a fool's musings

Boreas by Waterhouse
Fool, said my muse to me,
look in thy heart and write...

Warning: Adult Content

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the five Ws, or, all about me

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current mood: current mood

"pathological and unbalanced"

Items of Interest

    Music
  • Walk On - U2
  • Thunder Road - Bruce Springsteen
  • If I Can't Change Your Mind - Sugar
  • Sick of Myself - Matthew Sweet
  • Town Called Malice - The Jam
  • One - U2
  • The Space Between - DMB
    Books
  • Lord of the Rings
  • Catch-22
  • The Neely Trilogy
  • Absalom! Absalom!
  • Possession: A Romance
  • Foucault's Pendulum
  • Dreamhouse
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  • I Capture the Castle
  • Sandman
  • Waking the Moon

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  • Angel

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08.28.03 - 11:44 a.m.

Sparing you the gory details

I will spare you the recitation of my lower GI tract distress, which made my visit with Maria, Tim and Young Daniel fraught with potential for embarrassment and left me late for work this morning.

Suffice it to say, no more Mr. Softee for me. Ever.

Daniel is adorable and Maria and Tim are fabulous parents, which anyone who knows them would have guessed.

Jill was there also.

We had pizza and chatted for a few hours about lots of stuff, baby-related, non-baby-related etc. A lovely evening, cut short not only by the new parents' desire to get to bed early, but by the way my lungs were beginning to close up from being in proximity to a cat for too long without any Benadryl.

Zarley is a ... feisty cat, but she knows better than to come near me.

*snerk*

Now I am carefully eating my bagel, monitoring all internal signs for a recurrence of aforementioned distress, redoing a dozen letters I've already redone twice (not my fault either time. stupid people who don't know how to format the first time, then a terminology error that slipped by the higher-ups to be caught by MW), contemplating my essay on Remus that I've been talking about for ages but haven't written yet, and trying to recall who volunteered to beta the razorfic and who might Brit beta it.

Huh.

Things are going on.

~victoria



link

[current mood: alert]
[current music: The Boys Are Back in Town - Thin Lizzie]
[random quote: You want explanations I don't even understand If you need someone to blame Throw a rock in the air you'll hit someone]

~*~

08.27.03 - 2:31 p.m.

only to me do these things happen...

I just had the most bizarre experience.

I went out to get stamps and there was a Mister Softee truck outside the post office, as there often is in the summer, and so I decided to get a vanilla shake. Because mmm... vanilla shake...

Anyway, I'm wearing a skirt with no pockets, so when the guy hands me my change, my hands are already full of wallet (left hand) and shake (right hand).

I turn away and attempt to put the money in my wallet, and a breeze blows just at that moment, and three of my hard-earned and very precious at this point in the month dollars go fluttering away, only to be stepped on by this old guy getting ready to cross the street.

So I squat to pick up the money, and he won't lift his foot.

I'm like, "Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me, you're standing on my money!" and banging on his ankle.

Finally he lifts his foot and I get my cash free.

Of course, there's a crowd of people on the corner now, laughing at me.

Sigh.

Only to me would this happen.

In other news, aside from the laundry service/bordello dream, I also dreamt that I was watching Nicki and Tricia, and that I somehow lost Nicki.

It was very unpleasant. She was there, and then she was just *gone*. Wandered off on her own, but in the maze of this strange neighborhood where all the houses were red brick and all had begonias out front and just all looked exactly the same, I couldn't trace my steps to find her.

It was horrifying is more like it, especially when Dom showed up, and it turned out Lionel Luthor was his father-in-law.

I was very glad to wake up from that dream. Nightmare, more like, though I didn't have sweaty palms or a racing heart or anything when I woke up. And I knew it was a dream immediately. Usually nightmares stick with me - the images and the feelings are very vivid and very present all day long.

Now, I am going to eat my fruit, drink my shake, cobble together an LJ entry based on my comments on this post on fannish jargon by Hope, and oh yeah, send the razorfic off to be betaed.

Whee! Razorfic is done! And the Remus-Tonks-bastard!Sirius thing is almost done as well. Oh, I haven't mentioned that have I? That was supposed to be a comedy, but now it isn't. Poor Tonks. She didn't stand a chance. Plus, I did get back the beta on the Trio fic, so I have to edit that up...

Plus, actual, you know, work-related work.

And I'm *finally* going to meet Young Daniel tonight, as Jill and I are both going to Maria's for dinner.

Babies! Whee! Love babies! Especially other people's.

~victoria



link

[current mood: bemused]
[current music: Roxanne - the Police]
[random quote: \"Life is a big wild crazy tossed salad, but you don't eat it, no sir! You live it!\" The TIck]

~*~

08.26.03 - 12:11 p.m.

the perils of dicking around

Yesterday I got almost no work done at work. I was in a haze of sleepy Monday-ness.

Normally, this wouldn't be worth remarking on, except for the strange circumstances in which I found myself - I actually had work to do.

Shocking, I know.

Which means that this morning has been spent trying to catch up.

When your job is as slow-paced as mine is during the summer months, this is a bit of a shocker.

It's all workaday boring stuff - packages to mail out, expense reports to input - but it's the kind of stuff that takes time and attention to detail, neither of which I'd been bothering to devote to them, and now they've got to get done rightthissecond.

So of course I'm dicking around writing in my diary and running downstairs to buy my copy of TTT so I can be all fangirly tonight and watch it, possibly in a marathon with FotR. Depending on what time I get home and how ambitious I am.

Oh well, back to the grind.

Ooh! "When I Saw Her Standing There"! Love this song. Love. It.

~victoria



link

[current mood: sleepy yet busy]
[current music: When I Saw Her Standing There - Beatles]
[random quote: Oh we danced through the night and we held each other tight and before too long I fell in love with her]

~*~

08.25.03 - 9:20 a.m.

my weekend, by victoria p.

Arrgh.

Tried to update last night and couldn't.

Not that I had anything brilliant to say, just... I like updating when I have something to tell, not waiting for the next morning.

Went to dinner last night with Leslie and Doris. It was a lot of fun. Family style restaurant, so we had a plate of spaghetti and meatballs, and a plate of the chicken special, which was chicken breasts allegedly stuffed with mozzarella and proscuitto. I say allegedly because mine had no stuffing.

Hmph.

hate that.

They did have mozzarella in carrozza on the menu, which is one of my favorite things ever, so that made me happy. Most restaurants switched to mozzarella sticks sometime in the early 90s and never went back, but a few places still make mozzarella in carrozza, which is, for the ignorant among you, like a breaded and deepfriend mozzarella grilled cheese sandwich.

And yes, it really is as good as it sounds. *g*

Then we shared a tiramisu, which was a bit of a disappointment, as they seem to subscribe to the sponge cake variation, rather than the proper savoiardi version.

All in all, it was a lovely dinner on a lovely evening.

The whole weekend was great. Becky's 40th birthday/goodbye New York party on Saturday night was a blast (though the soundtrack at the bar was a little ... odd, with a lot of early 90s one-hit wonders and some Neil Diamond thrown in, but not your typical Crackling Rosie or Cherry Cherry. No, this was something far more obscure, the name of which escapes me at the moment).

Also, the F station at 63rd and Lex? Is the bowels of hell.

Four escalators to get to the surface. Four *long-ass* and *steep* escalators.

I was by myself and it was one thirty in the am. It was kinda creepy.

Being the overly-imaginative, morbid soul that I am, I kept envisioning horrific scenarios by which I ended up dead (or Worse!) and had to listen to my parents do the whole, "If she had only taken a cab like we told her to..." speech.

Anyhow, I obviously got home without any Fates Worse than Death hounding me, unless you consider the unfortunate disturbances in my GI tract a FWtD, which, if I had been stuck in the subway, I might have, but since I wasn't, I don't. *g*

In other news, Niobe is up on the site - Remus and Hermione in the aftermath of the deaths of their loved ones.

Wanky and pretentious, but I like it.

~victoria



link

[current mood: sleepy]
[current music: The Space Between - DMB]
[random quote: the space between the bullets in our fire fight is where I'll be hiding waiting for you]

~*~

08.22.03 - 3:42 p.m.

Storm can call down lightning. He has a metal skeleton. You do the math.

Okay, someone was searching for "Wolverine rapes Storm" fanfiction and hit this diary.

1. I don't understand the desire to turn Logan into a rapist and

2. Storm can call down lightning. He has a metal skeleton. You do the math.

::shakes head::

Maybe it's me...

In other news, I Am So Going to the Special Hell.

The first part of Triangle, a H/R/Hr fic, is up in the LJ.

~victoria



link

[current mood: bemused]
[current music: (Angels Wanna Wear My) Red Shoes - Elvis Costello]
[random quote: well I used to be disgusted now I try to be amused since their wings have gotten rusted the angels wanna wear my red shoes]

~*~

08.22.03 - 9:54 a.m.

redesign update

So the Unspoken Round Robin is all recoded and uploaded. In skimming through a bunch of the stories, I have to say, for 8 or 9 different authors over the course of several months, we certainly kept the stories and characters remarkably in sync. Sure, if you were to look at it as along fic instead of a bunch of stories strung together, it'd need a hell of a lot of editing (and an ending), but overall, considering how things were getting thrown in left and right and nobody had any clear idea of where it was going (except to get Logan/Rogue and Scott/Jean together) I think we did pretty well.

In fact, I wouldn't mind seeing it finished off...

In other site news, I also uploaded The Big List o'Fic in Alphabetical Order.

'Cause I'm up to 251 stories now (I think. I did a quick count the other night as a I was coding, but counting and I are never comfortable together), and that needs some organizing.

Also some therapy.

::shakes head::

Though I think five months of planned unemployment is a good rationale for having written so much.

Yeah. That's it.

Let me know if any stories or anything show up in the old blue and gold format instead of the sexay new charcoal and off-white.

***

I was looking over my recs to do my update, and I've been pathetic this month. Or else I've read a lot of stuff I didn't think was fabulous.

The truth is somewhere in between, probably.

But I still have a number of the things you all recced to me to read, and I know there are a couple things I read on LJ which I was waiting until they showed up in an archive to rec, so all hope is not lost.

Not that it would kill me to do a small(er) set of recs. I dunno. I just have a thing about it.

See therapy, above. *g*

~victoria



link

[current mood: sleepy]
[current music: Pride and Joy - SRV]
[random quote: \"Like who would have thought that dolphins could go bad and that fish were magnetic? Not me, no sir, not me.\" The Tick]

~*~

08.21.03 - 1:43 p.m.

Schwannoma!

I fear my brain sometimes.

Someone was searching for the term "buttless skirt" and actually found it in this diary.

And will find it again, soon.

Jesus.

I was just making commentary on some fellow commuter's ensemble. I sometimes forget that people are FREAKS and might be searching for something like that.

Why does no one search for dystopic rhinoplasty or antediluvian schwannomas*? Not that either of those things actually *exists*, but then who the hell thinks that such a thing as a buttless skirt exists, except for producers and purveyors of cheesy 'marital aids'?

Which makes me wonder, did 'narcoleptic oral sex' ever get a hit? Or was it narcoleptic something-else that I was randomly dropping into entries to see if anyone would search for it? I can't remember.

I mean, I expect the porno searches, due to some of the -ahem- adult content of the diary, but some things just amuse me when I'm rambling about some random occurrence and I use a word that in conjunction with a wholly-unrelated-in-that-context word that turns up some strange fetishistic thing.

Meanwhile, when I write seriously on a fetishistic/adult/"taboo" topic, like the incest in fiction essay, it doesn't turn up on the first couple of pages of Google at all.

And, of course, I have the LJ specifically being not indexed so that searches won't turn up my entries, but I may turn that feature off (on?) and just lock all posts that I don't want people to read - and those are usually just the ones about BEMC.

Because dude, I've written some good shit about writing, characterization, and other... stuff. I want my genius to be available to the poor unwashed masses...

Yeah, I'm laying it on a bit thick. I'm having a bit of a roller-coastery day. The lease thing is taken care of - I'm not going to be tossed out on the street come October 1, but I inadvertantly appear to have hurt someone's feelings or something, I can't quite tell, not to mention making someone else feel completely incompetent and ignorant (again, unintentionally. I like to think that when I'm insulting or belittling someone intentionally, they know it and *I* know it. I'm really quite good at it, actually), and then on top of *that* I learned that one of my few Mary Sue fics was, yes, mocked as being a Mary Sue fic. I wonder what they'd make of the other blatant Mary Sue fic? Except it's not XMM, it's BtVS....It's also labeled quite clearly, "This is a Mary Sue." I guess I didn't label the other. I'll remedy that tonight. *snicker*

Of course, I said the deadly words last night - "life is good."

Stupid, stupid vic.

Of course, if random strangers mocking me on the internet is the worst thing that happens, life really *is* good, so I can't complain too much.

Now I think it is time to go to lunch and then get back to finishing up the razorfic. And writing to Remus, as Sirius has a few things he wants to say.

*schwannomas, obviously, do exist. My brother has them in his right arm and chest. It's just *antediluvian* ones that don't. *g* And I just like saying, "Schwannoma!"

~victoria



link

[current mood: amused]
[current music: All Day and All of the Night - the Kinks]
[random quote: “Don’t think ‘cause I understand, I care. Don’t think ‘cause we’re talking, we’re friends.” - “6 Underground” -Sneaker Pimps]

~*~

08.20.03 - 4:38 p.m.

SERENITY NOW!!!

I have just had the fun of ordering UPS supplies online and now I am waiting for the order to be bounced back because I do not have authorization. *snerk*

Ah bureaucracy.

I'm also in a tizzy because the management company hasn't deposited my check that I sent along with my lease renewal, adn I sent the damn new lease thingy overnight and I know they received it, so now I'm panicking, but I don't have the phone number for the place with me, and gah, I hate people. I know the phone number is written somewhere here at work, but I can't find it.

::deep breath::

I just want to go home and go to sleep, but I have a dr's appt tonight. Gah.

I don't see how hard it is to just deposit hte damn check or CALL ME if there's a problem. I mean, it's not like they don't know where I live. They freaking own the building...

SERENITY NOW!!!!

In other news, a brief Remus/Hermione fic is up in the LJ: Niobe. Needs some work, though. That's what you get for the 3am Oh, god, I'm itching to write what the hell am I thinking oh, that sounds good thing I went through last night.

Also, there are more Summer Letters up. I think you can see where Sirius gets his anxiety from. *g*

~victoria



link

[current mood: anxious]
[current music: Eleanor Rigby - the Beatles]
[random quote: it's no secret ambition bites the nails of success]

~*~

08.19.03 - 9:48 a.m.

Tuesday morning ramble

I was writing this update when our friendly neighborhood IT guy came around to do some stuff on my PC, so I copied it out and shut down all non-work-related stuff.

Oy.

I hate that.

The thing is, I don't think those guys even *care*, really, except that since it's their job, they're supposed to make sure we're not doing anything wrong, you know?

Sigh.

Life would be much better if people would just let people goof off.

***

I updated the site last night, adding my little Thestrals drabble (Failing Hope) I wrote for this week's hp100, and the what some of you may recall as the cheesefic, aka, Jumping to Conclusions, in which Logan makes an erroneous assumption.

I decided that I wasn't ever gonna rewrite it into a better story, so I might as well just post the thing and get it off my list. Like the failed Hermione/Cho fic - some things you just *know* you're not gonna ever revise or finish, you know?

And I say, "you know" far too often, more often even than "like," which is really saying something. I mean, I try not to say either of them too much, but then when I write here or in the LJ, I'm writing almost exactly as if I were talking, and it comes out and it feels right to me, because I can hear myself saying this stuff, so I leave it in.

Sigh.

Anyhow.

On the razorfic, Sirius is still fumbling around trying to undress Remus... you know, with all the talking Sirius does, you think he'd be good at this, but noooo! He's a fumbler.

Of course, Remus is being patient, but still. This is an impediment to Getting Remus Off, which is definitely part of my Fic Mission nowadays, since I seem to do nothing but compound the already massive amount of sorrow JKR has heaped upon the poor man.

And now I've been distracted by chatting with a co-worker who wasn't in yesterday, so we had to exchange stories about our Blackout adventures.

So I'm just gonna go. *g*

~victoria



link

[current mood: amused]
[current music: Piano Man - Billy Joel]
[random quote: \"Cunnilingus and psychiatry brought us to this!\" Tony Soprano, The Sopranos]

~*~

08.18.03 - 12:53 p.m.

the lost blowjob

I was right.

Ah, music to my ears. *g*

When I opened Word this morning on the work PC, all the files I had open on Thursday when the power went out came up as "recovered files".

Unfortunately, I either burnished the whole blowjob scene in my memory after it was lost, or it wasn't even saved by autosave, 'cause all I got was an extra line and some wording I couldn't recall. Not the two paragraphs I'm *sure* I wrote.

Sigh.

Oh well. The Lost Blowjob will just go down in history as The Best Blowjob Ever Written. *G*

Both Sirius and Remus are regretting its loss, but they enjoyed it while it happened, whereas I am stuck with the second, less perfect version.

*snicker*

Speaking of Sirius and Remus, more Summer Letters have been written - James finally responds to everyone, and Lily has some choice words for Sirius and James, and flirts outrageously with our adorable teenage werewolf.

So. Much. Fun.

Sirius is already plotting his response to her blatant falsehoods, and James (and his dad) are just killing me.

Acadine has a great rant about writing and slash that says some things I've thought on more than one occasion, and says them well.

I've also written the next of my 31 songs essays, on Jungleland, by Bruce Springsteen.

And I'm contemplating burning off a couple XMM fics that will never be finished. Maybe later today.

~victoria



link

[current mood: amused]
[current music: Ballad of John and Yoko - John Lennon]
[random quote: the poets down here Don't write nothing at all, They just stand back and let it all be]

~*~

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The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme.

The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney.

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