a fool's musings

Fool, said my muse to me, look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content achromatic unfinished fic graveyard recs journal new stuff recent stuff my back pages January 2004 December 2003 November 2003 October 2003 September 2003 August 2003 July 2003 June 2003 May 2003 April 2003 March 2003 February 2003 January 2003 December 2002 November 2002 October 2002 September 2002 August 2002 July 2002 June 2002 May 2002 April 2002 March 2002 February 2002 January 2002 December 2001 November 2001 the five Ws, or, all about me profile e-mail victoria my livejournal the original P&R comments current mood: "pathological and unbalanced" Items of Interest People LiveJournal folks Baraita bishclone claritylit Jintian Kat Allison Kit Mason metablog mix-tapes Neil Gaiman Nestra Sarah T. Seema Shrift Sundry Mourning zendom Music Walk On - U2 Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet Town Called Malice - The Jam One - U2 The Space Between - DMB Books Lord of the Rings Catch-22 The Neely Trilogy Absalom! Absalom! Possession: A Romance Foucault's Pendulum Dreamhouse LA Confidential I Capture the Castle Sandman Waking the Moon Shows Angel Buffy the Vampire Slayer (in reruns) Alias West Wing The Simpsons webrings < ? fanfiction ! > < ? writers ! > diaryreviews.diaryland.com NYC Bloggers Comments by Haloscan.com all links, if I haven't screwed up somehow, should open in a new browser window

08.06.03 - 4:40 p.m. Happy/Sad Sometimes I feel so happy Sometimes I feel so sad Happy: I just bought most the bits of the Raymond Chandler oeuvre that I don't own. Sad: That cost me $80 I don't really have. $80 I would have had to spare if I hadn't lost my goddamned $70 metrocard and had to buy a new one. Happy: It really only does take about six minutes to get from here to my stop on the 6 train. Sad: It takes twice as long to walk home from the subway as it does to get uptown. Happy: G is going to be out on vacation for a week starting Friday. Sad: He's driving me nugging futs before he goes. Happy: I'm nicely tanned from vacation. Sad: It's already fading as I sit in fluorescent lighting all day. Happy: I like a new summer show! Amazing! MI-5 is damned cool. Sad: I forgot it was on last night and missed it. Happy: the website recoding business is almost all done! Sad: Except for the 50-odd stories in the Unspoken Round Robin. Happy: I think the Unspoken graphic will look FAB on the new off-white background. *g* Sad: I'm still having trouble sleeping. Happy: the whole discussion of critique spawned by Destina's post on the subject Sad: that no one has linked my contribution to metablog or commented on it. Happy: that I've spent so much time involved in such an interesting discussion Sad: that the time I'm spending on the discussion is time I'm not spending writing fiction. Happy: I'm going to see Seabiscuit tomorrow night. Sad: instead of seeing PotC again. Happy: that the glass is half-full Sad: that the glass is half-empty. Linger on, your pale blue eyes... ~victoria link [current mood: happy/sad] [current music: Gallows Pole - Page and Plant] [random quote: Thought of you as my mountain top Thought of you as my peak Thought of you as everything I've had but couldn't keep] ~*~ 08.05.03 - 4:44 p.m. minor tuesday update Had lunch with SuperJill today. She got a job a block away, so we will probably do the lunch thang more often. Though, of course, I live seven blocks from Lee and have seen her precisely three times since I moved in 10 months ago, so you never can tell... We went to Ranch #1 - first time I've had fast food since December, when I had some KFC chicken fingers for dinner. It'll be two years on October 9 since I've had Mickey D's or BK or Wendy's or White Castle. I'm probably going to keep that streak alive, for the sake of my stomach. *** Me being long and rambling and linking to other people on critique. You know, it's not the fic I miss while I'm away from the internet, it's the meta. 'Struth. Because man, I have been metaing the day away - on LJ, on zendom, I just can't keep my big mouth shut. Of course, all this metaing means no fiction writing gets done, so... I will say I'm shocked and pleased and just... overwhelmed with love for all the people who've sent feedback/commented on the Remus Four Things fic. I *never* expected it to get this kind of reaction. I mean, I knew the Slytherin and Gryffindor sections might rouse some interest, but... man. I love you guys. I really, really do. ~victoria link [current mood: chatty] [current music: mysterious ways - u2] [random quote: \"There are three kinds of liars. Liars, damned liars, and statisticians.\" Benjamin Disraeli] ~*~ 08.04.03 - 11:58 a.m. I have *ideas*, man. Sleep deprivation is an awful thing. I hate Sunday nights. Sunday nights after a week off are the worst. I didn't get to sleep last night until sometime roundabout 3 am or after, so I'm working on 3 hours of sleep here. Meh. Anyhow, The Maleficent Dotificus emailed us this quote from CS Lewis, and I've been thinking about it, and I want you to think about it, too, as I will probably be discussing it at some point: It is astonishing how little attention critics have paid to Story considered in itself. Granted the story, the style in which it should be told, the order in which it should be disposed, and (above all) the delineation of the characters, have been abundantly discussed. But the Story itself, the series of imagined events, is nearly always passed over in silence, or else treated exclusively as affording opportunities for the delineation of character. ... the subject has been left almost untouched, and this has had a curious result. Those forms of literature in which Story exists merely as a means to something else--for example, the novel of manners where the story is there for the sake of the characters, or the criticism of social conditions--have had full justice done to them; but those forms in which everything else is there for the sake of the story have been given little serious attention. Not only have they been despised, as if they were fit only for children, but even the kind of pleasure they give has, in my opinion, been misunderstood. I am also contemplating discussing OTP, which was from before the vacation, the Problem of Sirius in Sirius/Remus shipping, Remus's characterization (both canon and fanon), the infantilization of language in fandom, and various of my 31 songs, which I still need to write about. I've also got the whole conversation Seema and I were having about writing, comments about Sirius to answer, more thoughts on The Death (and possible revival scenarios and why I think Denial is a possibility, even if a very, very slim one), and some thoughts about archiving (I never answered Kathe's comment on the subject, though I've had it sitting in a file waiting for me to do so). But I am tired and Draco is trying to seduce Ginny. What? I didn't *ask* for the bunny, but at 2am on Sunday nights, weird things happen. Also, Sirius. In Sunnydale. I have *ideas*, man, and I really hope I can make that story work. ~victoria link [current mood: tired] [current music: What Do All the People Know - The Monroes] [random quote: \"Better to reign in Hell than serve in Heaven.\" ~Paradise Lost, John Milton] ~*~ 08.03.03 - 8:10 p.m. pimping and whimpering When It Alteration Finds, the Four Things That Never Happened to Remus Lupin fic, is up on the site. I had this huge steak for dinner and I'm just so very sluggish right now. I can't believe I have to go into work tomorrow. Waaah... And no vacation again until Christmas time. ::whimper:: I guess I'll go back to answering old email and comments, and recoding fic. Oh! A new Remix...Redux story landed in my inbox while I was away: A Second Glance (The Falling Is Like This Remix) by Kyra Cullinan. Lovely DS9 fic. Go read. ~victoria link [current mood: full] [current music: Wonderful - Everclear] [random quote: Promises mean everything when you're little and the world's so big] ~*~ 08.02.03 - 9:36 p.m. it's a small world after all I'm ba-ack... Rambly account of the vacay here. I'd hoped to have something to share, some bit of writing, but meh, I didn't do much on the vacation. I've got a small snip of Sirius/Remus reunion fic - actually, two separate reunion fics that will be merged into one if I can figure it out, but I've been in such a funk about The Death that I haven't worked on them. Somehow it seems so pointless to get them back together only to have them end so sadly. This is the Sirius POV, and it will probably change drastically before it ever becomes a postable story. But I feel productive if I can share a snip, and since I don't have anything else in near postable shape (except the Four Things story, which I will post soon), I'll share this: He's not in love. He tells himself that at least a dozen times a day, and he believes it for about half of them. He knows that if he weren't, really, he'd have no need to say it, but logic has never been his strong point; it's something he ignores when it suits him, and right now, it suits him right down to the ground. Love has no place in his life right now. At least, not the kind of love he tells himself he doesn't feel for Remus. He has a mission, and he's chosen to accept it. He laughs at that. Lily loved that show, forced them all to watch it when it was on. He and Remus played at being secret agents -- James Bond, Jim Phelps -- and the fact that it wasn't all play led to secrets and suspicions and -- He wrenches his mind away from those thoughts. He can't afford self-recrimination any more than he can afford love right now. The few days he spent with Remus were both heaven and hell. He'd managed to hold onto or reclaim some of the big memories -- learning about the curse, the first full moon Padfoot, Prongs and Wormtail ran with Moony, James and Lily's wedding, Harry's birth -- but he'd forgotten all the little details that had once been so deeply ingrained they were like parts of himself. The way Remus could curl up and lose himself in a book so that not even a stampede of elephants through the common room would disturb him. The light in his eyes when he'd found some new piece of information he found exciting and wanted to share. The off-key croak of his singing whenever he was in a good mood. The bad puns. The furrow between his brows when he was puzzling over something-- Sirius tells himself to stop it. Now he's heading back to Remus's flat, to rest and recover before the move to Grimmauld Place. The thought of returning to his childhood home makes his stomach clench in dread and he hopes he can make it through the week without alienating his best friend with his short temper and sharp tongue. And the feelings he thought were dead and gone after twelve years in Azkaban. He vaguely recalls having this same conversation with himself back before everything went to hell. He's still not sure why he never told Remus how he felt. It wasn't as if they hadn't been sleeping together half the time anyway. The thought brings a smile to his face, an unfamiliar feeling but one he likes and wants to feel over and over again, now that he can. He thinks about it, about how afraid he was to jeopardize the friendship, to admit he was in love with one of his best friends. Somehow, at the time, it was easier to have sex and reassure each other that it didn't mean anything. Didn't mean they were gay, didn't mean they were in love, didn't mean anything more than getting each other off when they couldn't find someone else down at the pub. God, we were stupid. *** That's all I've got. I've got some Remus POV stuff, but it's way to fanon!Remus to share. It needs to be revised. Housewife!Remus must be banished! Though I do like Writer!Remus a lot. *g* What else? Oh, the recoding of Achromatic is coming along swimmingly. I may never ever get used to calling it Achromatic instead of Muse's Fool, but eh, who really cares about that sort of thing? I'm fairly certain I'm giving up on going back more than a day on LiveJournal - there's just too much and I'm just not that desperate for entertainment. I've also been thinking about a few things - mostly, about how small fandom is, and how most people don't realize that until it bites them in the ass. I've been lucky. I don't think I've pissed off anybody I really care about, nor anybody who could really hurt me in any way, you know? I've had disagreements, and debates and I've said some things that were probably the essence of tactless, but on the whole, I don't think there's anybody out there sticking pins in a victoria p. doll. Not anybody I care about, anyway, nor anybody I'll run into in new fandoms. And I think that's a good thing. I've learned how to argue without resorting to ad hominems, something many people never do, and most especially on the fannish side of the internet, where it often seems that disagreeing equals "oh, she hates me!" when really, it's just disagreeing on something and not at all personal. I mean, yes, there are people I dislike, but I don't think you could tell who most of them are. I can nurse a grudge like nobody's business (Sicilian and Irish, remember *g*), but with one or two exceptions, I'm able to peacefully co-exist with people with whom I've had major disagreements. At least, I think am. I haven't heard anything to the contrary. Hmm... ~victoria link [current mood: thoughtful] [current music: Red Caps on tv in the background] [random quote: Love is not love Which alters when it alteration finds] ~*~ 07.26.03 - 12:28 a.m. gone On vacation See ya in a week. [current mood: ] [current music: ] [random quote: ] ~*~ 07.25.03 - 12:57 p.m. Vacation Recs Request Okay, I'm leaving on vacation tomorrow morning, and will be without Internet access for a week. A full seven days, savvy? ::whimper:: So what I want is recs. I want *you* to rec something to me - preferably something that comes out this week while I'm away (and something in a fandom and pairing I read), but that's not necessary. Rec your favorite story (by you or someone else). Rec your best story. Rec the story that you think is awesome but everyone seems to have forgotten. Just drop a comment here (or, you know, down there) with a link and a blurb. When I get back, I will put them on my reading list, and then, when I'm done reading and if I like them, I'll add 'em to my recs and pimp the hell out of 'em, savvy? This goes for anyone ouot there who stumbles across this page, LJ user or not, whether or not this LJ is on your friends list or vice versa. Come on, gimme a rec. *** I guarantee nothing but that I'll read. Things I won't read include Logan/Jean of any stripe, Spuffy, RPF, bloodplay. Fandoms I do read in include XMM, BtVS/Angel, HP (go easy on the Snape, though, 'cause he's not my cuppa. If you can find me some sweet SBRL, that'd be awesome), LotR (Elves and Men [and Eowyn!]preferable to Hobbits), SV, Gilmore Girls, Good Omens, West Wing, Alias, Star Wars (prequels or Original Trilogy but not book-based), Homicide, Firefly, PotC ... yeah, I'm a fairly wide reader with a very focused range of interests. *snicker* *** Highlighted my hair last night after I got home from drinks with Lee. I always highlight my hair right before I go on vacation. The hope is that people will think the scary red streaks are natural and due to sun and chlorine when I come back. *snicker* Sad, I know. At least I think I managed to cover the greys this time. Last time I missed a few of them, which was really fucking annoying. I didn't get a chance to get a pedicure or have my eyebrows waxed. Maybe I'll give up my lunch hour for one of those things. Hmmm... *** The Big Death in Fiction Essay is up in the LJ. Spoilers for jsut about everything, including X2, X3, OotP and the whole Jossverse. Go. Read. Tell me what you think. ~victoria madly trying to get some filing done before I leave for vacay. link [current mood: busy] [current music: Fixing a Hole - the Beatles] [random quote: \"Arthur, my moustache is touching my brain!\" - The Tick] ~*~ 07.24.03 - 9:57 a.m. "No honor guard. No honor guard. No honor guard." So they're eliminating my bus stop. Fucking Mayor Mike. *I* certainly didn't vote for him, I'll tell you that. It's no big deal to walk the three blocks to the next bus stop, but the principle of the thing pisses me off. Because you know that the first step is eliminating decent local service, the next is eliminating most of the local stops, and in my neighborhood especially, there are a lot of old people and people with mobility aids. And making them go an extra three blocks is a big deal (and yeah, I'm lazy and I like the fact that on my stop, there's hardly anybody on the bus, but that there are hordes of people at the next stop, which is a limited stop, but still, I am at least currently able-bodied, but there are a lot of folks who aren't anymore). In other news, Lee is supposed to be coming over tonight. She hasn't been to the apt. since the weekend I moved in. She lives 7 blocks away. Between the same avenues. This is typical. Of course, having known each other since we were 15, it's okay. The only friend I've known longer is the one I speak to even less frequently. *snerk* There's something about those friendships, though. I know I could pick up the phone and call Lee or Rita (or Glenda or Diana) and it would be like we'd spoken yesterday, even if it'd been six months (and in some cases it has been). And that reminds me -- when I get back from Lake George, I ought to call Maria and see if we can arrange something so I can see Young Daniel. I'm musing on lots of stuff right now. Season 3 of Homicide is coming out in October. You know what this means, right? "No honor guard. No honor guard. No honor guard." Which is making me think about death in popular fiction, or, more pointedly, *meaningful* death in popular fiction, and death that's just.... pointless. Useless. Seems to serve no purpose whatsoever. I'm formulating thoughts, and will probably be posting on the subject later, on the LJ, where I can cut tag for spoilers. I suppose I still need to spoiler protect for OotP? I'm not planning to for X2. Hmmm... Plus, that writing discussion Seema and I have been having is still ongoing (at least, I made comments yesterday and guess she'll be responding at some point), I've got the Sirius-characterization comments to answer (and more theories to formulate) and I have Sirius-James-Snape thoughts, based on repeated listenings to "32 Flavors" and well, in this scenario, James and Sirius are the 'pretty girls' who are hated. Trust me. It makes a lot of sense, and I totally sympathize with young!Snape. And arrgh! G. used my phone this morning and it reeks of his cologne. Gah. Oh! Also, I redid the Links page at Achromatic (which is the name of the site now. I have to get used to calling it that. Muse's Fool v. 3.0: Achromatic. *snerk*) I have a new linking policy - selected archives, recs sites and informational sites only. 'Cause I can't keep track of when all y'all move your sites around. Also, no more graphics. I'm all text, baby. Black and white (well, charcoal and off-white, technically) and read all over. *g* ~victoria link [current mood: thoughtful] [current music: Wonderful Tonight - Eric Clapton] [random quote: \"That silly man and his silly cookies.\"] ~*~ previous - next DiaryLand Disclaimer: Reading this diary is not required by law. If you do not like or agree with the contents herein, or find them to be offensive on more than one occasion, please go elsewhere and don't come back. Management is not responsible for any adverse reactions to content within. The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme. The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney. This site is best viewed with IE4+ | 1024x768 | true color | verdana | tables