a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content achromatic unfinished fic graveyard recs journal new stuff recent stuff my back pages January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 the five Ws, or, all about me profile e-mail victoria my livejournal the original P&R comments current mood: "pathological and unbalanced" Items of Interest People LiveJournal folks Baraita bishclone claritylit Jintian Kat Allison Kit Mason metablog mix-tapes Neil Gaiman Nestra Sarah T. Seema Shrift Sundry Mourning zendom Music Walk On - U2 Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet Town Called Malice - The Jam One - U2 The Space Between - DMB Books Lord of the Rings Catch-22 The Neely Trilogy Absalom! Absalom! Possession: A Romance Foucault's Pendulum Dreamhouse LA Confidential I Capture the Castle Sandman Waking the Moon Shows Angel Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns) Alias West Wing The Simpsons webrings < ? fanfiction ! > < ? writers ! > diaryreviews.diaryland.com NYC Bloggers Comments by Haloscan.com all links, if I haven't screwed up somehow, should open in a new browser window

01.22.03 - 12:36 p.m. I miss the kiss of treachery, the shameless kiss of vanity Pure randomness... There's fic here if I can just figure it out: The Same Deep Water as You Kiss me goodbye Pushing out before I sleep Can't you see I try Swimming the same deep water as you is hard "The shallow drowned lose less than we" You breathe The strangest twist upon your lips "And we shall be together... " "Kiss me goodbye Bow your head and join with me" And face pushed deep Reflections meet The strangest twist upon your lips And disappear The ripples clear And laughing Break against your feet And laughing Break the mirror sweet "So we shall be together... " "Kiss me goodbye" Pushing out before I sleep It's lower now and slower now The strangest twist upon your lips But I don't see And I don't feel But tightly hold up silently My hands before my fading eyes And in my eyes Your smile The very last thing before I go... Iwill kiss you I will kiss you I will kiss you forever on nights like this I will kiss you I will kiss you And we shall be together... Prayers for Rain You shatter me Your grip on me A hold on me So dull it kills You stifle me Infectious sense Of hopelessness and Prayers for rain I suffocate I breathe in dirt And nowhere shines But desolate And drab the hours all spent On killing time again All waiting for The rain You fracture me Your hands on me A touch so plain So stale it kills You strangle me Entangle me In hopelessness and Prayers for rain I deteriorate I live in dirt And nowhere glows But drearily and tired The hours all spent On killing time again All waiting for The rain Disintegration Oh I miss the kiss of treachery The shameless kiss of vanity The soft and the black and the velvety Up tight against the side of me And mouth and eyes and heart all bleed And run in thickening streams of greed As bit by bit it starts the need To just let go My party piece Oh I miss the kiss of treachery The aching kiss before I feed The stench of a love for a younger meat And the sound that it makes When it cuts in deep The holding up on bended knees The addiction of duplicities As bit by bit it starts the need To just let go My party piece But I never said I would stay to the end So I leave you with babies and hoping for frequency Screaming like this in the hope of the secrecy Screaming me over and over and over I leave you with photographs Pictures of trickery Stains on the carpet and Stains on the scenery Songs about happiness murmured in dreams When we both us knew How the ending would be... So it's all come back round to breaking apart again Breaking apart like I'm made up of glass again Making it up behind my back again Holding my breath for the fear of sleep again Holding it up behind my head again Cut in deep to the heart of the bone again Round and round and round And it's coming apart again Over and over and over Now that I know that I'm breaking to pieces I'll pull out my heart And I'll feed it to anyone Crying for sympathy Crocodiles cry for the love of the crowd And the three cheers from everyone Dropping through sky Through the glass of the roof Through the roof of your mouth Through the mouth of your eye Through the eye of the needle It's easier for me to get closer to heaven Than ever feel whole again I never said I would stay to the end I knew I would leave you with babies and everything Screaming like this in the hole of sincerity Screaming me over and over and over I leave you with photographs Pictures of trickery Stains on the carpet and Stains on the memory Songs about happiness murmured in dreams When we both of us knew How the end always is How the end always is... I totally cribbed the sound of Disintegration (the song, not the album) for a poem. I used to write bad poetry to the Cure all the time. Ahh... late adolescence... I've put up 101 fannish things about me in the LJ. It started out as 40 things, but well, I do love talking about myself. Also over on LJ, Jae Gecko has some interesting questions for writers and readers... My answers: Do writers have power over their readers? If so, what is the nature of it? The power to move them, to make them think, to make them want to change the world, or themselves. When you're reading fiction, do you ever feel (successfully) manipulated into feeling or experiencing something? If so, does the experience affect the choices you make when it's you who's doing the writing? Yes, and while I can admire a skillful manipulation of emotion, if it's too overt, I resent and loathe it. I try to keep those feelings in mind as a writer and not do that in my own writing. Emotional payoff should come out of the story, not out of the writers machinations to elicit that emotion through cheap tricks. Do writers have a responsibility to their readers? If so, what is the nature of it? Yes. To provide the best story one possibly can. *** Last night I wrote briefly about why I still keep both a diary and an LJ. Honeslty, I got the LJ originally so I wouldn't be anonymous when I commented, and for the pretty icons. I still feel like it's the place for random nonsense, quizzes, spamming when I'm bored... stuff like that. I generally keep the deeper, more thoughtful stuff over here. Because the format seems more suited to it. I love my diary. I loved the old blue and gold design, and I love this soothing spring-like design. The only thing I find less than pleasing is how people don't leave comments over here. So if I want interactivity, I tend to post to the LJ. I also use it for spoilery posts, because of the lj-cut tag. Also, I feel like the LJ is more visible, so if I'm pimping, even if I post it here, I'll always post a link there, as well, because more people will read their friends page than click on a link to come here. And somehow, that's part of the appeal. I know I'm still getting a lot of hits on this diary, and as it turns up as a result on some interesting things on Google, I probably will for as long as I keep it up. I feel like I can be freer here, more thoughtful, more serious. I feel like it's a better place to post WsIP, because even though you'd think the LJ would be better (more comments), I find that my WsIP don't get much commentary, and I feel safer here than there. I feel more in control here, and if you're reading this diary, it's because you clicked to get here, not because it popped up on your F2 page, so you have an interest in being here. Also, diaryland is far less irritating than LJ with the downtime and fluky behavior (waits for this entry to get messed up now). So basically, the purposes aren't that different, but the feel is, and since I'm paid up on this thing until December 2003, I'll probably keep it up. That's why I have two journals. 'Cause it's all about ambiance. Oh, and before I forget, I updated the Remix...Redux participants list last night (early this morning). There's still time to sign up! Come on. You know you want to... ~victoria link [current mood: thoughtful. also, cold] [current music: Prayers for Rain in my head. Come as You Are on the radio] [random quote: You shatter me Your grip on me A hold on me So dull it kills] ~*~ 01.21.03 - 11:53 p.m. Xander rules and Giles dreams... XANDER! You know I love me some Xander, so go read all about him in tonight's Buffy ep over in the LJ. And here is the beginning of the Gilesfic I keep blathering on about. I feel like I'm never going to reach 1000 words. Sigh. Order Into Chaos Giles dreams. Jenny leans down and whispers in his ear. Her laugh is wicked, promising naughty delights, and his body responds. Blood racing, groin tightening, he says, yes. Yes, Jenny. I will love and cherish you. 'Come live with me and be my love,' he quotes and she smiles. He misses her smile. It haunts him that he's begun to forget her smile, forget her face. Her expression darkens as if she can read his thoughts. She leans forward to kiss him; she slinks up the bed with purpose, dragging her body against his, igniting his senses. He reaches up to twine his hand in her hair, soft and dark as the starless sky. And he is spinning, drowning, falling into the depths of her eyes... He is on top now; she's beneath him, sightless eyes staring out of ashen face, her neck resting at an odd angle. No! he screams, but makes no sound. There is no one to hear him, even if he could speak. This place is dark and silent, cold and lonely as the grave. He settles restlessly, lulled back into a deep sleep by his remembrance of her face, of every detail of her death. As long as he remembers, she will never be forgotten. *** Giles dreams. He is himself, both adult and adolescent. He pulls Joyce along behind him, her chatter meaningless but intoxicating. The coy glances and inane giggles -- they mean she wants him. He's going to shag her; she's definitely going to give it up. She wants a taste of Ripper, she does. He ignores the small voice in the back of his mind that tells him this is a mistake. He's seventeen again, and no one can stop him. He bends her back over the police car and her hands are already working at his zipper. He kisses her hard, and she no longer responds. Her lips are cold and dry, her body limp beneath him. Mourners gather round the coffin in which she's laid, in which he is kneeling. He is straddling her, horrified. Buffy stares at him, eyes wide in shock. Dawn is curled against her side, weeping. I think you'd better go, Xander says, and Giles remembers the last time he saw things that weren't there. They're making me see things, he says. Xander turns and he is no longer Xander but Angelus. And you fall for it every time. This is wrong, his mind screams. This is not how it happened. And again, he is plunged into darkness. *** And we'll stop there for now. Help is always appreciated... So tired. Must update Remix list. And then maybe go to bed... Hmm... bed.... ~victoria link [current mood: wiped] [current music: Yeah, baby, I like it like that (I like it like that) I like it like that...] [random quote: “Why couldn't Giles have shackles like any self-respecting bachelor?” Xander Harris, BtVS] ~*~ 01.21.03 - 3:44 p.m. gah This day is kicking my ass. More later, I hope. [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 01.20.03 - 11:46 p.m. She Follows - finished and posted Christ, I keep thinking it's Sunday night and it's really Monday. I love a three-day weekend, but it really messes with my head. Considering how dizzy I am, this is not of the good. And you see, three sentences, three paragraphs. I've always said I don't have much of a writing style, but I think this is it: *Short paragraphs and lots of 'em. *Heavy on the dialogue but minimal tagging. *Little to no description of surroundings and only vague descriptions of physical characteristics of characters. *Forgetting the word 'and' and just stringing things together with commas. *Repetition of certain words or phrases and big on threes. Three adjectives, three repetitions etc. For an example of this, well, any story in my ::snicker:: oeuvre will do. However, I'm here specifically to pimp the fruity elf sex, which is finished and posted, but not yet up on my site. She Follows. "Éowyn understands that she has no place in the reunion between Aragorn and Legolas. But still she follows." I rated it a hard R, and only because I added a wee bit to the sex. Otherwise, I think it's probably the first ever PG-13 interspecies threesome PWP ever. ::snicker:: Now, back to adding participants to the Remix...Redux list. Whee! If you're not on there now, you will be shortly. dizzily, ~victoria link [current mood: dizzy] [current music: wishing well - bob mould] [random quote: Could you give me a wish if I tell you what I want? Will the price be no object?] ~*~ 01.20.03 - 5:57 p.m. cousin, cousine Sometimes, you find out the coolest things when you listen to your parents. Apparently, one of my father's cousins saved Martin Luther King Jr's life back in 1958. Damn, that's cool. The Naclerios are related on my grandfather's first wife's side (we think. My dad has to check with my Aunt Joan, who actually was close with the cousins). So I suppose the Cardozo coach would be my second or third cousin, at who knows what removes. And yes, I *do* know how the once removed business works. My sister has two kids, my brother has three. Alyssa (my sister's daughter) and Victor (my brother's kid) are first cousins. Let's say Alyssa has a daughter, and Victor has a son. That daughter and that son are second cousins. However, Alyssa would be Victor's son's first cousin once removed, and Victor would be the same for Alyssa's daughter. Got that? Dear god, I really am a hobbit. Speaking of which, saw TTT again today with the paternal parental unit. He liked it a lot. I had to pee in the middle and missed Legolas and Aragorn's little spat. Sigh. However, I am polishing the fruity elf sex and hope to post it sometime this evening. I'm just annoyed that with all the attention I gave it while writing about it here and in the LJ, I still spelled 'salve' 'slave' in the story. I blame the medication. And possibly Pete. *snerk* ~victoria link [current mood: impressed] [current music: the dog whining] [random quote: \"You're late... You look terrible.\"] ~*~ 01.19.03 - 8:58 p.m. it's a headache, nothing but a headache My head hurts so bad right now, if I could remove it and still live (ala Lorne) I would. I mean, how useful is a head that does nothing but *hurt* all day? Not very, I'll tell you that. Alias is a repeat tonight. I could watch my tape of Angel, but eh...my head hurts too much. I'm contemplating actually leaving the computer in a little bit, which, after being parted from it all afternoon for Abby's party, would normally be unthinkable. The Remix...Redux challenge is proceeding apace. I'm glad so many other people were as excited by the idea as I am. Tomorrow, Dad and I are scheduled to go see TTT, which excites me greatly. After that, I'll come home, give the LAE fic one last polish, and send it off into the world. I just need to check the details on things like Eowyn's dress, and the sequence of events between Aragorn's return to the keep and his and Legolas' little spat. Giles is still stuck in his nightmares, and I can't work up enough energy to get him out, so he'll have to remain there for now. Poor Giles. It's time to bring this boring entry to a close. ~victoria link [current mood: grrr...] [current music: Heartache - Bonnie Tyler, in my head] [random quote: Have a heart. Do you have a soul? Do you have a liver? Do you have any functioning organs whatsoever? Come on!] ~*~ 01.19.03 - 1:14 p.m. Someday, we will eliminate the scourge that is Barbie from the face of the planet. The Remix...Redux participants list is already up to 30. Woohoo! Giles is still hovering in nightmareville, and I really need to get back to him, but too many other things are going on today... I have to go to a Barbie birthday party for Abby. Sigh. Someday, we will eliminate the scourge that is Barbie from the face of the planet. I live in hope. Speaking of scourges and eliminating, I was so, so happy to see Tim Russert call Condoleeza Rice on the absolute nonsense of the Bush Administration's dealings with Iraq v. N. Korea. Because hello? Iraq is not the big threat. I don't care about Dubya avenging himself on the people who tried to kill his father (and who tried to kill my father, too. Twice.), as much as I care about the fact that North Korea is openly stating they are going to begin testing their nuclear weapons etc. Grrr... People who voted for this moron in the White House should be the only ones who suffer the consequences of his idiocy, but unfortunately, that's not the way it works. ::deep breath:: This is why I avoid the news. Must go shower now. ~victoria link [current mood: busy] [current music: television in the living room] [random quote: “99% of the people in this world are fools – and the rest of us are in great danger of contagion.”] ~*~ 01.18.03 - 7:10 p.m. We Invented the Remix Challenge - Redux We Invented the Remix...Redux - a Multifandom Fanfic Challenge... What's this all about? * Ever read a fic and think, wow, what a fascinating story, but if I had written it, I would have... Well, now here's your chance to do just that. Rewrite someone else's story, tell somebody else's tale. Take the work of another person and wrap it up in your vision and style, just like a remixer does to songs. So just take another person's story and change everything? * Yes and no. You can do whatever you like to the story - change POV, dialogue, mood, characterization, make it longer or shorter, whatever - except for three things: pairing(s), setting(s) (except in certain circumstances, see below), and the basic plotline. Why can't I change ____? * Basic plotline is fairly obvious, I think. If you change the plot, then you're really not writing the same story, right? This doesn't mean you can't change little things, adding or deleting things as you see fit. For example, if you were rewriting The Little Mermaid, you might decide to give the mermaid a best friend who's a fish and a guardian who's a lobster, things that weren't in the original story. But you would keep the sea witch and the fact that the mermaid loses her voice because those are essential to the story. Of course, what are and aren't essential plot points is purely subjective, but I trust people will be able to decide what to do. * Pairing(s) must be kept as is. While this can certainly be argued, I think once you change who the story is about, you're pretty much writing a new story and contrary to popular belief, that's not what this challenge is about. It's about reinterpreting a story that's already been told. So, no, you cannot change the pairing(s) in the story. We also do not want any slash pairings het-ified or het pairings slash-ified. * And with the settings, I'll allow people to take non-AU stories and make them AUs only if: a) the plot remains almost exactly the same; and b) the AU setting isn't one that could be considered contemporary or modern (e.g., ancient Greece is okay, but a high school is not). All right. So then we can choose any story we want to rewrite? * Not just any story. Each participant will be assigned a writer (who will be a fellow participant and chosen at random) and must choose a story from that writer. You can choose any story written by the person you are assigned except for whichever fic they designate as their safe story (to be explained below) and stories that are nothing more than smut. Not that you can't choose a smutty story to rewrite, just not one that is one long sex scene. After all, where's the challenge in rewriting that? And just in case it's not common-sense, don't pick a series that's unfinished. It's not fair to the original author or the readers to have someone else come up with an ending. I'm still confused. We're just writing someone else's story? * Rewriting. I don't want you to just change a line here and there. Be creative. Have fun. Make a mess if you want. Remember, it's a challenge. Don't make it too easy on yourself. And these are only Smallville stories? * Nope. This is a multifandom challenge, so everyone from XF to DS to HP and beyond should join in (I should note that this version is for FPF only. No RPF will be accepted). If you've written in more than one fandom, so much the better. If you've only written in one fandom, but are itching to tackle a new one, let me know in your sign-up email, and I will work with you. So what the hell is a safe story? * It's the one story that you don't want anyone messing with, for whatever reason. You only get one because I wasn't going to have it at all, but decided to be nice. And no, you don't have to have one, only if you want. Do I have to have website? * Yes, because otherwise, how will we find your stories? You don't need your own website; hosted fics are fine as long as they're all on the same site. Stories posted to Livejournal are okay as long as there is some sort of index or listing for them, making them easily accessible. Stories posted only to message boards and/or mailing lists are ineligible because access to those are often limited. I've only written a few stories. Can I still play? * As long as you have a minimum of three finished stories, not including your safe story, and they're not drabbles or PWPs, then you can. Works in Progress are not acceptable. What if I've co-written with someone? * If you have someone you co-write with regularly and the two of you wish to sign up for the challenge together, you will be counted as one participant and only the stories you have written together are eligible. If you regularly co-write with someone but only one of you signs up, then your co-written stories are off-limits. The same goes if both of you sign up but separately. Are there any sort of deadlines? * Why yes, there are! People can sign up for the challenge until 11:59 PM EST January 27. Assignments will be handed out on February 1, probably sometime in the evening. And then the stories aren't due until 11:59 PM EST March 31. So you've got a lot of time. When will the stories be put up then? * I would like to have them up by April 15. Oh yeah? What if I miss the deadline? Then what're you gonna do? * Well, I'm not going to hound you for the story. I've got better things to do. But I'm not putting up any of the stories until I have all of them. And when people ask me, "Hey, why aren't the stories up?", I'll point them to the site, which will have the names and email addresses of everyone who's late, and say, "Because of those people." That's kind of mean. * Why, yes, yes it is. Go to We Invented the Remix...Redux for more information. Well, no, there's no more information, it's just that's where the stories will eventually be housed. *g* And I was playing with CSS today for the first time, as I worked on ::coughstolecough:: the FAQ from the original We Invented the Remix site. So come on, leave a comment, or send me an email with "Remix" in the subject line somewhere. Please include your name, your fandom(s) your website URL, and the name of your "safe story" if you've got one, and I'll be in touch by February 1st. ~victoria link [current mood: accomplished] [current music: news in the background] [random quote: don't call it a comeback, I been here for years] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. If you do not like or agree with the contents herein, or find them to be offensive on more than one occasion, please go elsewhere and don't come back. Management is not responsible for any adverse reactions to content within. The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme. The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney. This site is best viewed with IE4+ | 1024x768 | true color | verdana | tables