a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content achromatic unfinished fic graveyard recs journal new stuff recent stuff my back pages January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 the five Ws, or, all about me profile e-mail victoria my livejournal the original P&R comments current mood: "pathological and unbalanced" Items of Interest People LiveJournal folks Baraita bishclone claritylit Jintian Kat Allison Kit Mason metablog mix-tapes Neil Gaiman Nestra Sarah T. Seema Shrift Sundry Mourning zendom Music Walk On - U2 Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet Town Called Malice - The Jam One - U2 The Space Between - DMB Books Lord of the Rings Catch-22 The Neely Trilogy Absalom! Absalom! Possession: A Romance Foucault's Pendulum Dreamhouse LA Confidential I Capture the Castle Sandman Waking the Moon Shows Angel Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns) Alias West Wing The Simpsons webrings < ? fanfiction ! > < ? writers ! > diaryreviews.diaryland.com NYC Bloggers Comments by Haloscan.com all links, if I haven't screwed up somehow, should open in a new browser window

05.03.03 - 9:27 p.m. Just don't call me late for dinner Actually copied the recs from the recs LJ over to the Unfit Recs Pages at the site. I hadn't done it since January. I had to make separate pages for HP and LotR, the only two fandoms I seem to be reading in extensively atm. I'm not quite sure how much XMM fic I'm going to read in the wake of X2. I wasn't wowed by it emotionally the way I was by the first. Though there is some very slashy stuff going on, there wasn't much in the way of L/R, so... It was nice to see some more ridiculous fanon get laid to rest though. Speaking of fanon, yesterday I wrote about nicknames and swear words. Ayelet says: Didn't Willow say "Goddess" in Lessons, though? It doesn't make it any less cringeworthy, but it's canon we're cringing at. It's possible she does - I'd have to check the transcripts, but that's a S7 episode. If she does say it, it's fairly new. Scott says: Of course, I also gave Faith a last name in several stories. . . I don't mind that so much, as long as one isn't wedded to it. There was an early trend in XMM fic that Marie's last name was Gordon. Why? I dunno. On the rare occasions I give her one, I usually pick something out of Faulkner, since she's from Mississippi, and it amuses me. Amaltheia mentions that Everytime I see Delia, it completely throws me out of the story. Going in the other direction, calling Buffy, Elizabeth. There is no shred of evidence to suggest Buffy is short for Elizabeth, and quite a lot to suggest it isn't. Yeah, while Buffy *can* be a nickname for Elizabeth (I've known 2 myself), the show gives no evidence of that (neither her school records nor her headstone say "Elizabeth," and Joyce never called her that, while we have heard Xander being called "Alexander LaVelle Harris." Poor Xander.), though Elizabeth Anne Summers is a prettier name than Buffy Anne Summers, imo. Anonymous wrote: Actually, I do remember both Xander and Buffy calling Willow "Wills" a few times in the first couple of seasons, especially Xander He calls her *Will*, no "s" on the end of it. Liz and Hal both assure me that there is a "Merlin" as swearword reference in HP, so I withdraw that complaint (though I still think it's cheesy), and Hal goes on to say: In re nicknames, "Mione" is the one that makes me want to scream. But I like nicknames that are not derived from the character's name, if they are given during the course of a story. Yes! 'Mione' is... I don't even know what the hell it is or where it comes from. (I mean, I know it's a shortening of Hermione, but you've got several hundred pages of canon and not once does anyone refer to her that way. It's like when people write XF fic where Mulder and Scully call each other Dana and Fox. WTF?) Even worse - Siri and Remmie. ::shudders:: (I think you can see why this is on my mind of late. What? When I fall, I fall hard.) In the latter cases, they already have perfectly serviceable, canon nicknames. Yes, people have more than one (I myself have a whole list of things people call me. Some of them are even my name.) and different people use different nicks in different circumstances. But I am a canon-whore and cutesy-wootsey nicknames (especially between grown men) are just... urk. Of course, my friends in college had nicknames like "The Cavalcade of Whimsy" and "The Duchess", so maybe I (aka Shoe, Moss, Little Flower and occasionally "Lisa" (as in Simpson), as well as Vic, P., vickivictoria and vickitoria) shouldn't talk. ~victoria link [current mood: mellow] [current music: Silver Springs - Fleetwood Mac] [random quote: Time casts its spell on you but you won't forget me I know I could have loved you but you would not let me] ~*~ 05.02.03 - 1:16 p.m. I swear to god... I'm gonna bitch for a moment. Pet names. Twee little nicknames that are never ever used in canon. What the fuck is up with that? Grrr... It really, really annoys me and in the case of some characters, completely pulls me out of the story. Sure, fanon can be helpful with certain things, but I've been watching Buffy and Angel since the beginning, and except for the last two Angel eps, I've never missed one of either series (except "That Old Gang of Mine"). No one, to my knowledge or remembrance, has EVER called Cordelia "Delia" or Willow "Wills". It's like having characters swear "by the gods" when they have never done so in canon. Willow may be a practicing Wicca, and she may call on various gods and goddesses to do her magic, but she says, "God" or "Oh my god." Not, "Goddess" or "gods". In LotR, the Elves would swear by Elbereth or the Valar, and the Dwarves by Durin's beard or something similar. However, they do not, to the best of my recollection, refer to the Valar as gods and goddesses. They barely ever mention Eru Iluvatar. The Ents may swear by "root and twig" and I think the Rohirrim do by Eorl, but otherwise... they're probably just foul-mouthed, not necessarily profane. There seems to be no real organized religion in M-E. Just like in HP - would someone *please* give me book and page number on "Merlin" and "Mordred" and "by the seven hells"? Please? Because they sound lame and forced to me and my knowledge of canon is obviously not great enough that I recall any character speaking this way. Okay. I feel better now. In other news, I updated the site last night, so Liar's Poker and Voyeur are both available there now. Also, this "Scratch an Elephant" lottery commercial? Freaks me the hell out. It's just... annoying and icky. ~victoria link [current mood: ranty] [current music: Elderly Woman Behind the Counter... - Pearl Jam] [random quote: by god it's been so long never dreamed you'd return but now here you are and here I am] ~*~ 05.02.03 - 10:02 a.m. knee-jerk X2 thoughts Knee-jerk, half-assed X2 ramblings. Highly spoileriffic. Don't click if you haven't seen or don't want to know. [current mood: tired] [current music: Centerfield - John Fogerty] [random quote: “I am not deliciously saucy.” Bart Simpson] ~*~ 05.01.03 - 12:57 p.m. The Sonar Theory of Fic Writing Man, I just read this fic and... talk about hitting all the right buttons. It's *exactly* the type of story that chokes me up and makes me all hurty in my chestal area, where one person is completely oblivious and the other is so in love and hiding it and in pain, and finally says something and the dense idiot STILL doesn't get it and then finally, he does and... ::sniffle:: Okay, the ending was a little bit of a letdown, but the revelation scene left me wiping my eyes at my desk... I am *such* a sap. It's not even funny. Anyhow... The pairing meme from yesterday got me thinking, as such things are wont to do, and as I am currently putting off yet another round of minor revisions on Nothing Like the Sun (and completely ignoring Aragorn the way he’s been ignoring me for weeks – maybe Legolas should be the POV character for the bathfic. Not that I have his voice down, but at least he’s willing to share. Aragorn is bloody close-mouthed.), and falling headlong into reading Sirus/Remus fic in earnest instead of piddling around hoping it’ll come to me, I’ve been thinking about pairings and writing. A while ago, Miriam Heddy wrote a post about the impact of the fannish community one one’s writing. In particular, she writes: At the moment, the biggest problem is that my two beta-readers (both of whom have never watched the show) are not falling in love with the characters--not feeling the love I have for them (and that I think they have for each other). I wonder if my failure to put that love into writing in the story is a symptom of there not being a real fannish community talking about it. How much of our ability to write slash comes from our rehearsing the "squee" in public--and having to articulate just what it is, exactly, that makes our knees weak--and having someone else nod as we fumble to put it in words, and say back, "Yes, that's it exactly, except there's also that way he inclines his head and... and... --all before we sit down to write our stories? Sometimes, such community-lust-talk leads to boring stories, as our love becomes fanon, hive-think, and we start using such shorthand for the characters that our very love for them becomes cliche. But that's the far end of the scale--and right now, I'm on the other end, having a fairly unproductive conversation with myself, trying to make that great leap outward from the implicit to the explicit, and trying to do it gracefully. And I find myself quite often in the exact opposite situation. It’s only due to fannish squeeing and community that I write pairings that don’t ping with me. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I see the Clex. But I don’t *feel* it. Maybe a little last season, and occasionally this season, but it’s not... it doesn’t reach in and grab my heart. So I don’t write much of it anymore. Only with discussion on AIM and LJ do I find myself occasionally interested in picking up one of my abandoned SV ideas. On my own, my mind turns to other things (Sirius/Remus; LotR; Logan/Rogue [though less than before]) and I write those things without a lot of support. I mean, yes, back in the day, there were a lot of L/R writers writing fic and squeeing on lists, but I wasn’t as involved on a personal level. I didn’t begin chatting with L/R people until well after the big kerfuffle, and then shortly after that, most of ‘em left the fandom for good. When I chat now, the people involved are usually heavily SV-centric, with brief forays into other stuff (Everwood, HP, Jossverse). So yes, I do get the occasional squee on about crazy space incest or hot werewolf loving, but if that’s what drove my writing, I’d be shit out of luck. Hmm... What I’m trying to say, and not doing it well, is that for me, if I feel a pairing – if it occupies my brain utterly for a while, spinning off hours and hours of fantasizing that never makes it onto paper, *that’s* what I’m going to be writing about, regardless of whether or not my corner of the fannish community is on board. I think it helps to have people to discuss things like subtext and “Oh, god, did you see that look? That was such a *look,*” but it’s not necessary to me as a writer if I feel the pairing deeply. Pairings I feel deeply would be along the lines of Logan/Rogue or Xander/Willow (which I haven’t written much of for various reasons, but my lack of a firm grasp of Willow’s voice would be the main one, I think, and also the lack of ideas that would slide into canon easily). Legolas/Aragorn pings with me in that sad, “you know it’s ending and they’re both moving on, so let them say goodbye” way. Legolas/Gimli pings with me on the opposites-become-best friends-become-lovers way. Eowyn just pings, as does Hermione. Sirius and Remus, well, yes. For the same sorts of reasons – best friends, betrayal, redemption, rebuilding, “forgive me” “there’s nothing to forgive” and a really bad foreboding that Lupin’s going to be the one who doesn’t make it in the next book. And the phrase that launched a thousand imaginations: "Lie low at Lupin’s for a while." Guh. Isn't *that* just rife with possibilities? I think the reason I can say this with some assurance – my lack of involvement with both the LotR and HP fannish communities (whatever *that* means) – I mean, there are people on my friends list who are involved with both, but I guess... I’m not on any dedicated lists for them. I don’t know the big name authors. I don’t know all the archives or the “classic” stories in either fandom. I’m not *in* either fandom the way I am in say, XMM or Smallville or Buffy, where I know the community, was there in the early days saw the splintering and vaguely know the factions involved. I know very little of that stuff in HP and LotR, and moreover, I don’t really want to know. I want to be able to ask people for the kinds of fic I want to read and not have to get involved any deeper than that. (Which reminds me, I’ve got a list of stuff I want to know if it’s been written so I can scratch various itches. Must post that later) – but I’m having LotR and HP ideas and writing them. Well, more LotR than HP, but still. I’m still writing those stories, without the surround sound squeeage. I’m doing it mostly without the support of my usual betas and friends, for various reasons. On the other hand, writing a pairing I *don’t* feel – it doesn’t matter to me how much people are drooling over it, if I don’t feel it, I don’t feel it, and I don’t write it. Or if I do write it, it’s very, very difficult. I give you “I Drove All Night” as an example. Xander/Wesley is just odd to me. There’s nothing there. No reason for me to believe they’d ever have sex. I mean, I could probably build a whole backstory where they would – it’d be pretty and I can imagine Xander and Wesley have a lot in common (well, everyone in the Bverse has daddy issues, but theirs are more explicitly canon and deliberately hurtful than most), but I’m not sitting around going, “Ooh, I wonder what would happen if Xander and Wesley...” Whereas Ron and Hermione? Or Draco and Hermione? Or Legolas and Aragorn? Very much in my thoughts, percolating as I collate mailings and make copies and type letters and ride the bus. So (and I know I said I’d stop whinging about feedback, but bear with me, this isn’t a whine, it’s an observation) even though I know that I won’t get near the amount of feedback a really popular CLex author will, and even though my name is unknown in LotR or HP circles, if those are the stories that resonate with me, those are the ones I will write, regardless of my social ties to SV or BtVS or XMM. Of course, I have difficulty with collaborative writing and am not even really comfortable with real-time AIM betaing (I mean, I have no trouble *discussing* a story and taking suggestions over AIM, but actually *writing* in chat is very, very hard for me, and revising on the fly like that is nearly impossible. I like to sit and mull the suggestions and the words and weigh the changes against what’s already there and see how it will all mesh), so I don’t necessarily need the social component in the writing process. As long as my gut is happy with the pairing, I don’t need 200 people squeeing over them with me (though it’s nice, don’t get me wrong. Nice, but not necessary). Obviously, dealing with people who are unfamiliar the source text you’re working from, in the case that Miriam is talking about, just means that as a writer you have to work that much harder. Fanfic does have built in advantages in that a writer will presume familiarity with the source material on the part of her audience. Otherwise, why in hell are they reading fic in the first place? But that’s another discussion. Another angle on the pairings thing - Beth H. asked the other day: Do you have [fannish] obsessions (genres, pairings, fandoms, etc.) that you swore you'd never have any interest in...or are your tastes/first impressions/(principles?) generally pretty much set in stone? And I answered: The pairings I dislike are still the pairings I dislike, though I've written them once or twice. So Beth asked: Why? I mean, why would you write a pairing you dislike? I can understand *seeing* the chemistry or connection or whatever in a pairing you don't care about (say, Starsky and Hutch, for me) or dislike (hmm...let's say Methos/Kronos, generally), but to invest time rooting around in their brains and hearts? (...unless you treat it as a writing exercise and nothing else, in which case, it makes sense to me.) And I replied: Well, I wrote "Logan/Jean end up together" just to prove I could, and it was called the L/J story only a Logan/Rogue shipper could write. (Two Out of Three Ain’t Bad, for those of you keeping track at home.) I wrote Clark/Lana because that's what the story demanded, that Clark be a bastard to Chloe and choose the suddenly attainable Unattainable Girl over the Girl Next Door. (A Little on the Side) I wrote Arwen/Aragorn because Arwen showed up in my head with a story (Sublimation). That's how I've written stories about *characters* I dislike as well - Snape, Jean Grey, Boromir (though my love for movie!Boromir is unbounded, he's still a jackass in the book) all demanded that I stop hating them and *listen* to what they're thinking and feeling. I'm writing Draco/Hermione because I was irritated by redeemed!Draco in much of the D/Hr fic I'd run across, and it's a guilty pleasure pairing for me. I totally dig Ron/Hermione (or I will when they're old enough to do more than fight), but there's something about the spark and nastiness between Draco and Hermione that I like, and most people tend to whitewash him. ::deep breath:: I'll spare you my Draco rant. *g* (I seem to be saying that a lot. Heh.) Suffice it to say, when the ideas show up, I write them. Sometimes they arrive and they're about people or pairings I don't much care for, but they demand to be written, so I write them. And that’s for me what it comes down to. Because if a story is demanding to be written, obviously in that given situation, a pairing or character I normally don’t get or don’t have a connection with or don’t even *like* is resonating with me, and therefore I can throw the emotional weight behind it, unlike in fic where I don’t adore the characters or don’t really buy the pairing whole-heartedly – those always come off half-assed to me. I can see the signs of strain as I not only try to seduce the reader into believing, but myself as well. And speaking of resonance and pairings and crap, the final version of Voyeur is up in the LJ. Feedback is always welcome. ~victoria link [current mood: sniffly] [current music: Helter Skelter-The Beatles] [random quote: tell me tell me tell me the answer, you ain't no lover but you ain't no dancer] ~*~ 04.30.03 - 12:18 p.m. The One Where Hermione Learns That Slash Is Good Well, my first ever attempt at Sirius/Remus porn is sadly PG-rated. No porn for you. Sigh. However, Hermione gets an eyeful, which was kind of fun. I'm just not good at writing the voyeuristic POV, especially not when she's not sure if she should be turned on or not (these men are father figures to her, after all, even if their hottitude cannot be denied), or rather, she's turned on but isn't sure that's quite kosher, and also is still shocked by the whole idea of them being more than friends. And she's not joining in. See, that I can do, raunchy threesome porn. But even I am not going there, as she's only 15. Anyhow, I started with the Secrets Vignette Challenge, but this is 820 words or so, and 1. I'm not sure I want to cut it down to 500, and 2. I'm not sure it's the kind of secret Jae had in mind. But here 'tis, in all its first draft glory. Voyeur (needs a better title. Suggestions are welcome.) Hermione stumbled along the path back to Hogwarts, awkward under the Invisibility Cloak. She’d left Hogsmeade with the last vestiges of a glorious pink and gold autumn sunset brightening the sky, but there was no twilight this time of year, and night had fallen fast. She was breathless, and not just from hurrying back to school. Sneaking out to meet Viktor had been exhilarating. She wondered briefly if she was more thrilled by the challenge of borrowing Harry’s cloak without his knowledge and slipping away from school than she was by actually seeing Viktor, but she pushed that thought away. After a summer of owling back and forth, he’d asked her to meet him at the Three Broomsticks, and she’d gone willingly, glad to leave the oppressive atmosphere of Hogwarts, where the shadow of Cedric Diggory’s death and Voldemort’s rise still hovered over everything, but especially over Harry. He was withdrawn, and it took all of her and Ron’s combined teasing to pull him out of the doldrums. The afternoon with Viktor had been a welcome respite from her worries, and she shook her head now to try and rid herself of them again. And saw a cloaked figure moving purposefully through the darkness. Curious as always, she tightened her grip on her wand and followed at a discreet distance. The figure pushed open the door to the Shrieking Shack, and she was close enough to hear a hoarse, "Lumos." In the soft light, she recognized Remus Lupin. His hair was shaggier than it had been during his time as a Professor at Hogwarts, and his face was gaunt, but his eyes were bright. Smiling, for she’d missed him as much as Harry and Ron had, Hermione prepared to unveil herself and apologize for following him, when the stairs creaked. A big black dog glided down the stairs. At the bottom step, Sirius Black stood. He was clean, she noted, and his face showed only a day or two’s worth of stubble. She wondered where he’d been and why both men were back at Hogwarts. He’d said nothing of this in his last letter to Harry. “Moony,” he said, and his voice was a harsh rasp. The two men embraced, and when they didn’t pull apart quickly, she realized she might just be intruding on a private moment. “Sirius--" Remus began, but Sirius interrupted him with a kiss. Oh, my God. Hermione leaned back against the wall, stunned. Private moment, indeed. She remembered just in time that they didn’t know she was there, and probably wouldn’t welcome her intrusion; she closed her mouth on the sharp gasp that threatened to escape. The two men remained oblivious, hands and lips and tongues hungrily moving over each other. She could hear soft murmurs but couldn’t make out the words, except for an occasional, “Mmm, Remus” or a gasped, “Sirius.” Lupin’s hands threaded through Sirius’s hair, tugging lightly. Sirius bared his neck and Remus growled low. He nibbled his way along Sirius’s throat, and Sirius purred. The sounds sent a jolt of electricity through Hermione, and she swallowed hard. She was suddenly aware of the way her nipples pressed against the lacy fabric of her bra and the moist heat between her legs. Her heart raced and she fought to keep her breathing even. Slowly, feeling her way, she found the door. Lupin pushed Sirius’s robe off his shoulders, exposing a painfully thin, bare chest covered in a mat of dark hair, and a pair of tight black pants. Very tight black pants. Lupin shucked his cloak and Sirius worked the buttons of his shirt with fumbling fingers. She closed her eyes and tried not to make noise. She couldn’t hear much over their soft words and the glide of skin against skin. The sound of her own blood pounding in her ears had to be audible to them. She hoped neither kept the heightened senses of their animal forms while human. Words resolved through the rush in her ears. “Upstairs, Padfoot?” “As you wish, Moony.” They stumbled up the stairs, stopping once or twice to resume kissing and groping. When they were out of sight, she listened for a moment more, but decided they were far too involved with each other to hear the door opening and closing. Hermione crept outside, the night air cool against her heated cheeks. She breathed deeply, trying to calm the rush of her heart. She hurried back to the castle. Once inside, she slipped off the cloak and made her way directly to her room, thankful no one had stopped her to chat. She wondered if Harry knew about his godfather and his friend. She wondered if she’d ever be able to look anybody in the eye again. When she went to bed that night, she couldn’t get the images of Sirius and Remus out of her head. As she slipped a hand beneath the waistband of her panties, she wondered if she wanted to. end *** I'm still not sure if they'd refer to each other as Padfoot and Moony during intimate moments, but it seemed ... light enough to work in this moment. Comments, suggestions and SB/RL porn always welcome. *g* ~victoria link [current mood: creative] [current music: In My Life - the Beatles] [random quote: but of all these friends and lovers there is no one compares with you and these memories lose their meaning when I think of love] ~*~ 04.29.03 - 2:08 p.m. Sirius/Remus = good and everyone should write me some What the hell was posted in the Benicio del Toro Yahoogroup that is sending people here? The fact that I don't find him sexy? Huh. If anyone sees this and knows, I'd appreciate a clue. In other news, have been working on the editing of Nothing Like the Sun, and thinking about writing fic, and well, I'm in a reading mode right now. I just finished Transfigurations by Resonant (can't link to it here at work, stupid firewall), which I really enjoyed despite the H/D and the fanon!Draco. I mean, I don't dislike H/D. I just don't believe it. I'll spare you the fanon!Draco/Redeemed!Draco rant. Consider it ranted. As I reread NLtS, I see that I do have some fanon!Draco traits in there, but I tried very hard to make this 21yo Draco a logical, believably characterized extrapolation of his 11-14 year old self. Just a little more clued-in to certain things, and way better at sex than he ought to be. But yeah, the reading mode. It's usually the sign of infatuation with a new fandom. Except that I've been reading HP fic for a while now, but most of that has been short and from the lists I'm on. This is long, novel-length stuff, the kind of stuff I don't usually bother with in other fandoms. I wonder if it's because it's a lit fandom... except that I'm not really interested in big long LotR stories. And Transfigurations didn't have much Remus and no Sirius whatsoever, and while I loved Ron and Hermione in it, the focus was definitely Harry and Draco. Which I don't mind, but really isn't my thang, you know? I want Sirius/Remus and I want it pretty much non-stop. Or Ron/Hermione (I've yet to read a Ron/Hermione fic that wasn't actually Ron/Someone Else or Hermione/Someone Else. Huh. Is there any *good* Ron/Hermione fic?) or Draco/Hermione, my sekrit HP guilty pleasure ship. Or Harry/Ron/Hermione, but I haven't come across a lot of it, and I'm scared to go looking. So yes, reading mode, which means writing mode is sort of off. I want to sit back and let other people produce masterworks and just be the gushing fangirl. I mean, I'm sure I'll get a kick in the ass to write again, I mean, write frantically, with that desperate need to get it all on paper before it disappears, because This Story Demands To Be Told, not just the desultory rewriting and five sentences a day kind of writing I've been doing lately. I think part of it is that the Remix did take a lot of out me, time and energy-wise, at the end, and then writing a second fic... And the whole XMM fatigue is in full bloom, just in time for me to be nearly indifferent to the sequel, which is slightly shocking, even to me. So since I've reconciled myself to the feedback situation (it's not as bad as I thought it was, and I should stop complaining), and the fact that my LotR and HP fic (should I produce any more of it) will never get what my XMM fic used to (and even my XMM fic doesn't get the response it used to), writing in new fandoms is fun, and I think, with Remus/Sirius, I've finally found a true OTP I can get behind, regardless of whatever JKR has planned for them (and I dread the appearance of Currently Unknown But Soon to Be Canonical Love Interests for my boys. Because they're *MY* boys. Everyone else can have Snape and Draco and Harry and Percy and Wood, and Bill and Fred-n-George and even my sweet Ron, but don't fuck with my Remus and Sirius. Just write me really good, hot, slightly angsty but they get over it fic. Please? ::big puppydog eyes::). And I've been distracted and lost my train of thought, so let me wrap this up: 1. Sirius/Remus = good and everyone should write me some. 2. Am in reading mode more than writing mode, but am still having ideas. 3. There is no number 3. 4. Bought my X2 ticket but am deliberately keeping my expectations lowered, as 5. I am in a state of XMM fic fatigue, where I have hardly an interest in reading any of it and just a wee bit more interest in writing it. I think I will go to lunch now. Wrote a big long thing on beta readers, friends and compatibility in the LJ, for those who are interested. ~victoria link [current mood: dazed] [current music: What Is and What Should Never Be - Led Zeppelin] [random quote: I still feel you pulsing like sonar from the days in the waves. That girl is like a sunburn I would like to save, she's lik] ~*~ 04.28.03 - 10:59 p.m. if loving them is wrong, I don't wanna be right Woohoo! Finally posted Liar's Poker. I love this fic. It's very dear to my heart, despite some people's rabid dislike of the style. I didn't quite get all the imagery into it that I wanted, but I think it's fully loaded, all the same. Eventually, I'll get it up on the site. I didn't mention that Hair Shirt, I Drove All Night, and Time (Clock of the Heart) have finally been coded up and uploaded. So now I did. Now back to Nothing Like the Sun. Which I also love, but for different reasons. Is it wrong to love my stories? I do, even the flawed ones make me happy once their done, even with the "Oh, I shouldn't have done that" and the "God, what a horrid turn of phrase" etc. Well, if loving them is wrong, I don't wanna be right. Kinda the theme of Liar's Poker, as well. *g* Grrr... LJ is being a total bitchwad again. ~victoria link [current mood: accomplished] [current music: Both Sides Now - Joni Mitchell] [random quote: I really don't know life at all...] ~*~ 04.28.03 - 2:49 p.m. Rogue is a big baby I may have mentioned a little fic I'm calling Fifth Wheel from time to time - the one that starts with Rogue getting plastered after learning about Remy's wife. And I had this argument I wrote for some fic or another - possibly the watchfic, possibly something even older - and never used, but I saved the snippet, as I'm wont to do. And Fifth Wheel is the story where it belongs, I think. Petulant!Bitter!Rogue and Annoyed!Losing Patience!Logan, and dealing with one of the fanon L/R conventions that I use but that annoys me sometimes - the idea that whatever of Logan that Rogue's absorbed will *still be talking to her* or still be current one, two, seven years after their last touch. Which, you know, doesn't make a damn lick of sense. It's fine when it serves the story, but I'm trying to rely on it less and less, and well, it gives me fun stuff like this to play around with, when I'm in the mood: "Stop being a baby. Jesus, Rogue." He shook his head. "Grow up and take some responsibility for yourself." "Oh, that's rich, coming from *you*." "This isn't about me. It's about you." "So you think I'm a baby, huh? Fine." She stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her. "Marie!" he yelled, but she was already gone. "That's not what I meant," he mumbled to himself. Christ, you fucked it up again, bub. He went after her. The door to her room slammed as he mounted the stairs, so he stood outside and pleaded. "Marie, open up. Are you ready to listen now?" The door opened a crack. "Why should I be? I'm just a baby, right? Maybe I'll just sit here and sulk." She tried to close the door again, but he forced his way into the room, and pushed it shut behind him. "That's not what I meant. If you can't see that, you're an idiot." The words were out before he could stop them. He closed his eyes. This was not going well at all. "So now I'm an idiot as well as a baby? It's a wonder you even waste your time *trying* to talk to me." He growled low in his throat. "Yeah," he said. "Sometimes I think you're dumb as a stump, with some of the shit you talk." She opened her mouth in outrage and he held up a hand to top her. "I'm not done. You spend all your time moping about being untouchable and unwanted, and you can't even see that half the guys (and some of the girls) would be with you in a heartbeat, if you gave 'em the word." She shook her head. "Stop it! Stop trying to make me feel better!" Another growl. "I'm not. Jesus, kid, you've got me in your *head*. I thought you knew me. But you keep saying things that -- I don't know -- It's like you don't know me at all." "Huh. It's not like that. I can feel you, still. You never faded. But you don't *talk* to me in here," she tapped her temple. "It's not like I can hear what you're thinking *now*." They paced the room, each moving in the opposite direction. "It's like, okay, I have your thoughts and feelings from when you touched me. Lots of fear and --" she stopped. "Love," he said softly. "Yeah, love." She turned to face him. "But it's so confusing. It's not like you're sitting in my head going, 'Oh, Rogue, by the way, I love you.'" She grunted in frustration. "It's more like, suddenly I'll know how to block a punch, or to speak Japanese, or, or I'll look at a woman and wonder what she *tastes* like --" she shook her head. "It's not *you* -- it's just jumbled stuff. Jumbled stuff that’s seven years out of date." "Oh." *** It's possible I posted this snip before, but I can't find it, so... Meanwhile, Jen has agreed to do my Britishy beta on Nothing Like the Sun, which I really am going to edit now. Along with Liar's Poker and Inheritances. Then I want to work on bathfic, and the SB/RL smut, and Eowyn's Five Things fic and... Yeah, someday I'll have the energy and focus (and maybe the talent) to keep up with the list of things I want to write. A long thing on where some of my story titles came from and what they mean, over in the LJ. ~victoria link [current mood: amused] [current music: The Chain - Fleetwood Mac] [random quote: And if you don't love me now you will never love me again I can still hear you saying you would never break the chain] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. If you do not like or agree with the contents herein, or find them to be offensive on more than one occasion, please go elsewhere and don't come back. Management is not responsible for any adverse reactions to content within. The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme. The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney. 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