a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content achromatic unfinished fic graveyard recs journal new stuff recent stuff my back pages January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 the five Ws, or, all about me profile e-mail victoria my livejournal the original P&R comments current mood: "pathological and unbalanced" Items of Interest People LiveJournal folks Baraita bishclone claritylit Jintian Kat Allison Kit Mason metablog mix-tapes Neil Gaiman Nestra Sarah T. Seema Shrift Sundry Mourning zendom Music Walk On - U2 Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet Town Called Malice - The Jam One - U2 The Space Between - DMB Books Lord of the Rings Catch-22 The Neely Trilogy Absalom! Absalom! Possession: A Romance Foucault's Pendulum Dreamhouse LA Confidential I Capture the Castle Sandman Waking the Moon Shows Angel Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns) Alias West Wing The Simpsons webrings < ? fanfiction ! > < ? writers ! > diaryreviews.diaryland.com NYC Bloggers Comments by Haloscan.com all links, if I haven't screwed up somehow, should open in a new browser window

02.13.03 - 10:08 p.m. Things I've learned from my stats Things I've learned from my stats: 1. put Legolas on your banner and they will click. They probably won't come back, but they will click once. here it is, for posterity: 2. this diary is the number one result on Google for the phrase 'lit crit bullshit' Hee! 3. far too many people are interested in Emma Watson's underwear. She's 13 years old, for god's sake, you fucking perverts! 4. Everybody wants Legolas pregnant. I don't understand this urge for Legolas MPREG (or any MPREG that isn't Bethy's Expectations or a reasonable facsimile in another fandom, with flipflops and muumuus and general over-the-top hilarity ensuing), but there it is. And now I'll get even more hits from freakazoids searching for it. I'd get all huffy and shout, "There IS NO Legolas MPREG here" except I did that last summer about Boromir fic, and then, uh, wrote one, belying my tantrum. Though you have my solemn oath, if I ever write MPREG of any sort that is not a complete parody, please shoot me, because the real me is probably trapped inside and screaming to get out. In other news, I did give leukocytes and did not go to the movies (even though they gave me a free coupon for the movies for donating. That and a teddy bear. Who knew?) because I was so cold during the whole procedure, even with two (flimsy airline) blankets on and then it was frigid outside when I went home, and I would have had to take the bus to get to the movie. I was just too damn cold. I really want to take a long hot bath, but I can't because the bandages have to stay on for 6 hours and that means midnight. Gah. I have a headache, as well. Before this turns into a litany of complaints, I'll just go. ~victoria link [current mood: wiped] [current music: sour times - portishead] [random quote: nobody loves me, it's true, not like you do] ~*~ 02.13.03 - 12:10 p.m. needs must when the devil drives Yahoo is being really fucking annoying with my list mail. In that I'm not getting it in a timely fashion. And notices of LJ comments show up *hours* after they've been posted. Technology hates me. I can't take any advil or aspirin because I'm donating leukocytes this afternoon (and not thrilled about it), and I'm horribly crampy and I have a headache. Plus, I'm still undecided on Legolas' abilities as far as the er, marital arts go. I'm tempted to go with Mack Daddy!Legolas, only because come on! It's hilarious. But Shy Virgin!Legolas has its appeal, too. The problem is, I don't think I have more than one LotR sex comedy in me, so it's not like I can save one idea for later, you know? So I'm working on Nothing Like the Sun, and here's a brief snippet: Draco placed the bag on the kitchen counter and leaned against the doorjamb. “So,” he said. “Here we are again.” “I don’t have time for idle chitchat, Malfoy,” she said, trying to remain calm. She bit the words off precisely. “Tell me what you came here to tell me, and then get out.” He inclined his head. “Weasley is still not talking. He has a startling resistance to pain.” She winced; he pushed off the wall and stalked toward her. She raised her chin and stood her ground. “Why don’t they use Veritaserum?” “Oh, they will,” he answered. He ran his thumb over her cheek. She shivered and he smiled. His lips followed his hand, and in between kissing her jaw and temple he said, “They just like to cause pain.” He claimed her lips, and she let him, drugged by the coffee and mint taste of him. “They know nothing anyone says under duress is true,” he continued against her mouth, lifting her up onto the counter with unexpected strength and moving to stand between her legs. “But it’s early days yet. They’re having fun.” His hands were cool on the heated skin of her thighs, sliding up under her skirt, and she wondered why she never wore jeans anymore. He stroked her through her panties and she realized that jeans would have made this all more difficult -- would have given her time to think, time to pull away, but this way, she had an excuse. “It all happened so fast,” she’d say, if she ever did tell anyone about this, which, of course, she wouldn’t. “Tell me something,” he whispered, his lips gliding over the sensitive skin of her neck. “Something I can use.” She gasped and he covered her mouth, kissing her with a force belied by his languid movements. Her hands slid along his shoulders, down his back, and she was no longer simply being acted upon, but acting, wanting. She wanted him, wanted this, whatever it was. And she would give him what he wanted, as well. But this time, it would be on her terms. She broke away from the kiss. “After,” she said, and not even he would argue in the face of her resolved tone. Not that she gave him a chance, pulling his mouth back down to hers and scooting forward on the counter so she could wrap her legs around his waist. They were done talking for the moment. She worked the buttons on his trousers with fumbling fingers, and he grunted in approval when she freed his cock and stroked him roughly. He slid his thumbs beneath the elastic of her panties and drew them down her legs until she could kick them off. She was wet and ready and not interested in the preliminaries. Draco murmured the contraception spell and slowly pushed his way into her. She closed her eyes and imagined Ron; it wasn’t that different, really, except that it was completely different. Ron was sweet and funny and always tasted of strawberry licorice. He whispered words of love to her, told her she was beautiful and made her feel treasured. Malfoy was both languid and deft, and rougher than she was used to; she told herself she deserved it, wanted it that way. Wanted it to be as different from Ron as the moon was from the sun. Malfoy said nothing of love, nothing except, “Yes,” and “Fuck” and “God,” as he came. She felt her own orgasm rising, a tidal wave of pleasure overwhelming her senses, flooding her body with bliss as she shuddered and shook, unable to stop herself from talking nonsense words that he swallowed with a kiss. They slumped against each other, sated and sticky. She wasn’t going to think about how she’d have to scrub down the counter with bleach. She wasn’t going to think about anything. She was going to close her eyes and pretend... But Draco wouldn’t let her. “Granger,” he said, breaking into her content daze. His voice had lost its harsh edge, though, and he was almost likeable in that moment. She sighed and nibbled at his jaw, so pale and sharp and sprinkled with golden stubble. *** You know, this fic is barely 10 pages long and it's already got three sex scenes in it. And it's not supposed to be PWP. I mean, the porn is supposed to advance the plot, as well as reveal the characters. I'm not sure it's working. I'm also not sure if I might have two more sex scenes, or just gloss over the rest of them, or what. I also have to figure out how Hermione traps Draco and turns him over to Harry and Remus for questioning. I'm being very vague on the whole 'war against Voldemort' thing because I really have no conception of what they're doing. I'm picturing it as very much a Cold War type of deal, with occasional flare-ups, but no out-and-out fighting because that would attract Muggle attention, and they're (the good guys, anyway) are trying to avoid that. So lots of spy/counter-spy things, and Hermione as a Mata Hari. Also, the summary is currently "Needs must when the devil drives" but I'm thinking that's not specific enough. How about, "Hermione does what she must"? Because some of the point is that Hermione will do this - sleep with Draco, pass on false information- to save Ron, to aid her cause, while the men... the men might have some moral qualms. I'm not sure if I'm working from a noir place or from a Faulknerian view of women or some combination of the two, but I keep thinking Hermione can be far more ruthless than any of the others, even Snape, and that totally colors how I'm writing her. She's still young here, only 21-22, but willing to do whatever she has to. The only one I think who might have that same sheer determination borne of desperation is Sirius, and he only because of his 12 years in prison. In fact, I think Sirius and Hermione (with a dash of Snape thrown in for spice) could be a most formidable pair of opponents for Voldemort - far more so than Harry. Hmm... Speaking of Sirius, I made myself a Ewan-as-Lupin icon last night, with the caption, "He'll always be Lupin to me." I can't help it. I picture Clive Owen and Ewan McGregor when I picture Sirius and Remus, and Oldman and Thewlis are going to have to shine to dislodge that. As for Hermione and Draco in this story, think Helena Bonham-Carter circa "A Room With a View" and either James Marsters or Julian Sands (also during the "Room With a View" era, since I've no clue what he looks like now, and probably is too old to pass for 21-22. So is Marsters, really, but... roll with it, huh?) as Draco. Because I can't picture the children having sex. ::shudder:: In other news, a brief discussion of evolution (the theory, not the cartoon) and Rogue's mutation is leading to some interesting biology discussion over in the LJ. Plus, I just really like my description of her as a ball of kink and dysfunction. I make my own fun. And I'm going to get back to Draco and Hermione now. Ta. ~victoria link [current mood: crampy and irritable] [current music: Let It Be] [random quote: when I find myself in times of trouble, Mother Mary comes to me, speaking words of wisdom, let it be.] ~*~ 02.12.03 - 11:27 p.m. survey says... Survey says: 1: Think about your current mood state. List the one song that describes it. Ball and Chain - Social Distortion: take away, take away, take away this ball and chain, 'cause I'm lonely and I'm tired and I can't stand any more pain. Or maybe I'll Be You - Replacements: And I could purge my soul perhaps For the imminent collapse Oh yeah, I'll tell you what we could do You be me for a while I'll be you A dream too tired to come true Left a rebel without a clue Won't you tell me what I should do? And if it's just a lull why'm I bored right outta my skull? Oh yeah, keep me from feeling so dull And if it's just a game Then we'll break down just in case Then again, I'll tell you what we could do You be me for a while You be me for a while and I'll be you 2: If the world was to be divided into two countries and one country had to like ONLY Prince, and the other country had to like ONLY Michael Jackson. Which would you chose and WHY? PART 2: What about between Britney and Christina? Prince, because Michael Jackson is a lunatic and not in a good, fun way. Part 2. I'd rather be deaf. 3: Even if you don't like JC Chasez... You have to chose one outfit for him to wear to be on Last Call with Carson Daly. What would it be? Which one's he? And why should I care? I loathe Carson Daly. 4: Think of your CD collection. Is there one CD you play more than any other? Is it because it means something to you or just because you like it? Achtung Baby (U2) and August and Everything After (Counting Crows) because they just suit my mood usually, and they help with the writing. 5: If there was one place, time, or situation you could be in right now... what would it be? (this can be ANYTHING really) Someplace warm and sunny and beachy, without the threat of war or terrorism hanging over me. Someplace with hot cabana boys. And me being independently wealthy. Living on a houseboat docked on St. John, maybe. With Sean Bean. 6: If you had the chance... right this very minute to do something you would never do normally and not risk anything bad from it. What would it be, and would you do it? Pick up a stranger and have sex with him. No. Because I never do. That's why it's something I don't normally do. 7: Change one thing (physical or otherwise) about yourself. And of course WHY? Ah, I'd change my skin. Because it's horrid and oily and has large pores and I'm 32 and I still break out. That ain't right. 8: Do you think I'll make it to 10 questions? Not without a filler question like this one in the mix. 9: If you were to commit suicide what would you use to do it and why? Also... would you want to be found or not? (Doing research with this one) Slit wrists in the bathtub. I don't think it's actually painless, but by the time you start feeling it, it's probably too late. Also, I have a fascination with sharp, shiny objects like razors. Would I want to be found? If I'm killing myself, which I think is the stupidest thing anyone could ever do, yeah, because I'm probably trying to make some dramatic point. 10: Have you ever been in love? Why was it love and not just like? Twice. Because it really hurt and because I cared more about not hurting him than about him hurting me. (gacked from NorthAtlantic) *** In other news, even though I wasn't going to, because I am a completist and a silly girl, I put the invisibility cloak fic up on the site. Because there's not enough nekkid Remus/Sirius fic out there. ~victoria link [current mood: wiped] [current music: 32 Flavors - Ani DiFranco] [random quote: and god help you if you are an ugly girl of course too pretty is also your doom 'cause everyone harbors a secret hatred for] ~*~ 02.12.03 - 4:25 p.m. gratuitous lyrics post Because it's on the radio right now: Ramble On Leaves are falling all around, It's time I was on my way. Thanks to you, I'm much obliged for such a pleasant stay. But now it's time for me to go. The autumn moon lights my way. For now I smell the rain, and with it pain, and it's headed my way. Sometimes I grow so tired, but I know I've got one thing I got to do... Ramble On, And now's the time, the time is now, to sing my song. I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl, on my way. I've been this way ten years to the day, Ramble On, Gotta find the queen of all my dreams. Got no time to for spreadin' roots, The time has come to be gone. And to' our health we drank a thousand times, it's time to Ramble On. Ramble On, And now's the time, the time is now, to sing my song. I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl, on my way. I've been this way ten years to the day, Ramble On, Gotta find the queen of all my dreams. Mine's a tale that can't be told, my freedom I hold dear. How years ago in days of old, when magic filled the air. T'was in the darkest depths of Mordor, I met a girl so fair. But Gollum, and the evil one crept up and slipped away with her, her, her....yeah. Ramble On, And now's the time, the time is now, to sing my song. I'm goin' 'round the world, I got to find my girl, on my way. I've been this way ten years to the day, Ramble On, Gotta find the queen of all my dreams. Gonna ramble on, sing my song. Gotta keep-a-searchin' for my baby... Gonna work my way, round the world. I can't stop this feelin' in my heart Gotta keep searchin' for my baby. I can't find my bluebird! *** Zeppelin has a few songs that are LotR related, and this one always baffled me. Is it just some random guy? One of the unnamed Rangers? Is it Aragorn? Could I possible *be* any geekier at this moment in time? And just 'cause I can, another Zep song with LotR references: The Battle Of Evermore Queen of Light took her bow, And then she turned to go, The Prince of Peace embraced the gloom, And walked the night alone. Oh, dance in the dark of night, Sing to the morning light. The Dark Lord rides in force tonight, And time will tell us all. Oh, throw down your plow and hoe, Rest not to lock your homes. Side by side we wait the might of the darkest of them all. I hear the horses' thunder down in the valley blow, I'm waiting for the angels of Avalon, waiting for the eastern glow. The apples of the valley hold, The seeds of happiness, The ground is rich from tender care, Repay, do not forget, no, no. Dance in the dark of night, sing to the morning light. The apples turn to brown and black, The tyrant's face is red. Oh the war is common cry, Pick up you swords and fly. The sky is filled with good and bad that mortals never know. Oh, well, the night is long the beads of time pass slow, Tired eyes on the sunrise, waiting for the eastern glow. The pain of war cannot exceed the woe of aftermath, The drums will shake the castle wall, the ring wraiths ride in black, Ride on. Sing as you raise your bow, shoot straighter than before. No comfort has the fire at night that lights the face so cold. Oh dance in the dark of night, Sing to the morning light. The magic runes are writ in gold to bring the balance back. Bring it back. At last the sun is shining, The clouds of blue roll by, With flames from the dragon of darkness, the sunlight blinds his eyes. *** I always thought this was about Eowyn (though she uses a sword, not a bow) and Aragorn (though Prince of Peace isn't exactly one of his titles, he is kind of a messiah, though Gandalf is the real Christ figure, if you need to have one). But it's probably about the Elves, 'cause everybody's always on about the Elves. I'm very spammy today, between here and LJ. I must be bored. And procrastinating on any writing I could be doing. Why, when I actually love to write so much, do I find so many reasons *not* to do it? That's not rhetorical. Suggestions are welcome. I think I should do a recs update, but right now, I've got three GG stories (all by the same author, but damn I was weepy last night over them) and an HP fic. Not enough for an update. Maybe a mini-update? Hmmm... ~victoria link [current mood: geeky] [current music: Ramble On - Led Zeppelin] [random quote: The road goes ever on and on, down from the door where it began, now far ahead the road has gone, and I must follow if I can] ~*~ 02.12.03 - 1:23 p.m. more opening lines from favorite books More first lines of favorite books: Alice was beginning to get very tired of sitting by her sister on the bank and having nothing to do: once or twice she had peeped into the book her sister was reading, but it had no pictures or conversations in it, "and what is the use of a book," thought Alice, "without pictures or conversations?" ~Alice's Adventures in Wonderland, Lewis Carroll It was full springtime, with promise of the richest summer the farm had ever seen. The orchard was white with fragrant blossoms; the newly planted fields lay light as green mist. Yet the sights and scents gave Taran little joy. Caer Dallben was empty. Though he helped Coll with the weeding and cultivating, and tended the white pig, Hen Wen, with as much care as ever, he went about his tasks distractedly. One thought alone was in his mind. ~Taran Wanderer, Lloyd Alexander They never found her. Nothing at all: no clothes, no jewelry, no bones or teeth or locks of auburn hair. No lunula. Maybe that's why I never truly mourned Angelica. Oh, I grieved, of course, with that hopeless misery one reserves for lost youth or broken chances or a phantom limb. That was how I wept for Angelica; not the way I'd raged when I lost Oliver. Not even the muted anguish I'd felt during all those years in Dr. Dvorkin's carriage house. ~Waking the Moon, Elizabeth Hand When I stepped out into the bright sunlight from the darkness of the movie house, I had only two things on my mind: Paul Newman and a ride home. ~The Outsiders, S.E. Hinton Whenever my mother talks to me, she begins the conversation as if we were already in the middle of an argument. ~The Kitchen God's Wife, Amy Tan "Christmas won't be Christmas without any presents," grumbled Jo, lying on the rug. Little Women, Louisa May Alcott --We'll ask Jimmy, said Outspan. --Jimmy'll know. ~The Commitments, Roddy Doyle The book was thick and black and covered with dust. Possession, A Romance, A.S. Byatt Pulling one hand from the warmth of a pocket, Jay Landsman squats down to grab the dead man's chin, pushing the head to one side until the wound becomes visible as a small, ovate hole, oozing red and white. Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets, David Simon Daddy said it was a bedsheet, a fitted bedsheet, and he said she was wearing it up on her shoulders like a cape with two of the corners knotted around her neck. ~A Short History of a Small Place, T.R. Pearson On Saturday morning, we waited in line out in an alley behind the theater, about two hundred kids, some older than I, some younger, but mostly twelve or thirteen, about my age. ~The Teddy Bear Habit, James Lincoln Collier *** Sigh... I'm back to working on the silly elf sex fic. I hope I can be both funny and hot. Though now I'm thinking I've got it all wrong, and Legolas isn't the trembling virgin, but a secret mack daddy who's been lying low for the last thousand years or so, hiding from the brothers of one of the girls he loved and left. I can't decide which scenario is funnier. Ah, the hard lot of a fic writer. At 2 I have a stupid meeting with stupid auditors. I hate the year-end compliance process. Hate it. ~victoria link [current mood: busy] [current music: where the streets have no name - u2] [random quote: i want to run, i want to hide, i want to tear down these walls that hold me inside, i want to reach out and touch the flame] ~*~ 02.11.03 - 9:22 a.m. Three words for you: Pylean Attack Cheese So, yesterday was first lines/paragraphs; today is last lines/paragraphs of those same stories, as seen in Voleuse's LJ (and thanks for the mention. I'm thrilled you liked the fic). Last lines of the same 10 fics: The two men shook on the deal over the grave of a child in the falling snow. Adena 1950 by Scott, Homicide: Life on the Street And Logan could go to hell. Return to Sender by Diebin, XMM "Soon?" God, they had so much to say, because they'd said nothing so far, and there were a million secret things inside... And she could say them all to him, because she knew now that he wanted to hear them. "Real soon, Marie." Will You Accept the Charges? by Donna Bevan "My name is Marie." I said, rising slowly to my feet, burning my eyes into theirs as my hand lifts the gun toward them. "And I remember." A thousand thunders roar into silence. Save the Last Dance for Me by darkstar, XMM It'll be summer, but something I've never told her is that Alaska is beautiful all year round. Life Less Static by Molly, XMM Fingering his keys in his pocket, he decided he was ready to dream. As Chaste As Ice by Heather Jarman, West Wing It's for her own good. And mine. The Best of Me, Perri Smith, West Wing "This is better...than the other thing." "Yeah," she agrees, as they both hang on tightly. Better vs. Nice by Bramble, West Wing "Leave the light on for me. I'm coming home." That Only I Remember by Marguerite, West Wing Counting isn't wishing. Counting isn't touching. Counting isn't remembering. Counting is safe. Safety in Numbers by Elizabeth, XMM "I love you too." >A Desperate Attempt by Dark Ferret, XMM (sans accent, which is the best way to read it) ~*~ In other news, The Continuing Adventures of Han and Logan: Two Gruff Manly Men In Love has been updated (this link will take you to page 2 of the saga - scroll down a little more than halfway to get to the new stuff). Speaking of funny stuff, you know there's a new Bagenders out, right? Three words for you: Pylean attack cheese. (well, technically not Pylean, but the idea's the same). Three more words: Steel cage match. I kid you not. I just about *died* laughing on Sunday when I read it. Three non-media-fandom related words that make me happy today: Pitchers and catchers. Okay, so it's the Yankees today, but soon it'll be the Mets and I'm still not used to the idea of Tommy Glavine in a Mets uni. It freaks me out. Speaking of which, Alexei Kovalev is a Ranger again. I'm happy, 'cause I always liked him, but this season is a wash. It's gone and they ain't getting it back. ~victoria link [current mood: sleepy] [current music: Day in the Life - Beatles] [random quote: Understand we'll go hand in hand but we'll walk alone in fear, tell me, where do we go from here?] ~*~ 02.10.03 - 2:15 p.m. silly, with a side of silly The latest exciting chapter of The Adventures of Han & Logan: Two Gruff Manly Men In Love is up in the LJ, with special guest stars Obi-Wan Kenobi and Legolas, son of Thranduil. Also, Sirius, Remus and the Invisible Cloak of Invisibility, for those of you who like your HP silly, with a side of silly. ~victoria link [current mood: silly] [current music: Listen to Her Heart - TP & the HBs] [random quote: Stivers: Yeah don't that just stick in your craw? Munch: I had my craw surgically removed years ago so I could sleep ni] ~*~ 02.10.03 - 9:49 a.m. First lines meme - Fanfic Edition In no particular order, first lines (paragraphs in some cases) from ten of my favorite fanfics: It's raining again. It started this afternoon and she thinks it should have stopped by now. It doesn't seem fair at all. How can she fall asleep if the sky continues to send down sullen drops of water that are tapping on the roof like some sort of code she will never be able to understand? Safety in Numbers by Elizabeth, XMM the best L/R fic ever written, bar none. My body was tense. I knew what was coming. All evening he had been staring at the blonde girl. He tried not to show it, but it was so obvious, I could focus on little else. You see, we had agreed to go together to Scott and Jean's wedding, so I sort of had no choice but to spend the night watching them smile at each other across the yard. A Desperate Attempt by Dark Ferret, X-Men Movieverse. This fic has problems, beginning with the horrid use of "Ah" for "I" when Rogue speaks, but it *still* hits every single one of my sad little L/R shipper buttons. Had anyone over asked -- and Xavier came close, but didn't, really -- if I was happy with my life, I would have said yes, no hesitations. Still would, even if it did start seeming a little less...satisfying. I had no complaints about roaming around; I like to drive and I'm not much for feeling trapped or attached. Doesn't take a genius to figure out why -- even the little bits of memory I've gotten from bad dreams are enough to clue me in on one hell of a reason to value being able to pick up and split, any time. Life Less Static by Molly, XMM when I grow up, I want to write like Molly. Joey Lucas was a liar. As Chaste As Ice by Heather Jarman, West Wing Joey may not, in fact, have been entirely wrong.... The Best of Me, Perri Smith, West Wing And how do you like that for a perfect juxtaposition? I swear, I didn't know that was going to happen. ::snerk:: He sits staring at his wall, willing himself to feel anything other than what he does. He's mad at himself, mad at focusing on something so entirely trivial in light of the serious situation at hand. He shouldn't feel bad about this -- she's just his assistant, for god's sake -- his under-educated, subordinate *assistant*. Better vs. Nice by Bramble, West Wing I just love this version of Josh and Donna Six hours into my testimony, and I'm ready to jump out of this chair and climb the walls. That Only I Remember by Marguerite, West Wing this fic is a must-read, even if you're not in WW fandom. It's an emotional wrecking ball, hard and painful and it leaves you weeping at the end. Anyone who's ever lost anybody - anybody who's ever been afraid of losing someone - will feel it. (She's lost in coma where it's beautiful.... intoxicated from the deep sleep. Deep sleep...) Cracked voices bleed into my dismal little corner of hell, the song distorted by the tinny static of a radio held together by tape, wiring, and sheer stubbornness. Almost the same things keep me from falling apart. Masking tape flesh stretches over plastic wire bones. The stubborn electricity of my blood refuses to let me lay down like a good girl and die, even though suicide's quite the trend in this part of town. It's what happens to people like me when they can no longer stand the silence left by the absence of thought. That silence is cold as Death's bare fingers pressed against your mind, roaring without sound until it consumes the world. It is always terrifying to look into the ragged hole where Past and Memory were torn away. I know that once upon a fairy tale, I possessed such treasures. How else would I feel this loss? No one mourns for something they have never experienced. The fantasies of it keep me up at night, my mind creating entire universes of light and watercolor beauty. But they disappear, always, at the first ray of morning sun, an effervescent rainbow burst before my very eyes, and the silence returns. Screaming. Roaring. Laughing. Save the Last Dance for Me by darkstar, XMM oh the pain. This is one of the angstiest things ever, but it couldn't go any other way - the only time death is a happy ending. There are some things you get used to working in the smallest Post Office in Northern Canada. I can't say that I've seen a lot of different kinds of people come through here--but the types I do see fit into some pretty distinct molds. Return to Sender by Diebin, XMM, and its sequel, Will You Accept the Charges? by Donna Bevan: Logan sat on the edge of his bed, a paper dangling from his fingers. The feminine scrawl on the page was unfamiliar...and damning. The words danced on the page as he wondered what the hell he was going to do. ::sniff:: I still cry both times. Detective Tim Bayliss sat at his desk in the homicide squad room at the start of his first shift in a new decade. As he started to look through his messages it hit him suddenly that he was working in a new era. Adena 1950 by Scott, Homicide: Life on the Street this is quite possibly the best fanfic I've ever read and I recommend it to anyone and everyone. Note: These are not necessarily my Top Ten Favorite Fanfics, these are just the ten that came to mind that I had linkage handy for. And that I happened to have been rereading in the past couple of days, in one or two cases. Now back to working on Han/Logan. ~victoria link [current mood: accomplished] [current music: Diamond Dogs - David Bowie] [random quote: Scully: “Should we arrest David Copperfield?” Mulder: “Yes. But not for this.”] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. If you do not like or agree with the contents herein, or find them to be offensive on more than one occasion, please go elsewhere and don't come back. Management is not responsible for any adverse reactions to content within. The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. 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