a fool's musings

Boreas by Waterhouse
Fool, said my muse to me,
look in thy heart and write...

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09.22.03 - 12:34 p.m.

The Funny Is The Fickle

So last night I dreamt that Josh and Sam were getting frisky in Josh's office (and in full sight of some interns who weren't gonna keep quiet about it. Silly Josh.) while Donna was being called in for questioning about a murder in which Josh was implicated (there was forensic evidence that Josh had been in intimate contact with the woman who was murdered).

I did go to bed early, so I feel much more refreshed and capable of functioning as a human being than I did most of last week.

Which means maybe I can get some writing done. Wheeha!

I did start editing the razorfic, though the rewrites haven't begun yet. I need ot figure out if I'm really gonna move stuff around completely or just rewrite around what I've already got.

I'd like to finish Mother Knows Best (aka Mollyfic), but The Funny is The Fickle, as I was saying to Bethy the other night. Angst is always hanging around, begging to be written. The Funny is much ... stingier with her favors. Almost miserly, in fact. Which makes it much more difficult to write when one isn't 'feeling it' or 'in the groove'. You can bull your way through drama or action in a way you can't with comedy, not if you want it to be funny and look effortless.

That's the key to comedy - as soon as people can see you sweat, you're done for. The strain CANNOT show. Which is why comedy is, in the end, harder than drama or angst or tragedy or whatever you wanna call it. Because you can't really afford those dead spots or clunkers that you can have in drama as long as you make up for it with a killer end. A comedy that goes flat in the middle is a comedy that no one will ever finish reading.

I think a lot of people don't understand this, and that is why comedy gets so little respect, both within fandom, and in the larger 'real world'.

For them what care, a bit of a ranty essay on how fanfic influences our reading of canon, over in the LJ.

~victoria



link

[current mood: chatty]
[current music: Mysterious Ways - u2]
[random quote: 'send lawyers guns and money and get me out of this' ~ Warren Zevon]

~*~

09.21.03 - 9:21 p.m.

Remus's sins

So very sleepy.

That's what staying up until 4am will do to you. Even though I got almost six hours of sleep, I'm still all yawny now. All the fresh air probably did me in. And the excitement at the end fo the Giants' game. They just can't stand prosperity.

So I wrote All the Sinners, Saints, which is a series of seven drabbles based on the Seven Deadly Sins, all featuring Remus Lupin, from the night of October 31, 1981 through sometime in August 1993 when he accepts the DADA job.

I'm planning now to do a set of Sirius-centric drabbles based either on the Seven Cardinal Virtues or the Seven Contrary Virtues (which are the virtues that counteract the seven deadlies) set post-GoF (and maybe during OotP, though god knows he doesn't show much virtuous behavior in OotP. Sigh.).

While I adore Remus, I in no way think of him as a saint, so most of the sins weren't too hard to write, especially in that scenario, but greed... greed almost did me in.

Because if ever there were someone who's just *not* greedy, it's Remus Lupin. I mean, maybe he has had occasion to want things, but come on - it's hard to be greedy when you've got nothing. I don't think it's *wrong* to want *something* when you've got nothing.

But I think it worked out okay.

The other thing ... vanity. I had envy on my list, and if there's any sin Remus *is* guilty of (aside from pride and anger), it's probably envy. Wanting what other people have - not in a material way, but in the way of everything that life has taken from him, and also in the way of everything that his society denies him.

Vanity, otoh... Again, not a sin I associate with him at all. I mean, patched robes, shaggy greying hair, old before his time, etc. This is not a man who really cares what he looks like (anymore - as a younger man, he probably cared more).

However, I think there is one thing he's... not vain about so much as prideful, or perhaps overly-dignified (and perhaps I'm overly influenced by fanon on this point, but it makes sense to me) - I can imagine him being horrified that Harry et al. saw him transform that night outside the Shrieking Shack (and as an aside, I'd *still* like an explanation of why he didn't transform in the shack itself, because it isn't moonrise when they leave, it's just cloudy. So something is wrong there.).

So I'm thinking as a transition between the Remus-sin drabbles and the Sirius-virtue drabbles, I may do vanity and that night/the next morning. His thoughts about Harry seeing him transform.

And then Sirius. Who exhibits all the cardinal virtues at one point or another, but can't seem to make them work for him long-term. I have to think more, but I'm so very, very sleepy.

Which is where I came in... *g*

~victoria



link

[current mood: sleepy]
[current music: the hum of the fan]
[random quote: \"Hypocrisy is an homage that vice renders to virtue.\" ~de la Rochefoucauld]

~*~

09.20.03 - 10:21 p.m.

Melissa and Metallica

Sad But True
Hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who takes you there
hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who cares
they
they betray
I'm your only true friend now
they
they'll betray
I'm forever there

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
you know it's sad but true

you
you're my mask
you're my cover, my shelter
you
you're my mask
you're the one who's blamed
do
do my work
do my dirty work, scapegoat
do
do my deeds
for you're the one who's shamed

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true

I'm your dream, mind astray
I'm your eyes while you're away
I'm your pain while you repay
you know it's sad but true

hate
I'm your hate
I'm your hate when you want love
pay
pay the price
pay, for nothing's fair

hey
I'm your life
I'm the one who took you here
hey
I'm your life
and I no longer care

I'm your dream, make you real
I'm your eyes when you must steal
I'm your pain when you can't feel
sad but true

I'm your truth, telling lies
I'm your reasoned alibis
I'm inside open your eyes
I'm you

sad but true

***

Yes I Am
In these days and these hours of fury
When the darkness and answers are thin
Lovers come and check out in a hurry
Shallow and hollow again
Come lay your body beside me
To dream to sleep with the lamb
To the question your eyes seem to send

Am I your passion your promise your end
I say I am
Yes I am
Your passion your promise your end
Yes I am
Barring divine intervention
There is nothing between you and I
And if I carelessly forgot to mention
Your body your power can sanctify
Come feed your hunger your thirst
Lay it down the beast will die
You can question my heart once again
Am I your passion your promise your end
I say I am
Yes I am
Your passion your promise your end
Yes I am
I will stand firm in the tempest
I will ride destinys' trail
To believe when the truth comes up empty
To hold and respect without fail
Come and be one in the motion
A desire they cannot comprehend
Never to question again
For I am your passion your promise your end
Oh yes I am

***

I was in a Metallica and Melissa mood today, which is an odd combo.

It's also a sign of my continued obsession that both these songs were easily slotted into Sirius/Remus stories in my head (stories, I might add, that include Victoria Sue and therefore will never be written. *snerk* The only MS I think I may still write is the Legolas one. because I think that could be a fun story, and I think I could make her not a MS. She doesn't die tragically. She doesn't save the day. She doesn't get the Elf. She may not even get to sleep with him before he leaves her for the Dwarf. It's been a while. You see, I can always tell which obsession is strongest by which Mary Sue gets the most play in my head. Right now, it's the R/S one. And yes, she has both R and S. May as well do it up right if you're going to do it. *snerk*).

I've begun editing the razorfic and it doesn't suck as much as I thought it did. The banter is quite fun, and I like the characterization.

The sex is a whole different story.

Grrr... to writing sex scenes.

I also have a Remus/Bill idea I may write. I dunno. I have to finish Mother Knows Best, but I can't really think of anywhere funny to take it. Sigh. And both Remember to Breathe and the currently untitled Lily/James/Sirius/Remus epic need more to differentiate them.

I think I may bring the blood oaths business from Wherever You Will Go into play in the epic, which really needs a title, because I can't keep calling it the LJSR epic, because that brings up bad XMM associations. *snerk*

I also have to do the Ron/Hermione Thin Man thing. and the Dogstar Detective Agency. And It Happened One Night with D/Hr.

Before my obsession dies down.

*g*

~victoria



link

[current mood: ambitious]
[current music: You Know You're Right - Nirvana]
[random quote: “Well, I'm a self-flagellating hypocrite slut. What was the question?” Kate Lockley, Angel]

~*~

09.19.03 - 9:34 a.m.

Arrr!

Arr!

Happy Talk Like a Pirate Day!

I think we have the wondrous Dave Barry to thank for this, but I could be wrong.

Hope everyone survived the hurricane intact.

Technology hates me, and apparently sleep does too.

I am going home tonight and napping, dammit. I don't care. There's no West Wing to stay awake for... Oh god, did I bawl when they wheeled Josh into the ER. And I *know* he turns out okay. But it's *Josh*. And then the look on Donna's face.

*whimper*

As I've said before, it may have begun as her having a crush on him, but did you see that look on her face? So real, so perfect an evocation of shock, of, "What? I'm not understanding what you're saying, because if I did understand it, things would be very very bad."

Speaking of which, just got some more bad news.

Sigh.

Some people (not me) just have no fucking luck. I don't understand it.

In less anxious news, I updated the site last night, adding Only Themselves to Blame, in which Peter Pettigrew listens and learns, and sets his feet upon the wrong path; and Always Wakeful, a Ged/Tenar double drabble set sometime after Tehanu. Could even be after The Other Wind. I'm not sure.

Sigh. I am occasionally tempted to write some AUish Ged/Tenar where it doesn't take them 30 years to get together. Stupid magical asexuality.

~victoria



link

[current mood: worried]
[current music: Someone Saved My Life Tonight - Elton John]
[random quote: \"Revenge is like you taking poison, and hoping the other guy dies.\" Tim Bayliss, HLotS]

~*~

09.18.03 - 9:41 a.m.

stupid body, needing upkeep

So I had a doctor's appointment last night, for which I arrived half an hour early.

My appointment was 6pm. I arrived at 5:30.

I didn't get into an examining room until 7:10.

Jesus.

Then, he proceeds to tell me I've gained weight (last time I'd lost weight. It all seems to even out in the end, unfortunately. I knew I'd put weight back on at Lake George. I could *feel* myself getting sluggish), my BP is good, and I have a cold.

Um, is there anything there I didn't know?

So it costs me $37 and two hours round trip to get there and then home, and for what? So he could tell me things I already know?

Thank god the appointment itself only costs $15. Which is why they drag you in 3-4 times a year when it's not freaking necessary.

Even someone like me, on medication for the reflux issue (not to mention the paxil, but that's under the shrink now and I hope to god I'm going off it soon), doesn't need to see a doctor that often.

Of course, I *do* need to hit the gynie, which I haven't done in ... a lot longer than most people. I need to find one, preferably in my neighborhood (don't laugh - there are hospitals nearby; it's *entirely possible* that there's a really good OB-GYN in the neighborhood and I know just who to ask). And I need to find a dentist, 'cause I haven't gone since I left NMSS.

Sigh.

Stupid body, needing upkeep.

~victoria



link

[current mood: sleepy]
[current music: Tenth Avenue Freeze-Out - Bruce!]
[random quote: \"I didn't realize babies come with hats.\" Toby Ziegler, TWW]

~*~

09.16.03 - 12:46 p.m.

updates

Snippet of the Molly Weasley, Matchmaker fic up in the LJ. It's funny. At least, *I* think it's funny.

Of course, I also wrote a fic featuring a Stewardess of Gondor joke, so you can't go by me.

More seriously, or Siriusly (sorry), Under Me, You is up on the site. Porny Sirius/Remus goodness in 600 words. Can't beat that with a stick. *g*

Oh!

The Summer Letters Series has been updated. Remus responds to Sirius's attempts at poetry, and Lily writes to them both.

*eg*

***

Oy.

Got distracted by work things and totally forgot this window was open.

So I'll just say bye now.

~victoria



link

[current mood: distracted]
[current music: So Lonely - the Police]
[random quote: \"The first thing we do, let's kill all the lawyers.\" Dick, Henry VI, Part II]

~*~

09.15.03 - 2:42 p.m.

on endings

Am out of tissues at work. Am using cheap cafeteria napkins now.

My poor nose.

Am also thinking Stealing Joy is finished, but not exactly. It needs some kind of summation, or it needs a sex scene (or both), but I can't stop feeling as if it's done. It doesn't need sex. The sex is implied. We all know they're having it - it does nothing but make the word count bigger if I write it. But it also feels just the tiniest bit incomplete and so it needs a last sentence or paragraph. Better than the one I've got now.

Sigh.

How do you know when the story is over? I mean, I know when the actual *events* are done, but how do you wrap it up? How do you decide, *this* is the last sentence, *this* brings it to a close in the best possible way?

Sometimes I just know - I have a good, punchy ending that just says, "the end. no more need be written." Other times, I ramble and have to cut stuff out, or wind up adding on until I reach a point where I can say, "Okay, that's too much, cut it back to *here*."

So I've reached the point where this story is over, but I can't seem to *end* it.

I'm also trying to get motivated on the Sirius in Sunnydale fic. I mean, I am motivated. I want to write it. Or, really, I want to write lots of banter between Sirius and Xander as they hang out and bond. It's the getting to that point that's stopping me, and I don't want to write out of order. Perhaps I'm looking at it from the wrong POV. I mean, I can gloss over some stuff, right? I'm just not sure.

I hate when I have all these great ideas for scenes and then when it comes time to write, I have nothing.

Hate. That.

Meanwhile, I have to buy batteries and water this week, just in case this hurricane comes up the coast and hits New York. I'd be surprised if it does -- they tend to make a big deal out of these storms and then we don't get hit, points south do. but being by myself means I ought to take some precautions.

I suppose I also ought to do some work. Gah.

~victoria



link

[current mood: bleh]
[current music: the sky is crying - stevie ray vaughan]
[random quote: \"God have mercy on the man who doubts what he's sure of.\" - \"Brilliant Disguise\" - Bruce Springsteen]

~*~

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The painting is "Boreas" by John William Waterhouse. Again, not a muse, but I like her. She suits the color scheme.

The quote is from Sir Philip Sidney.

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