowyn/Éomer? You're not imagining it. As a kid, I kinda thought they'd end up together before I realized Éowyn ended up with my boyfriend. Even as a child, I saw twisted wrong relationships where the authors probably never intended me to (see Ged/Tenar shippage, which wasn't wrong, but simply freaking magically *impossible*, though I fanwank* away it by saying that down in the labyrinth, Ged's powers were weak, so maybe all of the Roke magic was weakened by the the Old Powers, and so the big old celibacy spell was on the fritz. 'Cause there was mighty hot UST between them in Tombs of Atuan. One of the sexiest books *ever*.), so yeah, this implies that maybe Éomer and Éowyn were a little closer than merely brother and sister, and also that possibly the Rohirrim were okay with buggering each other. Alexander's army of lovers and all that, right? Though I doubt JRRT subscribed to such Hellenic notions. And if I didn't think the poor man were already constantly gyrating in his grave, I'd say this post and story would do it, but nah. This is nothing compared to some of the shite I'm sure has been written regarding LotR, and I'm not referring to the sex, but its adoption by nazis and neo-nazis and wacky white supremacists, which is far worse to my eyes than positing that maybe the Fellowship were a randy bunch who spent a bit of time shagging each other while they were in mortal danger. But that's just me. I could be wrong. Oh! I forgot. If anyone wants to take a shot at betaing this, or providing some Elvish for me, I'd really appeciate it. Leave a comment or drop me a line. *fanwank as in the atbvs definition - pasting over holes in canon, rather than the (now suspended) fandom_wank definition of fans being wanky ~victoria link [current mood: naughty] [current music: Rosalita (Come Out Tonight)] [random quote: now you're sad, your mama's mad, and your papa says he knows that I don't have any money] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. If you do not like or agree with the contents herein, or find them to be offensive on more than one occasion, please go elsewhere and don't come back. Management is not responsible for any adverse reactions to content within. The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme. The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney. This site is best viewed with IE4+ | 1024x768 | true color | verdana | tables