a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content achromatic unfinished fic graveyard recs journal new stuff recent stuff my back pages January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 the five Ws, or, all about me profile e-mail victoria my livejournal the original P&R comments current mood: "pathological and unbalanced" Items of Interest People LiveJournal folks Baraita bishclone claritylit Jintian Kat Allison Kit Mason metablog mix-tapes Neil Gaiman Nestra Sarah T. Seema Shrift Sundry Mourning zendom Music Walk On - U2 Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet Town Called Malice - The Jam One - U2 The Space Between - DMB Books Lord of the Rings Catch-22 The Neely Trilogy Absalom! Absalom! Possession: A Romance Foucault's Pendulum Dreamhouse LA Confidential I Capture the Castle Sandman Waking the Moon Shows Angel Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns) Alias West Wing The Simpsons webrings < ? fanfiction ! > < ? writers ! > diaryreviews.diaryland.com NYC Bloggers Comments by Haloscan.com all links, if I haven't screwed up somehow, should open in a new browser window

06.10.03 - 12:28 p.m. extended family ramble Just had a conversation with my cousin, who also works here at BEMC. I don't believe we've spoken more than two words to each other since the revelation that I worked here when I ran into him at lunch one day, and before that, the last time spoke had to have been Dom's wedding, which puts it in November 1991. This amuses me, for various reasons. I will, of course, report back to the fam on this development, and there will be much amusement there, as well. Because, well, he was nobody's favorite cousin when we were younger (and we, by whom I mean Marguerite, Domenick and I were much younger - probably a good 5-8 years), and nobody really keeps in touch with him, except his own siblings (whom everbody likes, actually) and now, apparently, me. Ah, we are technically the strange youngest children in our respective nuclear families. I just hope most people don't talk about me the way they talk about him when he's not around. In other news - writing! Yes! Will say no more as I don't want to jinx, but... yes! Maybe it's the universe taking care of me after I sent a bunch of feedback yesterday. ::does happy writing dance:: Meanwhile, CC is back to mumbling at me and expecting me to keep track of the conversation as she does yet *another* rearrangement of the pantry supplies. Sigh. ~victoria link [current mood: amused] [current music: Come Together - the Beatles] [random quote: \"God have mercy on the man who doubts what he's sure of.\" - \"Brilliant Disguise\" - Bruce Springsteen] ~*~ 06.09.03 - 10:11 a.m. morning comes way too early when you're having dreams like that Lex dream last night. I was some sort of debutante or at the daughter of someone very wealthy and high up in Metropolis society. I and my younger sisters were on a cruise with Lionel Luthor, who apparently was courting me in an attempt to 1. take over my father's company and 2. produce another heir so he could get rid of Lex. I, being a normal young woman, wanted nothing to do with the Magnificent Bastard and spent all my time pining for Lex, who saw me as just another pawn in his father's machinations, until I did something (what? I don't recall) to prove that I wasn't, and thus, the dream ended with Lex sweeping me up into his arms and kissing me. Then I woke up. You know, morning comes way too early when you're having dreams like that. I mean, personally, I think morning comes way too early regardless, but *especially* when I'm having dreams like that. ~victoria link [current mood: content] [current music: Young Americans - David Bowie] [random quote: “Work is the curse of the drinking classes.” Oscar Wilde] ~*~ 06.08.03 - 1:52 p.m. dreaming and reading Dreamt last night (this morning?) that I was watching a promotional dvd for the dvd release of Two Towers and it was incredibly different. I mean, like, the characters were the same, but the story was completely different. Not that you'd expect anyhting else in a dream, but the thing is, *in* the dream while Marg and I were watching, I was like, "this isn't how the movie goes!" I think perhaps it was John Rhys-Davies dressed up as Sallah from Indiana Jones instead of Gimli, that threw me most. So did I mention that I finished The Eyre Affair a couple weeks ago? Enjoyed it, and will, at some point, pick up the second Next book. Also read China Trade, a detective novel (classic first person narration) with a Chinese-American woman as the detective? In NYC's Chinatown? It was weird but cool when they were interviewing a suspect on my block. *snerk* That's one of the things I love about the Burke novels - when he says things like "She looked Puerto Rican but when she opened her mouth she was pure Ozone Park Italian" I know exactly what he's talking about. He's talking about me. *eg* As much as I'd like to deny/forget/move beyond it, some things stay with you, and being a borough girl is one of 'em, though I never had big hair, nor a cugine for a boyfriend (though... well, let's not discuss that. It was obviously an aberration.), nor an IROC. I did grow up with people who did. Everyone I grew up with 'knows a guy.' Me, I know a guy who knows a guy. It's just the way it is. Even if I didn't, I'd probably say I did, because everyone does. Except that, I don't anymore. Anyhow, to bring this back to where I started, I might read more of the Lydia Chin books (I think there are 5 or so now) because I like detective novels and I like novels set in the NYC that I recognize. Now I'm reading Faded Steel Heat, the second-to-latest Garrett book. I'm told that these books are based on Nero Wolfe, and having read a few Nero Wolfe books now, I can see that. Garrett is the leg man, the ladies' man, the one who gets beat up all the time. The Dead Man is, well, dead (these are fantasy novels as well as detective novels, so if you don't mind elves and dwarves and goblins cluttering up your detective stories, you'd probably enjoy them) and therefore sedentary, but brilliant. Faded Steel Heat is about soldiers returning from the war and finding that society has no use for them, and that all sorts of non-human races are living in 'their' city, and they're going to do something about it. So there's a lot of social commentary about prejudice and rights and such, but done in a cynical way, so it's not preachy. And, as always with these books, how the common man is manipulated, used and hung out to dry by the upper classes. But like I said, not preachy. Just cynical and fun. I'm not sure what's next on the reading list. I sort of just stick my hand in the bin and pull something out. I've also decided to give up worrying and stressing over writing. I'll do it when I do it. If I can't do it now, so be it. Or something. ::is zen:: ~victoria link [current mood: zen] [current music: Black Balloon - Goo Goo Dolls] [random quote: The mind is its own place, and in itself / Can make a Heaven of Hell, a Hell of Heaven. ~Paradise Lost, John Milton] ~*~ 06.06.03 - 12:31 p.m. Ask me, ask me, ask me There's this interview meme running around LJ, but I'm not limiting myself to that forum. You want to interview me? Leave your questions here.. That post also includes part one of my ever-growing CD collection, so if you're interested in knowing exactly how hopelessly mainstream I am, well, there you go. No writing is getting done. This is bad. I have an urge to PWP. I have another Wesley-Morpheus idea that's so obvious I can't believe I didn't think of it before (and no, it's not the Gunn-is-Morpheus thing I see a number of people have jumped on), I have all sorts of writing things I want to do. And yet, no writing. What is *up* with that? Sigh. In other news, I uploaded both Belong and Reality TV last night. And now I think I ought to have ended that drabble differently. It should have been, "Hey how did they know someone tried to turn into a giant snake at our graduation?" or "Is turning into a giant snake at graduation some sort of tradition no one told me about?" Ah well. It's funny for what it is. I need to write something more substantial. I was being all bitter on AIM last night with Misty. I have to stop doing that. But on the upside, it appears Yahtzee is writing XMM fic. Which might be the spark I need. I do want to finish some of my L/R WsIP - Consumption, Prodigal, Game of You, Day's Hard Light, Better Man and Time and Tide. Maybe Fifth Wheel as well. Then maybe I can feel like I've finished it up neatly instead of leaving things hanging. Not sure. With Belong, I've hit 13 fandoms written in (Matrix counts). If I ever do write Ocean's 11 fic, that'll be 14, and then I just have to find one other thing that grabs hold. I wonder if I could write SportsNight? 15 is a nice number, and Jenn told me I'd write in 15 fandoms by the end of 2003. Would be nice to see that happen. Of course, I also promised more Crazy Space Incest to LJC once the Firefly dvds come out, and by that point (December), you know I'll be in full-on RotK mode. Mmm... RotK... ~victoria link [current mood: chatty] [current music: voodoo chile (slight return) - SRV version (live)] [random quote: if it's not love, then it's the bomb, then it's the bomb that will bring us together] ~*~ 06.05.03 - 12:32 p.m. Musings on Second Person POV I'm actually working pretty hard this morning. I know, you couldn't tell by the way I've updated the LJ (final version of Belong is up), but I am, really. I scanned a bunch of documents into Word for G. and now I have to clean them up because all the "e"s are "c"s and the "l"s are brackets etc. "In" becomes "fu" somehow, and 10-B is now 1O-13. It's really boring and yet painstaking, which means I need to pay attention, so whenever I finish a page or two, I take a break. *g* So Belong and Crush (what is it with me and the one word titles? I do that a lot. Cicatrix. Parallax. Comfort. Crave. Comfortador. Control. Insomnia. Absolution. Quality. Voyeur. And that's just off the top of my head. I *still* want to name a duo of stories "The Vig" and "Hard Eight", but I haven't found the right stories yet. Sigh. Me and my unused titles.) are both in second person. Considering I hate second person, I find that funny. What it means - to me, as the writer - is that I couldn't find another way to tell the story I wanted to tell. I'm sure that I *could* have. I mean, I could have had dialogue and actually *told a story* in Crush instead of just living in Hermione's head, but that didn't seem to work when I tried it. The second person POV seemed far more evocative of the feelings of having a crush on a teacher and hiding it from all your friends. I was trying for a feeling of breathless infatuation, which is why there are so many run-on long Faulknerian (snicker) sentences. And it seemed more revelatory than first person would have been, because I think Hermione at 13 wouldn't be quite as self-aware as a I made her, but because it's second instead of first, I think I can get away with it. Because to *me*, second person seems to signify (in this case, and in Language of Goodbye, which is easily one of the best things I've written) that the narrator is actually telling the story the way you would (the way I would, really, but see my use of "you" there as an example) when s/he's trying to distance herself. Instead of saying, "I had this crush," you have Hermione saying, "You have this crush and it's intense, see? You really, really like him and it's making you crazy," as if she's not the one feeling those feelings. Obviously, with Language of Goodbye, the story is framed specifically to give the impression that Logan is telling and retelling this story, that he's some sort of mutant Ancient Mariner, trying to hold on to the memories of the woman he loved. I'm not sure that's the purpose of second person, but it's how I use it, when I use it. Becase it's very much a "telling" mode, not a showing one. Though I do think, with Belong, I did do some showing - there's actual action in the story - movement. Trinity starts out in one place and ends up in another, with a couple stops along the way. Not bad for 1100 words. And in that case, second person was *definitely* a means of avoiding a true character voice. Because I have no grasp on Trinity as a character, no idea what she would sound like in a story, especially before she becomes the Trinity we see on screen. Then there's Fail Safe, my other second person POV story, and a failure, imo. That one was just to see if I could do second person, future tense, which I couldn't - it confused the hell out of me. So, the question becomes, what does second person signify to *you*? Do you run screaming from it, as I tend to (except where I'm writing it myself)? Do you embrace it? Do you see it as more or less revealing of character? More or less evocative? Off-putting and strange or new and interesting? Answer me, do. As haloscan appears to be down yet again, please comment in the LJ. ~victoria link [current mood: thoughtful, sleepy] [current music: Instant Karma - John Lennon] [random quote: Well we all shine on like the moon and the stars and the sun] ~*~ 06.04.03 - 4:23 p.m. falling short You know, I find it sad that this diary is the first result and a PiL fansite the second when one searches on the phrase "they put a hot wire to my head". And now I want to hear Rise. Huh. Anyhow, reading more badfic and coming to the sad conclusion that even if one is competent technically, one can still put out a stinker of a story. It's almost *worse* this way. This person has the grammar and punctuation skills. She's got the characters in character. But the writing is just... bad. I don't mean mediocre or just not lyrical. I mean choppy. Hesitant. Labored. It doesn't flow. She doesn't quite know how to use words to do what she wants, so there's a lot of extra words, a lot of repetition, a lot of awkward phrasing... I'm tempted to email her and say, please may I edit your story, but we all know how that would go, so I'm restraining myself. But how horrible is that, that someone has all the basic skills and yet can't quite put together a good story? It depresses me. Sigh. Also, about that WsIP list down there? Cross off the Angel/Matrix crossover. Is done (in draft, at least): Belong. Wesley meets Morpheus, among other things. Also, if there's anything you're really interested in me working on/finishing, let me know. I can be persuaded. Especially when I'm so apathetic about everything. In other news, the IT guys here are on to me. Certain sites I was reading fic on last week are now restricted. Sigh. I have a dr's appt tonight but I don't want to go. The weather is still craptacular. Meh. Man, I'm just a bundle of cheer. I'll go now before I infect anyone else. ~victoria link [current mood: depressed] [current music: Kashmir - Led Zeppelin] [random quote: I don't mind if you don't like my manners. I don't like them myself. They're pretty bad. I grieve over them] ~*~ 06.04.03 - 10:15 a.m. WsIP Roundup - June '03 The WIP roundup: Stories that have actual text written for them: +Inheritances. Still trying to ground the story in the physical, something I hate with a fiery vengeance, because it wasn't written with that in mind and now I have to go back in and add stuff. Have I mentioned I hate rewriting when it's of a structural nature? +Coming Clean. Why am I completely unmotivated to finish this? +Eowyn-slayer. Needs a monster and a better placement in the LotR timeline before I can finish it. Which means figuring nitpicky details out, which I've been too tired for lately. +Eomer. Ah, this just needs me to pay attention to it. +PippinFic. I need to reread the scenes in TTT where Merry and Pippin tell what happened to them, and also try to get more of a feel for Pippin's voice. I think I can do grief and then wonder pretty well. Hmmm.... +Eowyn's Five Things. Again, just needs attention and a little more imagination. +Memorial Marker. Needs rethinking of location, and also revamping of Snape's monologue, plus more insight into Harry's reaction. +Crazy!Remus. Has a title. Whee! Now I'm trying to figure out if it should be a real narrative of what he actually does or just a collection of his impressions as he comes back to awareness of what he's been doing. I.e., structural decisions must be made. I hate structure. +Hope Abides. Is either gonna be cannibalized for the detective fic or the beginning is going to be scrapped because of its generic SB/RL qualities, and taken from there. +Various L/R projects are on hold indefinitely, at least until some spark comes back. +The Dating Plan, aka, Josh/Donna. Oy. So jossed that I'm having a hard time working up enthusiasm to finish. it. Stories that are still vague (or not-so-vague) ideas in my head: +Dawnfic, post-Chosen +Justine fic, post-Chosen +Angel/Matrix crossover for random_hundreds (which is what led to the Justine fic idea actually). +Weiss/Faith for Celli +Aragorn/Boromir for Jules. +Sirius/Remus noir fic, which has a sketchy outline, but I will remind you that none of the stories I've outlined have ever been finished. This is also somewhat dependent on my coming up with a plausible non-Voldemort villain and also on what we're told of Sirius's summer in OotP. Alternately, it could be set post-war. +Big Sirius/Remus meets the AI Gang crossover. Yes, I'm still mulling it. Werewolves in LA. An Oz cameo. Would have to be set sometime in Season 3. +Ron/Hermione Thin Man. +Draco/Hermione Philadelphia Story or It Happened One Night. +Angsty Draco/Ginny. +Angling. The Luke contemplates Lorelai while teaching her to fish fic. I need to either see that ep again or read the transcript. I think that's it. Huh. That's more than I thought. I just need to get motivated to actually write, instead of reading really bad fic. Nasty, tricksy wordses. Why can't the story just flow from my head to the page? ~victoria link [current mood: thoughtful] [current music: And She Was - Talking Heads] [random quote: \"I have yet to find a sure thing that I don't doubt. I can't think of a thing I can safely think about\"] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. If you do not like or agree with the contents herein, or find them to be offensive on more than one occasion, please go elsewhere and don't come back. Management is not responsible for any adverse reactions to content within. The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme. The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney. 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